Even More Reasons Your Waitress Hates You

Last week, we wrote about the reasons your cocktail waitress probably doesn’t like you very much. The item earned some strong reactions, including an f-bomb laden response/addendum from the folks theGloss.com.

It appears that the site’s Deputy Editor was herself a cocktail waitress — “a sexy pirate cocktail waitress with an eyepatch,” to use her own words — here in the Big Apple. And she felt so moved by the original list that she decided to add her own.

Some choice quotes:

On tipping:
“Tip me, jerkface. Especially if you think I did a good job. I don’t need you to tell me I’m pretty. I don’t need you to tell me I’m too smart to be a cocktail waitress. Your compliments do not help me or Marilyn Monroe at the automat. I do need you to tip me. A dollar a drink is standard.And when you pass me a fistful of nickels as you would a homeless person? I hate you.”

On complaints about the price of drinks:
“Do not attempt to haggle with me. It’s New York. The drinks do not cost what they cost in Podunk. Do I think $5 for a jello shot is outrageous? Yes, I do! But then, I do not know why you are eating alcoholic jello to begin with. Did they run out of all the real drinks in the entire world? Whatever. No matter how many times you exclaim that you could get 17 of these for 25 cents in Bumblefuck, the price will not change. And I will hate you.”

On being a sexist ass:
“Do not sexually harass me, fucktard. That guy who used to think it was really funny to raise his fingers up in a V for Victory sign to his mouth and waggle his tongue back and forth? It took him about a month to realize that I was always spilling drinks on him deliberately. Because I hated him.”

Check out Jennifer’s entire list at theGloss.com