Teen Chooses Walmart Electronics Department As Best Location To Set Himself On Fire

When choosing a location for self-immolation, choose Walmart. Specifically, choose the electronics department of the Towne Boulevard WalMart in Middleton, Ohio, because the manager there is handy with a fire extinguisher. From the Middletown Journal:

Reports said the man, from the 2000 block of Arlington Avenue, used a lighter and tissues stuffed in his pocket to ignite his jacket, which became “severely burnt.”

The WalMart store manager told police he used a nearby fire extinguisher to put out the flames before the 17-year-old sustained any injuries.

The teen’s mother told police her son was distraught after having recently broken up with his girlfriend.

This raises many questions, none of which we have answers for. —MEGHANN MARCO


Teen sets himself on fire at WalMart
[Middletown Journal]
(Photo: code poet)

Comments

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  1. ngwoo says:

    He broke up with his girlfriend, so he set himself on fire. Seems logical.
    What’s he going to do when his ex-girlfriend starts dating someone else? Set someone else on fire?

  2. niccernicus says:

    Too bad he didn’t do it in the pet food section. They might need a little manager attention drawn to that area.

  3. mopar_man says:

    A Wal-Mart manager was capable of something? They should move that guy up the corporate ladder. Maybe he could get the Nazi shirts and recalled pet food off the shelf. Or maybe not since the rest of the employees are incompetent boobs.

  4. Nooooo!! Not my precious video games! *sob* The poor innocent babies!

  5. Dustbunny says:

    Wow. I have family in Middletown, OH. That’s probably the first time it made the news for anything.

  6. bluegus32 says:

    You’ve gotta love the way a teen-ager’s mind works. Goodbye cruel world! er . . . I mean . . . Goodbye cruel Walmart Electronics section with a nearby fire extinguisher!

    What a sad cry for attention.

  7. MercuryPDX says:

    I think if he was serious about killing/maiming himself, he would have done it elsewhere.

    Why would you do something like that in the middle of a store, if not for attention?

    (and by “attention” I mean in an “I need help, I really don’t want to do this so someone stop me.” kind of way.)

  8. RandomHookup says:

    That musta been one sweet piece of ass.

  9. Dag says:

    @RandomHookup: Doubtful. This kid was clearly emo, which means the likelihood of him having a hot girlfriend is slim to none.

    @bluegus32: It’s not just that he’s a teenager, though. He is clearly an emo teenager. Much worse.

  10. shdwsclan says:

    De-Ja-Vu
    An aquintance of mine set himself on fire in my home town after some girl trouble.
    The problem -> He was successful at it.
    He tied himself to a tree in our local forest preserve and dowsed himself with gasoline.

    A jogger found him the next day.

    Moral of the story:
    Loosing a girlfriend is not the end of the world, neither is failing a class.

  11. d0x says:

    must have been those dang video games!

    I dont understand some people. Fine you want to hurt yourself good for you, but why the hell would you do it in a way that could possibly hurt others.

    Set fire to yourself in a walmart!? Its more then obvious this guy wanted attention more then he wanted to kill himself.

  12. catnapped says:

    Bah–sprinklers would’ve put him out sooner or later.

  13. SFSnark says:

    @Dag: Good call. I can totally see the black trenchcoat.

  14. asherchang says:

    I don’t get it- slow and painful method of suicide + trying to commit it in the middle of a huge capistalistic corporate store monster that eats children?

  15. Benny Gesserit says:

    Just goes to show people can live their entire lives at Walmart – even immolate themselves.

    Ah, youth! (sigh)

  16. erock0 says:

    He’s been playing WoW too much. Maybe he should roll a priest or druid to heal himself

  17. capitalass says:

    I don’t think that he set himself on fire because of some girl.

    He did it because his mom took him to Walmart.

  18. EtherealStrife says:

    @asherchang: He was clearly making a burning-Tibetan-monk style protest. Who knows, he may have even worked at Walmart at some point (hence the emo).

  19. ScramDiggyBooBoo says:

    Wal-Mart prices are so hot!!

  20. @shdwsclan: Have you considered finding a different group of people to hang out with?

  21. etinterrapax says:

    @MercuryPDX: Yeah, previous experience has shown that if he did it in the parking lot, suddenly everyone in the store would have turned into flailing morons. Well, wait. Um. Hmmm. Libertarians? Endanger the merch, though…

  22. The Bigger Unit says:

    I often feel like setting myself on fire while waiting in line for some jackass to run their entire load of groceries through the self-checkout at Wal-Mart.

  23. cde says:

    I’d love to go back to a time where the thought/logic process of thinking “the world is too painful to live in” turns into “So I think I’ll go out in the most painful way possible”

  24. Plasmafire says:

    The automotive section would have been a better choice, near all the bottles of oil, rubber, spray cans, and extremely flammable chemicals…