Hilarious Cash4Gold Letter Is Fake

An amusing letter purporting to be from Cash4Gold telling a customer to please stop sending them gold-painted rocks and making filthy demands has been making the rounds (read it inside). But in statements exclusive to Consumerist, the company says it’s as genuine as pyrite. The letter’s creator has fessed up too.

“No, obviously the letter is a fake,” CEO Jeff Aronson told Consumerist with a chuckle. “We didn’t send it out. We have no customer by that name.”

By email, the artist, going by the name “Gregory Haberny,” explained to Consumerist his impetus for crafting the parody letter.

“They are extortion artists. I’m a conceptual artist. I beat them at their own game,” the prankster wrote Consumerist.


Last year, Consumerist investigated Cash4Gold. Cash4Gold sued Consumerist but eventually dropped the lawsuit.

The artist’s website has other similar epistles, supposedly from George Bush and MoMa, describing graphic acts and offensive statements they would like him to cease contacting them about.


Edit Your Comment

  1. SonarTech52 says:

    That is pretty funny.

  2. KillerBee says:

    Too late. 100,000 people have already sent in boxes of gold-painted rocks as a result of seeing this letter.

  3. YOXIM says:

    Bad grammar aside, LOL

  4. c!tizen says:

    “No, obviously the letter is a fake,” CEO Jeff Aronson told Consumerist with a chuckle. “We didn’t send it out. We have no sense of humor here.”

  5. Cheap Sniveler: Sponsored by JustAnswer.comâ„¢ says:

    “Good Evening, and welcome to ‘Bad Conceptual Art Playhouse’, I am your host, Leonard Pinth-Garnell.”

  6. Dover says:

    Aww, I am disappoint.

  7. SimplyStating says:

    If you are going to create a fake letter, atleast use proper punctuation. But it was good for a chuckle or two.

  8. bsh0544 says:

    I’m not sure how faking a letter means he “beat them at their own game.”

    • dwtomek says:

      He wins when they pay untold amounts to ship rocks from all around the country to their processing facility.

      • JonathanR says:

        But its fake, they didn’t pay any shipping…

        • caradrake says:

          But now thousands (millions?) of people have read his letter and may just send in their own gold painted rocks. Maybe that’s not what he was referring to in the letter, but it is a likely result.

  9. CaughtLooking says:

    I guess the ‘quadriplegic hooker’ didn’t catch anyone off guard.

  10. sonnetfm says:

    Wait, people thought this was real?

  11. lolBunny says:

    The structure of this letter is quite unprofessional and the phrases “quadriplegic hooker” and “ungreased, backdoor, Hammertime lovemaking session” would never appear in a company letter like this. This is definitely not how a CEO would draft a cease and desist letter.

    Also, the lack of a proper signature (job title and contact information) is a dead give-a-way. All major companies have a format for email and letter signatures which this letter is clearly lacking.

    I am not amused -_-

  12. SecretShopper: pours out a lil' liquor for the homies Wasp & Otter says:

    “ungreased, backdoor; Hammertime lovemaking session”

    thats when one person wears parachute pants while the other screams “o, o, o, stop: hammertime”

  13. Press1forDialTone says:

    I happen to think it look completely genuine considering the
    reputation of Cash4Gold is pretty much septic sewer territory.
    Wait, listen, my 4,000 lbs of river rock has arrived on my
    front lawn and the Lowe’s delivery truck is unloading
    150 gallons of gold paint and 10,000 zip lock bags…
    Gotta get to work Jeffy-weffy.

  14. StevePierce says:

    What is the artists website?

  15. yessongs says:

    Why didn’t I think of that????

  16. Norvy says:

    Rob Cockerham beat this guy to it: http://www.cockeyed.com/citizen/goldkit/gold_kit.shtml

  17. XianZomby says:
  18. judacris says:

    An obvious fake. Our hookers are paraplegic or better.

  19. Jackson6 says:

    I love how the framed letter is resting on a chinese menu. Ill have the #8 with wonton soup.