UEFA Issues Red Card To Vuvuzelas

Nothing makes a monotonous soccer game more difficult to watch than several hours of the monotone bleating of vuvuzelas, the plastic horns that drove many World Cup viewers to hit the mute button. Thankfully, the Union of European Football (don’t call it soccer) Associations has decided to ban the noisemakers.

Quoth the UEFA:

European football’s governing body has informed its 53 member associations that it has taken the move for reasons related to Europe’s football culture and tradition, saying that the atmosphere at matches would be changed by the sound of the vuvuzela…

The World Cup was characterized by the vuvuzela’s widespread and permanent use in the stands. In the specific context of South Africa, the vuvuzela adds a touch of local flavor and folklore, but UEFA feels that the instrument’s widespread use would not be appropriate in Europe, where a continuous loud background noise would be emphasized.

The magic of football consists of the two-way exchange of emotions between the pitch and the stands, where the public can transmit a full range of feelings to the players.

However, UEFA is of the view that the vuvuzelas would completely change the atmosphere, drowning supporter emotions and detracting from the experience of the game.

To avoid the risk of these negative effects in the stadiums where UEFA competitions are played and to protect the culture and tradition of football in Europe — singing, chanting etc — UEFA has decided with immediate effect that vuvuzelas will not be allowed in the stadiums where UEFA competitions matches are played.

As we reported a month ago, vuvuzelas have already been silenced at the World Basketball Championships.

Vuvuzelas banned from European soccer competition [Reuters]

Basketball Championships To Be Vuvuzela-Free
KFC Hates Vuvuzelas Too; Will Give You A Free Doublicious For Yours
BP Offices To Be Serenaded By Orchestra Of Vuvuzelas
Free Anti-Vuvuzela Software To Stop Your Ears From Bleeding


Edit Your Comment

  1. El Matarife says:

    Don’t like it? Don’t watch it. Don’t comment on it.

    • SuperSnackTime says:

      What does this mean in this context?

      • pantheonoutcast says:

        That he is a fan of boring sports and / or plastic noisemaker toys and to hell with anyone who isn’t?

        • El Matarife says:

          The article could have easily been written with a different intro that didn’t knock the sport itself. I don’t get why people who don’t like it feel the need to comment on it.

          • Southern says:

            What does loving soccer have to do with HATING those FRACKING noisemakers?

            I stopped watching the World Cup because of ’em. Gave me a headache. I couldn’t stand just muting the TV because then I couldn’t hear the commentary.

          • kouotsu says:

            It’s okay, we don’t blame you for liking monotonous activities. Most of us like a few. But don’t deny the obvious monotony! Respect soccer for what it is!

    • RxDude says:

      Hey, when the fans in the stands have to blow horns to entertain themselves during the game, maybe it’s just a little boring.

    • Mr.Grieves says:

      Don’t like the story? Don’t read it. Don’t comment on it.

      I can do it to. But I’m of the opinion that everyone is allowed to express their opinion, news poster, and news reader, you, so whatevs.

  2. chaesar says:

    what’s that, no sideways beakers?

  3. Anathema777 says:

    I think the opening write-up could stand to be just a tad more judgmental.

  4. full.tang.halo says:

    Hey FIFA, you listening, get your ban-hammer, dust it of and get to work.

    Also, goal line tech, snap to it. Don’t be the MLB of Europe.

  5. yevarechecha says:

    Thank goodness. FIFA needs to follow suit. I was eventually able to tune them out on the TV broadcasts of the World Cup but I can’t imagine how awful it must be for the fans and players in the stadium surrounded by these things. We sat in front of some idiots with one at an exhibition match at the Meadowlands a few years ago and I wanted to kill them within 5 minutes.

  6. sir_eccles says:

    Just as a point of order, the word “soccer” derives from “association” therefore to suggest replacing the “football” in UEFA with the word “soccer” is akin to suggesting you enter your PIN number into the ATM machine.

    • probablykate says:

      Wait… do you NOT enter your PIN number into the ATM machine? You lost me there.

      • Banned in DC says:

        Or in other words:

        Wait… do you NOT enter your personal identification number number into the automatic teller machine machine? You lost me there.

        • probablykate says:

          Ah, I see. I thought this was a SAT test like “soccer is to football as PIN is to ATM”

          • Applekid ┬──┬ ノ( ã‚œ-゜ノ) says:

            Ooh ooh, I want to play the confusion game!

