O Autumn, laden with fruit, and stain’d with the blood of the grape, pass not, but sit beneath my shady roof; there thou may’st rest, and tune thy jolly voice to my fresh pipe, and all the daughters of the year shall take the Consumerist Quiz!

Sing now the lusty song of mergers and bankruptcies, but try to do better than last week, where the median score was a disappointing 53%. This isn’t Dead Poets’ Society here kids, this is serious stuff. Gather ye rosebuds on your own time.

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