Disneyworld Won’t Let You Get Drunk

For grumpy parents who take Disney’s particular brand of hallucinogenic chipperism as a soul-curdling annoyance, there’s only one way to get through a vacation at Disneyworld: drunk out of your gourd.

But on just such a vacation with his daughters, the Observer’s Tim Adams discovered that Disney employees wouldn’t just let him line up a dozen glasses of booze. Although he wanted two glasses of wine, one for his wife and one for himself, he was told by the bartender that he couldn’t purchase the second glass, as the bartender could not see this ephemeral Harvey-like “wife” of Adams’.

So how did he manage to get two glasses? He queued for ten minutes for the first glass, brought it over to his wife, then queued for ten minutes for the second glass. Customer service at its finest! Adams hates Disneyworld for a lot of other hysterical reasons too.

No fun? Are you taking the Mickey, dad? [Observer]

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  1. Mary Marsala With Fries says:

    Holy crap, that was hilarious and horrifying. Thank goodness I’d never planned on going there anyway…now I’m wondering if I should draw an imaginary “quarantine” line around it and not even enter the state! Tainted!! -M.

  2. etinterrapax says:

    The very idea of Disney fills me with apprehension, and this article serves as an affirmation of my instincts. My husband informs me that we must take our children there one day. My only defense is that we are currently too poor, and my only plan is to remain that way indefinitely. Fortunately, considering the horrifying amount of money that vacation seems to cost, it’ll be easy to ruin my children’s lives by depriving them of this. I do know that if they turn into serial killers, it’ll be my own fault and this will be why, but I have decided to ignore this possibility as “depressing.”

  3. non-meat-stick says:

    A Co-Worker told me no one dies at Disney Land/World. Sure old people croak there all the time, but their officail time of death isn’t posted until they leave the park grounds.

  4. AcidReign says:

    …..Odd. I spent an evening last October at Epcot waiting for the Celebration! fireworks to begin, and I was allowed to buy as many pints of Bass Ale as I could carry away at one time.

    …..It was pretty cool. England and Poland were located right next to each other, and I could drink Bass and eat polska kielbasa and perogies all evening! Mmmmm.