Whilst in Hungary recently, I had the opportunity to leisurely soak in the human bacteria frappes that make up Budapest’s thermal spas. What did I learn about the spa experience? Mostly that Hungary’s anthropomorphic walruses have no shame of their own repulsive nudity. They frown upon rambunctious Americans disrupting the sanctity of the spa experience with Hoo-Hah!ing cannonballs. Although it isn’t posted anywhere, Tuesday is gay day. Finally, if you open your mouth underneath the water (say, doing a handstand), you will catch Ebola.