Gillette Razor Blade Hyperdrive

I, Brownlee, may have mentioned this before… but I am a huge fan of Gillette’s multiple-razor initiatives. I can still remember the first time I experienced the Mach 3, like an angel’s tongue lusciously licking the follicles off of my cheek. The next day, I marched into work and, with a word of stern command, began ordering stray co-workers — men, women, it didn’t matter — to caress, nay, fondle my cheeks. “What you’re feeling is very similar to what my ass once felt like as an infant,” I’d confidently assert. If this made my co-workers uncomfortable, it was well hidden by the awe which enraptured them at the touch of my silky-smooth jowls.

The Mach 3 Turbo wasn’t much of a step-up, but the Power blew me away. Who knew that pressing three vibrating razors up against the flesh would work out so well? And I’m positively twitching over the Irish advent of the five-bladed fusion. How much better can it get? How many more razors can Gillette’s brilliant shaving engineers cram into a safety razor?

Well, the Economist have examined the question and put together a mathematical curve, plotting Gillette blades over the last hundred years. Their conclusion? A 14-blade razor may well hearken the 22nd century. However, they admit they don’t have enough plot points to truly determine the mathematical curve, and speculate that we may achieve razor blade hyperdrive in the next few years. Excellent!

The Cutting Edge [Economist]

Comments

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  1. LTS! says:

    I find it funny that “The Economist” would miss the most important part of this study. The would be the personal loan we will need to secure to pay for the blades in the future.

    “I’ll take a 4-pack of the Gilette Googolplex Plus Razor blades, please.”

    “No problem sir, we’ll just need you to fill out this paperwork confirming your acceptance of the financial terms we laid out. You’ve agreed to pay us $1500 over the next 3 months at an interest rate of 14.95%.”

  2. Paul D says:

    Does anyone remember that Onion article with the headline something like

    With the release of the Schick Quattro, Gillette announces “Fuck it! We’re going to five!”

  3. drsmith says:

    My razor used to be a Gillette Mach 2. When I saw the price of the Mach 3 cartridges, I kept on using Mach 2 cartridges. When they finally tried to discontinue the Mach 2 cart’s, I switched to a Merkur safety razor. It has 1 edge on it and it does as good a job as the Mach 2 for less than half the cost.

    Sometimes newer isn’t really better.

  4. factotum says:

    According to some guy on the Internets, when these razor companies introduce a new blade, they make them out of high-quality steel. As time goes on, they substitute lower quality steel which results in more nicks and shorter blade life.

    So, after 3 years with your Mach 3, you try the Fusion and are amazed at the quality of the shave not realizing it’s just the relatively better steel blades. And this goes on ad nausesam. (Anyone else notice that when they show a Fusion razor commercial, a Ford Fusion commercial is shown in the same block?)

    That’s why I stick to the tried and true German safety razor usually from Solingen, Germany – The City of Blades.

  5. OkiMike says:

    I used to use the Mach 3 until I realized it’s like plucking weeds out of the garden with a Caterpillar tractor.

    No thanks, I’ll keep my face, thanks!