Inside Deepest Darkest WalMart

Admit it, there’s something mysterious, yes, even dangerous, about a person who actually works at WalMart. What dark secrets must they hold? What evil lurks behind the service counter of America’s largest retailer?

This morning I got acquainted with Walmart via Behind the Counter, a blog penned by a service counter employee. I was ready to learn, and oh boy, did I!

Why do the prices on the shelves never match the price at the register? Is it a conspiracy?

“I truly do not believe that the company purposefully advertises merchandise at one price on the shelf and deliberately has them ring up at another, higher price at the register. This implies planning, coordination and intelligence, all of which are in VERY short supply at any Wal-Mart.”

What do those “codes” over the loudspeaker really mean?

“If you’re ever in a Wal-Mart, and you hear the phrase “CODE RED” at location XXXX and you’re not faint of heart, head that way for some good spectacle.CODE RED is for a fire. And we had us a genuine CODE RED on Sunday morning.”

More! More!

“CODE WHITE is an injury. CODE ADAM is a lost child CODE ORANGE is chemical spill. There are other codes for a shooting/firearm, a hostage and severe weather. If you hear BLACK, GREEN or BLUE, it might be a good plan to run the other way. I forget the exact order. I think BLACK is shooting, GREEN is hostage and BLUE is severe weather.”

And, to top it all off, there’s this sentence:

“He screams at me “I want a manager. I want the one that looks like Harrison Ford (yes, one does bear a passing resemblance). I want him here right (expletive) now.”

A WalMart Manager who looks like Harrison Ford? Check out Behind the Counter, it’s all your dreams come true.

(Thanks, Douglas!)

Comments

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  1. amazon says:

    If you really wanted to cause some havoc call a CODE 99 to [whatever department].
    This implies some sort of emergency and it a request that all (male) associates show up to that place immediately.

  2. Okay, I really can’t get past this …

    Who shops at a store that has a SPECIAL CODE for hostage situations???????

  3. etinterrapax says:

    I used to work for them. It is a surprisingly mundane job. I was once working on an aisle with an assistant manager who told me that he didn’t know how I could take “all those useless philosophy courses.” That about sums it up, for better or worse. I was going to a Jesuit school, and they have a core curriculum. And I liked it. Neither store where I worked was full of people who understood or valued education for its own sake. It doesn’t make them bad people, but I didn’t fit into the employee culture very well. It is one of extreme pragmatism. If you understand that, you know just about all there is to know about them.

  4. w_boodle says:

    Jesuit eh? Well … the Walmart culture you don’t understand is the one you would likely be serving out in the real world (should you become a priest). The real people. In the real world.

  5. xboxishuge says:

    How many people are shooting guns off at Wal Marts, that they have a special PA code for it? And wouldn’t you notice that on your own, without the adorable color-coded response system?

  6. tourpro says:

    I guess I kinda

  7. tourpro says:

    feel sorry for this guy cuz Bentonville was just referred to my site from this post.

  8. Kat says:

    When I worked at Wal-Mart, Code Black was severe weather, and green was hostage/shooting. That said, there was one time when a tornado was spotted within a couple of miles of our store, the county had issued tornado warnings, and the store still wouldn’t call Code Black because they didn’t want to panic people, and also they didn’t want customers looting. Rather useless code.

    Furthermore, although in Code Black we were all supposed to head for the fitting rooms (the center of the store), one supervisor said if they called it, she was heading for the one place in the building that was underground – the oil pits in the Tire & Lube Express.

    My store did not have a Code 99 either. Once, someone was outside with a truck trying to steal the outdoor vending machines, and security (M12) just grabbed some male associates and went out after them.

    If you want to get management running, you call a Code White – injury. They don’t want to get sued, you know.

    Generally, if the price is incorrect at the register, the cashier has authorization to correct the price discrepancy, without calling a supervisor, if the price difference is less than 75 cents. However, if you catch a cashier on a good day, they might correct higher price differences without a CSM.

    And the intercom code is #96.

  9. Dustbunny says:

    That blog is hilarious — I especially like the story of the woman who wanted her money back for some rancid food, most of which she’d already eaten.

  10. OlLady says:

    Behind the counter is one of the best blogs going. I read every entry. I am also a Wal Mart shopper, I know what I’m buying upfront…cheap shit. I also have knowledge of how Wal Mart treats it’s employees as my mothers husband works for them in Canada. I hope bbcamerican keeps writing and telling it how it is…behind the counter. :)