AT&T wants to charge Derek a $100 early termination fee even though the DSL they’re giving barely even works. His downtime is almost 12 hours a day, and on the rare occasions it does work, it’s only 100kbps. It’s like watching taffy grill on a Georgia sidewalk. AT&T says they’ve lived up to their part of the bargain, with one customer service rep telling him, “If AT&T were to provide a constant speed of 0 Kbps this still qualifies as service within our contract,” and so now he must pay his contractually stipulated ETF. Also, he must have imagined that a technician came and visited his house.