Giving A Stranger Unsolicited Advice Should Always Require This Level Of Artistic Skill

Handing out unsolicited advice to strangers is generally frowned upon, but one topic is apparently not off-limits to anyone, ever. Scrawling “Wash me!” on a dusty, dirty or otherwise unsightly car has become socially acceptable behavior, unlike when I tried to tell a woman on the street that neon puce was an unfortunate color choice*. In any case, this rendering of Bane from The Dark Knight Rises has now set the bar for how to tell strangers what to do with their time.

I’ll admit, I’m not really a fan of the whole “wash me” thing, unless you’re a parent trying to instill a sense of responsibility in your own kid. So you see a dirty car on the street — ostensibly the owner either knows that and doesn’t care or hasn’t had a chance to wash it, or hasn’t been back to the vehicle in awhile. Rubbing your fingers on the window isn’t going to help the situation.

Unless, again, you draw Bane in what must have been a pain-staking manipulation of window dirt. That plan may have backfired because who is going to wash off something so cool? Especially if this was done by a parent with a teenager, that kid’s not going to be reaching for the hose and soap anytime soon.

Feel free to toss around other areas where it could maybe possibly be okay for a stranger to hand out advice in so public a manner, or share your own story of “Wash me!” woe.

*I would never bark my opinion at a stranger, really, but let it be known that neon puce is not an acceptable hue in any situation.

Bane’s Auto Wash [Reddit]


Edit Your Comment

  1. MaryK says:

    I think I’d very carefully sponge off the words on the right side and leave the drawing.

    • DuckNCover says:

      You’d have to coat it somehow because you know some ass would come along and wipe it off to be a jerk. Either that or it would rain and wash it away.

      • MaryK says:

        I probably wouldn’t go to *that* extreme, but I wouldn’t be the one to actively remove it until it became to smeared to make out.

  2. Loias supports harsher punishments against corporations says:

    “Scrawling “Wash me!” on a dusty, dirty or otherwise unsightly car has become socially acceptable behavior”

    It has? News to me. I still consider it pretty uncooth.

  3. blogger X says:

    This is Epic.

  4. Jane_Gage says: Also, carry around a post-it note cube in case you have to tell someone what a jerk-off they’re being.

  5. prismatist says:

    Doing this on a painted surface can actually cause pretty significant damage. Depending on just how dirty the car is and what’s in the dirt, it could scratch deeply enough to require a cut-polish to fix. Worst case scenario might actually get right through the clearcoat and damage paint.

    So no, writing “Wash Me” on a dirty car is most certainly NOT socially acceptable.

    • thesupremeaj says:

      If you care that much about your car’s finish that you think a random stranger’s finger can cut right through your clear coat and damage paint, you really ought to wash your car.

    • shepd says:

      Fortunately, this appears to have been done on an unpainted window.

    • bluline says:

      The writing and art in the photo are on the rear glass, not the paint.

      • prismatist says:

        Rear windows on truck canopies are very often Polycarbonate (AKA Lexan) plastic, which is far softer than paint or glass. Plus, my comment was regarding the general practice of writing stuff in the dirt on the paint, not just this one case.

    • Bob A Dobalina says:

      yeah we don’t want people defacing dirt

  6. Applekid says:

    I don’t care how expensive your perfume was, bathing in it isn’t going to help your BO.

    Of course, if I actually said such things, my cheeks would be quite calloused from all the slaps.

  7. ChuckECheese says:

    (I had to look it up) … Puce looks like a muted pinkish purplish color. It looks like the 80’s.
    But what was really funny is that when I put the word puce in Google Images, I got a bunch of pictures of fleas. I was confused for a sec, then remembered a French children’s rhyme …

    Sac a puce
    Gratte l’anus
    Avec une feuille de cactus!

    Wow that was obscure.

    • dangermike says:

      I don’t speak french so I’m admittedly probably way off here, but seeing anything about a pinkish-purple color, cactus, and anus all in the same rhyme makes me very uncomfortable.

      • ChuckECheese says:

        Yeah, those frenchies can make you uncomfortable that way.
        Puce means “flea” in French.
        Alan’s a fleabag who wipes his butt with cactus.

  8. AcctbyDay says:

    *I would never bark my opinion at a stranger, really, but let it be known that neon puce is not an acceptable hue in any situation.

    I agree, a neon puce is unacceptable.

  9. hammitz says:

    Is Consumerist abandoning consumer issues in order to turn in to a funny stuff aggregator? Yesterday, we had an article from the Onion. Today, a finger painting. Both are at least mildly interesting. Neither have anything to do with real consumer issues. If I want to look at funny videos and Reddit reposts, I can just go read Reddit.

    • El_Fez says:

      Only one post out of the twenty-two posted today is funny and not really consumer related. Also, the blog is provided to you free of charge.

