Starbucks Devises Fruitcake Frappuccino, Mercifully Only Sells It For 4 Days

Image courtesy of Starbucks

We are now living in a dystopian holiday hellscape, where every special holiday food short of fruitcake has been commodified into a limited-time offer at a fast food restaurant and/or a flavor of candy. Until now, when Starbucks has brought us the Fruitcake Frappuccino.

The festive frap is only available for four days, beginning yesterday, Dec. 15, and extending through Sunday, Dec. 19. The drink starts well, with a hazelnut Frappuccino, and then it has dried fruit, whipped cream, caramel, and matcha (green tea) powder on top. Dried fruit in a frozen drink?

We thought that couldn’t possibly be any good, but our pal Marvo over at The Impulsive Buy dared to try it and review it. “It’s better tasting than any fruitcake I’ve ever had,” he notes, which is probably not a very high bar to set for this beverage, “but it’s also damn annoying to drink.”

You see, all of those dried raisins, currants, and cranberries don’t only end up in your mouth so you’re chewing your frozen beverage. They also clog up the straw, making the experience weird and inconvenient. It’s worth the weirdness, though, especially if you steal a wider straw from a bubble tea shop or some other establishment with very wide straws.

Stay tuned for next year, when Starbucks will inevitably introduce its Figgy Pudding Chai Latte.