deals

• Woot!: a pair of Cfreative Inspire T2900 2.1 Speakers for $25.99. I’m always somewhat surprised how cheap speakers are: these things are still better than what i, in the ghetto of Rathmines, use to listen to my favorite culturally-sympathetic album, Zaggin 4 Efil.

• Get a free Schick Titanium Razor simply for handing over your personal information. Remember to use a fake email and a real mailing address, otherwise you’ll cut yourself out of this deal and no amount of ripped TP will help.

• Woot!: it looks as if the Woot Off! is still on. right now, it’s a couple of Xact X-Linx Two-Way FRS Radios for $15.99. They look like swell little Dick Tracy devices.

• Yellow flashing lights; the shrieking of sirens. IT’S A WOOT OFF!. As of writing, the Woot! is the PNY Verto 512MB PC4000 Memory with LEDs for $39.99, but keep refreshing the page, it’ll be regularly through-out the day. Keep your eye on Woot! today… there’ll be some must-have deals, if past Woot Offs! are anything to go by.

• Today’s Woot!… a box of absolute mystery! What’s in it? How much is it worth? What’s it going for? That would ruin the surprise. Can you guess the marvelous secrets that rest within this very special Woot? Can your heart withstand the shocking terror of its ultimate revelation? Only one thing’s for sure: in the end, someone dies. Oh, and shipping will be five bucks.

• Today’s Woot! Toofertoosday is truth in advertising: the Mediocre 4X16 Binoculars 2 Pack for $4.99. Plus 100% of the cost in shipping!

• Today’s Woot!… a three thousand dollar projector you can ill afford! It’s actually the InFocus ScreenPlay 7210 HD DLP Projector for $2,999.99 (plus five bucks shipping). By all account, this is an excellent deal on an excellent projector, but what kind of crack-dealing blog mogul would you have to be to afford it, even without shipping?

• Today’s Woot! The Logitech QuickCam Connect IM Webcam for $14.99. How else are you to procure that truly slutty MySpace pic?

• Today’s Woot!: an AudioFX Force Feedback Gaming Headset for $19.99. These cans will scramble the egg-like yolk of your brains with every ear-splitting Quake explosion.

&bull Today’s Woot!: the nvicta Men’s Stainless Steel Pro Diver Multifunction Watch for $79.99. Shiny pieces of metal attract sharks and brain-sucking electric eels, though.

• Today’s Woot! on this Two-fer-Tuesday: two Saitek Cyborge Graphite USB Joysticks for $12. $30 each on Amazon. Not particularly a high-end joystick, but holding one in each hand will accurately emulate the feeling of being a Mechwarrior pilot.

• Woot! Your apartment is missing something. Perhaps what it needs is a robot — part subservient Polish cleaning woman, part gay R2D2 — in the form of an iRobot Scooba Floor Washing Robot. For $229.99, that’s about $70 off the regular price. I’d buy one for my repulsive kitchen floor, but that would deny myself many pleasurable trysts with the Polish cleaning girls I hire to scrub it for me. What can I say? Attractive Eastern Europeans on their knees, covered in soap, scrubbing away at that scuff mark with the great unconscious gravity of being a girl? It brings out the Lothario in me.

• Still connect to the Internet by an umbilical to your belly? Woot! is offering a Netgear WPN824 RangeMax MIMO Wireless Router for $39.99. If you’ve got an Apple office, the MIMO’s opalescence and glowing blue button will mesh perfectly with your technohipster deco.

• Today’s Woot!: an AeroBed Premier Twin Size Raised Inflatable Bed for $64.99. Fill it with glitter and get a fat person to jump on it for some extra fun.

• A rather stylish, eerily glowing Razer Copperhead 2000dpi Laser Gaming Mouse or $34.99 awaits at Woot!. It’s wired, so you can use it to swing your laptop around your head.

• Toofertoosday at Woot!: two Logitech Cordless Headsets for the Xbox for $19.99. These definitely aren’t compatible with the 360; the cordless aspect prevents them from being used as a makeshift garrote.

• Today’s Woot!: the SanDisk 256 MB MP3/WMA Player with FM Tuner and Voice Recorder for $14.99. My mom has one of these; she listens to Project Gutenberg audio books on it and old radio dramas while puttering around the garden. She seems to dig it. I, on the other hand, have never seen the point of an MP3 player if it doesn’t have enough space to carry around your entire music collection on. But if you only own 4 albums, this satisfies that criterion as well.

• Today’s Woot! is the MacGregor Bobby Grace V-foil MOI M5K Putter for $69.99. Since all I know about golf putters I learned from video games, the only thing I can conclusively tell you about this product is that, a la Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, it will be an excellent tool to beat your money back out of the hooker you just employed.