Makers Of Baconnaise Introduce Eternal Pork Embrace: The Bacon Coffin

For diehard bacon aficionados, bacon is not just a way of life, but could also be a way to spend eternity. And no, we don’t mean overeating it to the point of artery-clogging, we mean that J&D’s Foods have created what they call the Bacon Coffin, painted to resemble that supreme pork product and cradle you six feet under forevermore.

We once asked what could be next from the makers of Baconnaise and Bacon Baby Formula, and now they’ve answered us with this eternal offering. In a press release (via King5 News in Seattle), owners Justin and Dave write:

Yes, this is really real. Bacon Coffins are finished with a painted Bacon and Pork shading and accented with gold stationary handles. The interior has an adjustable bed and mattress, a bacon memorial tube and is completed in ivory crepe coffin linens. Don’t you judge us, after baconlube (bacon flavored personal lubricant), we all knew it was just going to keep getting weirder. And yeah, your [sic] right we’re probably going to hell for this one.

At a price tag of $2,999.95 plus shipping, we had to wonder whether there was any actual bacon involved (perhaps the casket’s lining?), so we called up J&D’s to ask.

“No, it’s just made to look like bacon,” explained customer service rep Kaitlyn. We suggested that it might behoove them to throw in some of their bacon products to sweeten the deal, to which she replied with a laugh, saying, “I’ll have to run that by Justin and Dave.”

Please do.

Bacon Coffin lets bacon lovers die AND go to Heaven [King5 News]


Edit Your Comment

  1. blogger X says:

    Baconlube? BACONLUBE?!?!?

  2. El_Fez says:

    At least they could provide that bacon-y smell for the interior! That way my Ka can smell the wonderful pork product for all eternity!

  3. umbriago says:

    Why not be buried in what put ‘cha there? You’ll no doubt be as well preserved, thanks to all the nitrates you’ve eaten.

  4. keith4298 says:

    Perfect for Bin Laden – a little too late guys…..

  5. Michael Belisle says:

    Why not just be smoked and treated like bacon, then buried in a mummified pig carcass? Then you and your love can finally be one, for eternity.

  6. Mike says:

    Heh, get buried in a coffin designed after the stuff that killed you.

  7. AlteredBeast (blaming the OP one article at a time.) says:

    Personally, my bacon doesn’t look like that.

  8. Kevin5280 says:

    I love bacon, Bacon Popcorn these guys created is just horrifyingly bad.

    I bet the coffin tastes like crap too.

  9. MrMagoo is usually sarcastic says:

    Mrs. Magoo might look at getting one of these for me. She cooked up a pound of bacon the other day and left it on plates to cool.

    It disappeared.

    She wasn’t happy.

    It was good.

    Why does my chest hurt?

  10. gman863 says:

    If you’re buried in one of these, does the minister end the service with,

    Ba-dee, ba-dee, ba-dee, that’s all folks!

  11. 2 Replies says:

    Coffins are stupid. When you’re dead you can’t enjoy them.
    And the people who sell them are the worst.
    “Don’t you want your loved one to be comfortable?”
    Fucking vultures. The person is DEAD, comfort is no longer an issue.
    You know this, yet you still try to prey on those with recently deceased loved ones.

    • Raider Duck says:

      It’s like the Funeral Directors who advertise steel caskets with a 20-year warranty and whatnot. If I ever get buried in one, I’m going to leave specific instructions to dig me up every few years to check on the casket.

  12. SPOON - now with Forkin attitude says:

    I keep bacon salt on my desk for hard boiled eggs. delicious.

  13. sgtyukon says:

    I’d want my coffin painted like that on the inside. It wouldn’t help me after I’m dead, but it would please me to know it’s coming before I kick off.

  14. Princess Beech loves a warm cup of treason every morning says:

    I prefer getting cremated and put in a bacon urn.

  15. pythonspam says:

    If I ever open a hotel, my guests will be issued bacon-scented keycards.

  16. oldtaku says:

    Can we admit now that bacon jumped the cupcake a while ago?

  17. Jane_Gage says:

    Looks like orange leeches.

  18. Difdi says:

    If a Muslim is buried in one of these, does he go to hell?

    • loueloui says:

      Yes they do go to hell. Or possibly Waffle House which some would argue would be about the same.

      I would have personally chiped in for one of these for Osama Bin Laden. Too bad they were a few months late with it.

  19. MonkeyMonk says:

    I just want a bacon shroud.

  20. scottcom36 says:

    I’ve never seen orange bacon before, and I hope I never do.

  21. undeadsac says:

    that’s a casket, not a coffin. weird how people still don’t recognize that there’s a difference.