            Don’t never not forget to never accept candy from strangers.

          • ReverendTed says:

            Please tell me “SAT test” was intentional.

      • ReverendTed says:

        Consider what the “N” in “PIN” and “M” in “ATM” stand for.
        sir_eccles must work for the Department of Redundancy Department, specializing in RAS Syndrome.

        That said, I think he’s incorrect in this instance. “Soccer” derives from “Association Football” (think “Assoc”), the full specific name for the sport. While repetitive, Association Football Association wouldn’t be redundant, because the first “Association” is an adjective describing what KIND of football.

        • Banned in DC says:

          The A in UEFA doesn’t mean that kind of association.

          The FA in UEFA means “association football” (in French) as in the sport’s name, not as in “organization.” UEFA is the European Union of Association Football (more or less).

          The international governing body is FIFA, a French acronym for International Federation of Association Football.

          And however you say it, vuvuzelas should all be melted down and turned into stadium seats or something useful.

          • KeithIrwin says:

            Actually, it’s not. You would think it would be because FIFA is the french “Fédération Internationale de Football Association” which translates to “International Federation of Association Football” in English (“Association Football” being the official name of the sport). So you would think that the FA in UEFA stands for the same thing as the FA in FIFA, but it doesn’t. UEFA isn’t french. It’s english. It stands for “Union of European Football Associations”. The french is “Union des Associations Européennes de Football” which would be UAEF. Either way, this one actually is a union of football associations, not association football.

  7. Applekid ┬──┬ ノ( ゜-゜ノ) says:

    Vuvuzelas are the best physical manifestation of people’s innermost desire to troll others. See also, bullhorns, telecom customer service, and chain delivery pizza.

  8. Warren - aka The Piddler on the Roof says:

    Some douche bag was blowing one of those damn things outside my place the other day. I came VERY close to going out there and seeing how far I could shove it up his ass.

    • ElGordo says:

      Haha, that’s one of the chants for the Timbers Army supporters group here in Portland.

      You can shove that vuvuzela up your ass! (clap clap clap)
      You can shove that vuvuzela up your ass! (clap clap clap)
      You can shove that vuvuzela, you can shove that vuvuzela, you can shove that vuvuzela up your ass! (clap clap clap)

  9. PsiCop says:

    Great move! That awful drone was horrific. Sounded almost funereal and macabre. I had been afraid it might catch on outside South Africa and even migrate to other sports. I would hate to have to give up on the Red Sox and the UConn Huskies because of them.

  10. keepntabs says:

    I guess it really is cultural, because after a while I didn’t even pay much attention to the sound of the vuvuzelas, and focused on the games being played. To me, they are the equivalent in irritation to those dumb “thunder sticks” that I have been seeing in baseball and basketball games. However, since that is an American tradition (and, I guess European, because I see them at the FIBA championships), no one is complaining to ferociously about them.

    • RxDude says:

      Nobody who has seen my “thunder stick” at a sporting event has complained.

    • nbs2 says:

      When they first showed up, I remember seeing complaints – eventually they became accepted. I don’t know the history of the vuvuzela in SA, but I suspect it went through the same growth period before acceptance. Here, UEFA is trying to head off acceptance.

  11. SPOON - now with Forkin attitude says:

    “Exchange of emotions between pitch and stand” somehow equates to riots in my mind. In that case they don’t want one side armed with plastic player beaters?

  12. jvanbrecht says:

    “The World Cup was characterized by the vuvuzela’s widespread and permanent use in the stands. In the specific context of South Africa, the vuvuzela adds a touch of local flavor and folklore”

    I call bullshit… I am a South African (living in the US for the past decade+ )… every single one of my friends, and family who live in SA.. hate that damn instrument.. if you can even call it that… It was annoying, plain and simple, one here and one there maybe.. but the constant drone…. it was a mistake to ever have allowed it in the first place…

  13. AllanG54 says:

    I don’t watch football but it was on in a restaurant I went to. The sound drove me crazy. I thought there was something wrong with the feed. Oh well, maybe they’ll replace them with those air horns.

  14. dg says:

    They are asinine – about 10 imbeciles brought them to a football game around us recently and we coulld hear them for BLOCKS. That, and groups of these mental giants were running down the street blowing them and screaming/yelling the whole time… Totally ridiculous. These things should be banned., collected, burned, and then the ball of evil plastic should be launched into the Sun. Yeah, they are that bad.