An advisory panel for the Centers for Disease Control has recommended that everyone get flu vaccinations from now on, not just people in special higher risk groups. According to WebMD, “the CDC almost certainly will make universal flu vaccination official U.S. policy for this fall’s 2010-2011 flu season, as it consistently follows the advice of the panel of outside experts.”
The white coats over at the Centers for Disease Control have issues a bad news/good news report regarding the outbreak of the H1N1 influenza virus — better known by its stage name, “swine flu.” The bad news is that more than 57 million Americans have gotten sick with H1N1. The good news, in a backhanded way, is that only around 0.02% of the cases were fatal.
First, there was Pepsi Vanilla. Then there was Pepsi Lime. Now, exclusively at Walgreens, you can get the latest special flavor of Pepsi: Pepsi H1N1. It is also available in frozen pizza, Buffalo wing, and ice cream form.
The Centers for Disease Control have issued a warning that there’s a new, swine flu-themed phishing email going around. It says something about an imaginary State Vaccination H1N1 Program, and asks you to create an account on the cdc.gov website–and if you click the link, malicious code may be installed on your system. Obviously you have brain worms if you fall for this.
When I look at flight attendants I do not see mere mortals. I see heroic flying immune systems. When the zombificating superflu does eventually strike, those who survive will no doubt be ruled by former flight attendants and elementary school teachers. In the meantime, they’ll somehow continue working in a “flying petri dish” as some airlines continue to refuse H1N1 as an excuse to rebook.
Quick, give Hammacher Schlemmer $70 + shipping so you can bring one of these magic H1N1 wand obliterators with you on Black Friday! The “technology for people who don’t get technology” catalogue explains that the wand’s UV light will kill “99.98%” of H1N1 viruses after you hold it 3/4″ above a surface for at least 5 seconds. That’s certainly convenient. Just carry it with you and use it on doors, boxes, shopping carts, and of course the cashier’s hands before you accept any change. Be sure to bring an adapter for your car, however, because it only lasts about 90 minutes after an 8-hour charge.
G.’s young son was recently ill with H1N1, but no pharmacy in the city where he lives had liquid Tamiflu in stock. (Even the federal government released its stockpile not long ago.) He writes that nearly every pharmacy he called turned him down. Then he learned that the liquid can be made from Tamiflu capsules by pharmacists, or even by parents at home. Why didn’t the pharmacy staff, or his doctor, tell him this?
Kellogg decided that it isn’t such a good idea to pretend Cocoa Krispies build your immunity.
As trick-or-treating time looms, we’d like to take this opportunity to remind you: BOO!!! SWINE FLU!
The FDA is calling on consumers not to fall for unapproved bogus “swine flu” or “H1N1” products that claim to offer a cure or other health benefits. There’s even a “swine flu shampoo” that claims to protect against the virus. Awesome.
Do you have H1N1 flu? Probably! Aaaugghh! But before you haul your feverish butt to a clinic or a doctor, consider taking this free online flu self-assessment test from Emory University. It probably could have been combined into a one-page flowchart, but that’s not as much fun as pressing YES/NO buttons.
Line up, Americans! The FDA has approved swine flu (H1N1) vaccines from four different manufacturers. Like seasonal flu vaccines, they’re available to anyone who visits their doctor and asks for a shot. Who should make sure they get the shot ASAP, though?
Sure, there are plenty of websites out there touting colloidal silver as a miracle cure for every disease in existence. This would be great if it actually worked. Now that flu season looms and H1N1/swine flu panic has returned to the nation, Consumer Reports Health would like to remind you that no, you can’t cure chronic or communicable diseases with colloidal silver. Plus, it might turn your skin blue.
Pack up your maracas, Carnival is returning to Mexico! The cruise line wasn’t happy with putzing off the California coast, and the CDC says that swine flu isn’t deadly enough to keep us out of Mexico forever. By the end of the month, souvenir-seeking Americans will again be able to down margaritas and scoop up trinkets in Cabo, Cozumel, and Puerto Vallarta.
The Centers for Disease Control knows it’s a delicate task asking your swine flu-infected coworkers to stay home or suggesting that your friends bathe their disgusting children, so they’ve provided a handy, anonymous way to break the bad news.