Broadview Security Systems Protect You From Hordes Of Scary Guys In Black Sweatshirts

The ads for Broadview Security address an important issue for modern women: someone is always lurking outside waiting to rape you. Did I say address? I meant to say something more like stoke flames of fear. Comedian Sarah Haskins takes on the security alarm systems rape fables in a recent epsiode of Target: Women.

Sarah Haskins in Target Women: Broadview Security [Current]


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  1. Kabukistar says:

    I love Sarah Haskins. Her videos always hit the mark on stupid, gender-targeted advertising.

    I wish somebody would make a “Target Men” show in the same sort of format. Those Axe commercials desperately need to be lampooned.

  2. dourdan says:

    I do notice that too. I guess the sterotype is that if a man got attacked or robbed he would take matters in to hsi own hands.

  3. Scatter says:

    Is this a commercial or a spoof of a commercial?

    It seems like a joke but it gives Broadview’s phone number so many times i’m not sure.

  4. tonsilpool says:

    Notice she said you can get an alarm system for $99.
    Don’t believe it! Listen to their adds very carefully.
    It’s “INSTALLATION” for $99.
    You gotta pay for the system plus monthly “monitoring” in addition to “installation.”

    • Applekid ┬──┬ ノ( ã‚œ-゜ノ) says:

      Well, yeah. Don’t they also advertise how great their monitoring service is in the same ad?

      I’m upset car commercials don’t say I have to pay extra for gas.

    • GuyGuidoEyesSteveDaveâ„¢ says:

      Well, who else is going to pay for those blonde guys in the pressed shirts in the state of the art command center which nearly rivals that of the one I have installed in the GitEmSteveDave Dome?

  5. floor9 says:

    In all seriousness, anyone looking for an alarm system should consider the do-it-yourself route. There are plenty of reliable wired and wireless systems on the market for under $200, and several reputable companies offer 24/7/365 UL-listed monitoring for under $12 a month. I’m not going to spam their name, but I’ve been using one such company since 2005 and they’ve been far more helpful and customer-friendly than ADT.

    • bsh0544 says:

      Any links? My mom’s been on and off concerned about security for a while now. She talked to ADT a few months ago but that’s hardly economical. I’d be glad for any guidance you might have.

      • Ragman says:

        In my personal experience, ADT is overpriced and faulty. The system would test fine, but never got a call when someone set off the alarm accidentally. Not to mention that $30/month for 3 years was my price with a free install. They still want $30/month with an existing system.

        Thompson offers cellular monitoring for $89 down and

    • clamjuice says:

      Security is a serious issue and an increasing one in the U.S. as well as the rest of the world. To take it for granted is a mistake, and it could be a costly one; both financially and physically. Spend the money on a Pro. Install, pay for the monitoring and make sure you get it recognized by your Home Owners Insurance Policy. If your Home Owners Policy won’t give you a break on your fees and even possibly pay you back for the Install, drop them and go with a company that does recognize it. You can basically get your system and monthly monitoring for half the cost.

      (i sound like an infomercial) lol

      • Dondegroovily says:

        No, security is a decreasing issue. Crime has been dropping for years in most countries. Only South Africa, Sudan and Zimbabwe have reason to fear like these commercials show.

        • Traveshamockery says:

          Don’t dial 911…dial 1911.

        • Traveshamockery says:

          I replied to the wrong spot. Anyway, what I was going to say HERE is that if you think violent home invasions don’t happen in the USA, then I hope your fantastical notions are never disrupted.

        • vesper says:

          I agree. Being a victim of crime is very remote in the States. What ADT and other companies use is emotions and create a sense that you’re going to be a victim. This is especially true for women and this is why you’ll see mostly women in their ad’s. They know that they can get them emtionally upset and worried and then they’ll be nagging their husbands about getting a sys installed. You need to put this into perspective; where do you live? the crime rate? I have cousin that lives in Chicago and she has never been assaulted. I live in Metro Detroit haven’t either. There are folks that live in BFE that have been assaulted. So where is the logic in getting one? Because ADT wants us to feel fear and ohhhhhhhhhhhhh because it may happen to YOU. LOL.