      *shakes magic 8 ball*

      “Signs point to suck it up, sunshine”

      • AzCatz07 says:

        Agreed. Poster is free to start his/her own blog and request a refund from this one. I like the funny articles once in a while.

      • hammitz says:

        If you like ‘funny’ content, that’s fine. Perhaps the majority of Consumerist users do. I guess one question is, is this a blog about consumer issues, or is it about funny links that one of the editors finds while surfing the Internet? If it’s the former, then it has something unique to contribute. If it’s the latter, then it will gradually become indistinguishable from any number of other aggregators. Should we silently watch while Consumerist drifts farther and farther away from the content that has made it successful?

        • El_Fez says:

          One story out of 20 – at this rate of drift, plate techtonics will move Portland next to LA first before we reach a 100% Funny Non-Consumer saturation point.

  10. Cacao says:

    One can keep one’s car as dirty as one wishes, but the windows, mirrors and lights must be clear. For safety’s sake.

    • mianne prays her parents outlive the TSA says:

      This was applied to the rear window of a covered pick-up. Odds are the window could be spotless, yet the view out the back would still be too crummy to see, Just like many trucks, buses, and moving vans which force the driver to use side-view mirrors alone to see what’s behind them.

      I guess you could be one of those guys with a spray bottle and an old rag making money while making the roads safer… Everyone LOVES the windshield washer guys right?


  11. Press1forDialTone says:

    I don’t have the “Wash Me” artist problem.
    My alarm system on my ride would have tolerated
    the drawing on the window for about 45 seconds.
    Then it would have woken up the folks on Mars
    we haven’t met yet, called the cops and given
    them the location of the attempted theft. It
    happened in my neighborhood exactly once.

    • finbar says:

      I guess if your alarm really only went off once it wouldn’t be a big deal. But if you have an alarm that can “wake up folk on mars” and goes off every time a Harley drives by or a tree branch falls on it, you might be annoying your neighbors a bit.

    • cspschofield says:

      I once lived in a neighborhood with very narrow tree lawns. Some moron bought a new truck with a proximity alarm that went off (“Step away from the car!”) every time anyone passed on the sidewalk.

      Y’know, it’s amazing how much saliva one truck windshield can accumulate…

    • Bob A Dobalina says:

      yeah, right. who even pays attention to car alarms? there is a reason they are called “urban crickets”

    • Cor Aquilonis says:

      I had a douche neighbor with one of those, and he liked to park his car immediately next to the walkway to my apartment building.

      Odds are, all your neighbors hate you.

  12. axolotl says:

    Guarantee you this is the handiwork of none other than one Sir Thomas Sean Connery.

  13. cspschofield says:

    Two pieces of criticism I wish I could get away with;

    “Very few people look good in dreadlocks. None of them are white.”


    “Honey, if it ain’t for same, why are you advertising?”

    and one that I have actually worn on a button;

    “If you don’t want me to stare at them, don’t print on them.”

    • cspschofield says:


      ….if it ain’t for SALE…

    • nbs2 says:

      Unrelated to the OP, but related to your comment –

      What is etiquette regarding print on a woman’s shirt? Sometimes, I’ll be talking to someone who is bosomed, and notice that there is something printed on the shirt. I want to check out what is printed, but am not sure how long I can look at it (to either digest the point of the image or read the text and put the point of the shirt together). Thinking about it now, it probably isn’t more than a second or two, but it feels like a minute or two of slight discomfort (especially since I feel like I am looking to long and try to make a point of taking looking-elsewhere breaks, which ends up extending my overall chest-viewing time). Also, should I be considering age? I feel more uncomfortable if I have any suspicion the female may be a minor, or if she is a friend of my wife or a mother of a friend of my kids.

      • cspschofield says:

        I just ask, “May I read your shirt?”. It makes it clear why I’m staring, and about half the people I ask are flattered that I want to know what they care about enough to wear. Of course the other half have often flat out forgotten that they’re wearing print on their torso…

        But so far nobody’s been offended.

        I had the button I mentioned made when I was a lot younger and a fair degree more confrontational.

  14. kimshot says:

    How about writing, “I wish my girlfriend was this dirty.”

  15. italianbaby says:

    i just received a check from them yesterday, for $43.60.

  16. Bender6829 says:

    I love the one that says ‘I wish my wife was this dirty’.

  17. 401k says:

    “What’s more chickenshit than fucking with a man’s automobile? I mean, don’t fuck with another man’s vehicle. ” –Vincent Vega

  18. John Eight Thirty-Two says:

    “Unless, again, you draw Bane in what must have been a pain-staking manipulation of window dirt.”

    Yes, that was indeed pain-staking. Bane has staked his pain to that car window! And now the pain will be yours!

    Uh, no. You mean “pains-taking”. As in, the artist took pains to make an elaborate image.