Domino’s has a mildly amusing television campaign right now to promote their new slogan “You Got 30 Minutes,” but the fine print on Domino’s site points out that this should be taken only as a suggestion, not a service guarantee: “Because safety is a priority “You Got 30 Minutes™” is not a guarantee but an estimate. You may get more.” A former Domino’s delivery guy is not impressed: “Some douchebag ad exec wants to trick customers into believing that the ’30 minutes or it’s free’ guarantee is back, then leave it to the delivery drivers to explain to inevitably angry customers why their pizza isn’t free when it gets there in 31 minutes.”
He writes, “Just imagine your summer job consisting of this conversation 100 times a night:”
DRIVER: Um, that’ll be $23.52.
CUSTOMER: No, I called before eight, that actually took thirty-four minutes.
DRIVER: I am sorry valued customer but Domino’s Pizza no longer honors the thirty minute guarantee anymore thirty minutes is just an estimate I apologize for the inconvenience.
[CUSTOMER LAUGHS. THERE IS AN AWKWARD SILENCE]
CUSTOMER: You’re serious? What a f*cking crock, you expect me to pay for this? I just saw the ad on tv!
DRIVER: Sir, calm down-
CUSTOMER: F*ck you, this is all your fault! If the advertising people were here I’d punch them a lot but because they’re not I’m gonna pretend that you’re them and by beating you it will somehow solve things!!!
DRIVER: Please don’t-
[CUSTOMER STARTS BEATING DRIVER OVER THE HEAD WITH THE PIZZA...]
(Thanks to Mike!)