          • Rectilinear Propagation says:

            Being a victim of crime is very remote in the States…You need to put this into perspective; where do you live? the crime rate?

            Those statements are kinda contradictory.

          • clamjuice says:


            And I grew up in a Detwa suburb also.

        • clamjuice says:

          I’m not speaking of only Rape and physical crimes. Burglary is up! Way up! When cities, counties and states report crime (like when they tell you who the safest cities in america are) those are only the reports of physical crimes. (not always) but most of the time

          Other types of crimes do exist. Blackmail, kidnapping, Stolen Cars, Jewelery, your basic breaking and entering. Just because you don’t see the crimes being committed on TV or hear about them like the Rapes, Murders and Assaults; doesn’t mean that other forms of security don’t exist.

          I am a PPO here in California, crime against the wealthy is extremely high. I’m not familiar with crime in other countries, to be honest with you. I do know that my business has increased in the last couple of years when most companies have gone out of business in other industries.

          I agree that this spoof on Brinks/Broadview is pretty good, and I think the actual commercial is pretty much garbage and far from the truth in regards to those types of crimes.

  6. Skellbasher says:

    “I like to call them ‘Rape Fables’ ” So non-PC, yet so accurate. :p

    • mianne prays her parents outlive the TSA says:

      Notice the ads often have her contacting the dapper security command center rep after the danger has passed. DSCCR provides soothing words to reassure our damsel in deistress that everything will be okay, but he’ll send someone over just to be sure.

      It really is the female equivalent of those phone sex ads on late nite TV for men.

  7. loueloui says:

    I used to do technical consulting work for several alarm answering companies. Most brands you see advertised don’t use their own monitoring staff, they just contract from someone else. In fact depending on which phone number you dial you could spend much more money for the identical service.

    Instead of a bunch of guys sitting around in business casual awaiting any sign of distress, imagine a bunch of hippies in a converted house crammed full of old electronics. That’s far closer to what you’re likely to get. I’m not saying you wouldn’t get good service, you more than likely would. I always found it amusing though what a sham the commercials were.

    • MrEvil says:

      Y’know, you’d think with all the money they spent on the fake command center and the hunky guy for the commercial, they could really have one of those cool command centers.

  8. MrEvil says:

    Statistically speaking, if you’re going to be burglarized it’s going to be while you’re NOT at home. So I seriously don’t have a problem with alarm systems in general. I mean while I still think the best protection against home invasion is a firearm and the proper practice in its use, alot of good a gun does to protect your home when you’re not there. At least until someone creates a practical home defense robot that can shoot burglars so you don’t have to.

    Mind you, if a criminal is brazen enough to break in while you’re at home, odds are he’s not concerned with some loud noises or the several minutes it’ll take the cops to show up.

    • clamjuice says:

      HERE HERE!

      Someone walks in on my family and I’ll double tap your candy ass.

      Don’t let the Government take away or even restrict our rights on firearms. Assault weapons, YES; get them off the street.

      • Traveshamockery says:

        What’s an “assault weapon”? You just contradicted yourself. Usually when people say they want “assault weapons” off the streets they mean “any gun I wouldn’t personally purchase”. Educate yourself on the completely foolish and ineffective California gun restrictions, and the 1994-2004 Federal Assault Weapons ban before proclaiming support for unconstitutional, ineffective legislation.

    • Dondegroovily says:

      Classic ideology: The best defense is a gun, unless you’re burglarized when you’re not there, in which case the gun is no use, and most burglaries are when you’re not home, but still, you need a gun.

