When I was a child, I once accidentally hit Ronald McDonald with a silver crucifix I was whizzing hyperactively about my head. I remember very clearly the Catholic totem flying through the air; the sizzle and smell of sulfur as it impacted upon Ronald’s ghoulish visage. Immediately, half his face sloughed off his skull in the oozing liquefaction of corpse-like flesh. The next thing I knew, every child in McDonaldland was sitting in an expanding puddle of their own hysterical evacuations as Ronald McDonald (aka Beelzebub, Lord of the Flies) disintegrated into an anthropomorphic cloud of carrion-carrying flies. Forget Morgan Spurlock, forget Fast Food Nation. That was the event that turned me off McDonald’s food forever.
Although this childhood memory may seem implausible to the atheist or the skeptic, it does perhaps shed some light on why the houseflies in fast food restaurants are so virulent. Their ability to transfer antibiotic-resistant bacteria may, in fact, be Satanic in origin.
Unfortunately, the researchers at Kansas State University who dissected the bowels of 260 fast food houseflies are not considering the mystical origins of McDonald’s virulent species of houseflies. “This study showed that houseflies in food-handling and serving facilities carry antibiotic-resistant and potentially virulent enterococci that have the capacity for horizontal transfer of antibiotic resistance genes to other bacteria,” they claim. Yeah, yeah, Mr. Smarty Scientist. Whatev.
Mephistophelean in origin or not, the presence of fifty two houseflies regurgitating their diseased stomach acid on your french fries in the average fast food restaurant is certainly enough to make you do a few Hail Marys before taking the kids out for a Happy Meal.