ASDA, a British supermarket chain, is selling discount Valentine’s Day card to forgetful dole sponges in the UK:

Asda says the “economy” card – in the retailer’s Smart Price range colours of black, white and red – is the cheapest on the market.

“Romance is not dead – it is being done on a shoestring,” a spokeswoman said.

Man, what says “I love you” more profoundly than a discount Valentine’s card with the words “Smart Price” proudly emblazoned right upon the outer flap? Here’s an even more frugal alternative, if you’re looking to make a token and ineffably cheap gesture to the slapper you’re dating on February 14th. Go to the bathroom, sit-down only. After doing your business, take a lone square of single-ply toilet paper off the roll and gingerly place it between your cheeks. Clench. Take the resulting heart imprint, put it in an envelope, and give it to your sweetie. You’ll save 8p and the message your lover will take from the gesture will be exactly the same.

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