When I was a lad in the early 90’s, my friends and I were in perpetual fear of turning gay. We’d been told by many authority figures that one could somehow wake up and realize that they were gay, and so an elaborate system of early warning signs was passed into junior high dogma. For example, if you preferred to wear your watch on your right wrist, you were probably turning gay. The way you crossed your legs was also a signal of imminent homo-eroticism: the proper method was to balance one ankle on the opposing knee, giving proper breathing room to your elephantine testicular sack.
