The Bastard Child Of Comcast/TWC Merger Gets A Name: GreatLand Connections

If you live in one of those orange dots, you may soon be complaining about the cruddy cable and Internet service from GreatLand instead of Comcast.

If you live in one of those orange dots, you may soon be complaining about the cruddy cable and Internet service from GreatLand instead of Comcast.

While plenty of us are still banging on the church window, trying to break up the impending nuptials of Comcast and Time Warner Cable, the couple, along with their “close friend” (ahem) Charter Communications, have already given a name to the company that will be spun off and left to fend for itself in the wild because there just isn’t enough room for everyone’s kids. That company, which will instantly become the fifth-largest cable operator in the U.S., will have the craptastic name of GreatLand Connections Inc.

GreatLand had originally been dubbed SpinCo when Comcast announced it would be shedding 2.5 million customers to appease regulators, and that Charter would own a 1/3 stake in that new company.

But SpinCo is the kind of name that finance professors use in exam questions, or really bad satirists use when trying to be clever. That’s why the involved parties all cooked up the bland, Hallmark Channel-sounding name of GreatLand, which sounds more like a dairy conglomerate than a cable company.

Then again, we still think Xfinity sounds like a gentleman’s club, or at least a cheeseball nightclub at a Ramada in upstate New York.

“We are pleased to publicly announce the name of this exciting new company we are building,” said Michael Willner, who also happens to be the President and CEO of GreatLand, so it’s kind of like your mom saying she loves you just the way you are. “The name GreatLand Connections pays homage to the rich history and striking geographies of the diverse communities in which the company will operate. It brings to mind our commitment to connecting people and businesses with terrific products and excellent service in the almost 1000 historic communities — large and small — across the 11 states we will serve.”