I can imagine getting away with stuffing one log of rather expensive Swiss cheese down your pants and passing it off as a “No big deal, nothing to see here, just a guy walking around a store,” situation. But four logs of cheese? Come on now, we know you’re not just really, really happy to see us.
And yes, that joke had to be used because police say a man in Pennsylvania tried to hide $200 worth of Swiss cheese in his pants, reports WFMZ.com.
A security officer at a grocery store reportedly spotted the suspect “waddling when he walked” through the store, cops said.
It doesn’t sound like he’d mind the joke either, as he reportedly replied, “What cheese?” when he was confronted outside and asked if he had any in his pants.
Officials say they found four logs of Swiss cheese, valued between $52 and $55, in the leg of his pants. Cops recovered the cheese — whew, right? — and arrested the man on charges of retail theft.
Authorities believe he may be the same man seen on surveillance footage at another of the chain’s store over the weekend. In that incident, a man pushes a shopping cart with three logs of Swiss cheese in it out of the camera’s range. When he comes back into view, cops said there were “visual bulges” in the legs of his pants.
Makes one wonder — why always Swiss? It’s a good cheese, don’t get me wrong, but how about a little Gouda now and then? A nice Camembert, even. But in any case, stealing cheese and putting it in your pants is wrong and will only subject you to predictable punchlines and jail time, so don’t do it.