Celebrate The Imminent Return Of Jesus With 50% Off All Jewelry

When the End Times come, all world economies will collapse, leaving the unlucky survivors to barter for their survival. Precious metals and gems will be very popular. That’s probably why this jewelry store in the Midwest took out local TV ads promoting their “Second Coming Sale” with 50% off all merchandise. It’s not even close to Easter yet!


In case you’re reading this somewhere without speakers or Flash, here’s a partial transcript of the ad.

[OMINOUS MUSIC]

Did you know the Bible predicts the day of the Lord, followed by the return of Jesus Christ to Jerusalem? As I read the daily news and look around the world, I believe we’re really close to that day. Nonetheless, here and now, if you want jewelry, I have access to millions. Diamonds and gemstones, gold, silver, watches and clocks, and I’m selling everything at 50% off, giving you unbelievable savings.

One local blogger noticed that the last time Google Street View visited the store’s neighborhood, they were having a retirement sale.

Whether it’s entirely sincere or a cynical ploy, you’ve got to admit: you certainly paid attention to the second half of the ad.

The Second Coming Sale [YouTube] (Thanks, Craig!)
End times bad for jewelry business? Have a sale [Northword]