    • Eyebrows McGee (now with double the baby!) says:

      A criminal brazen enough to walk in while you’re there, and you HAPPEN to have the gun within reach AND loaded (which is in many cases poor gun safety), what is MOST likely to happen, statistically, is the altercation that would have otherwise stopped at burglary and simple assault is going to escalate to shooting, and the criminal is more desperate and has a lot more people to shoot than you do, assuming you have a family present.

      Not that you don’t have every right to own a firearm. I can read. But the myth of protection from home invasion is just that: A myth. It typically makes home invasion scenarios MUCH more dangerous and MUCH more likely to end in tragedy for the homeowner than when the homeowner does NOT pull a gun.

      (Now of course, if most of your local home invasions are done by idiot teenagers sporting kitchen knives, more power to you. A firearm threat, loaded or unloaded, will solve that problem right quick.)

      • Elphaba says:

        It’s not improper gun safety to have a holstered weapon loaded. It’s improper gun safety to leave a loaded weapon just laying around, but not to be wearing a loaded weapon.

        • bwcbwc says:

          Gee mommy, do you have to wear the holster EVERY time we go out to play soccer?

        • Eyebrows McGee (now with double the baby!) says:

          Well, I suppose some people sit around watching TV wearing their holstered weapon, but I was thinking more about people asleep at night with a loaded gun to hand. Especially if, God forbid, they have children in the house who could wander around at night.

          Again, I don’t really have a problem with responsible gun ownership, but an appalling number of people don’t practice proper gun safety … and I think if you have children in the home, that needs to be double-extra gun safety. And I can’t really think how you’re going to *guarantee* you can get to a loaded gun fast enough during a home invasion to USE it without compromising proper gun safety practices. (And that’s leaving aside the issue of escalating a home invasion to a deadly violence level, and whether that increases risk to you and/or your family.)

          • Rain says:

            You have a problem with The Back-Up? Whatever for?


          • GuyGuidoEyesSteveDaveâ„¢ says:

            I grew up in a home with multiple guns. But unlike some people, like my cousins, my parents admitted things existed in the world, and as such, taugh me proper gun safety, I think I only held/touched my Dad’s service piece two or three times in my life. They were all while he was cleaning it, of course. I reccomend even if parent’s DON’T have a gun in the house to teach their children what to do. It can save a life.

      • pot_roast says:

        An often parroted but unproven statistic. Reality points in the other direction.

        • halfcuban says:

          What is NOT an unproven statistic of course is that most violent crime is committed by someone you know ( ; look up Table 6, Relationship to Victim), meaning that having a gun lying around is useless, or potentially MORE dangerous, especially in situations of spousal or partner violence/abuse. The personal defense argument for gun ownership is almost non-existent outside of anecdotal stories that individuals provide. But the substantive, society-wide reality is that violent crime against individuals, especially women, is overwhelmingly committed by someone you know.
          Property crime is another thing, things like car theft, purse snatching, burglary etc, now THOSE are usually random.

    • veronykah says:

      I tend to think between myself and my bull terrier anyone who breaks into my apartment will be a sorry sorry individual.

  9. TVarmy says:

    Is it just me, or did you see an Obama logo on the little girl’s shirt in the first bit?

    Maybe it’s meant to be a dog whistle for liberals who would be reluctant to own a gun? I wonder if they expect you to consciously notice it, or if it’s meant to be subconscious?

    Still, pretty cheap tactic. Most burglars are teenagers who just want to steal about $100 of stuff and run away. They’re very rarely rapists. Most rape is done by acquaintances.

  10. morlo says:

    A commercial showing that all a burglar wants is cash and electronics would leave most women cold.

  11. DrRonster says:

    This article should be about the exorbitant fees and terms of alarm contracts. I dealt with Counterforce. They buy the contracts from other companies that went bust because when you sign up, its for 3 years. When the alarm company I had signed with in late 04 went bust, I immediately filed a chargeback with Visa and the $161 for the 6 months was returned. But Counterforce blackmailed me into finishing the 3 yr contract by threatening my credit. I agreed to finish that 3 year term. Lo and behold after the 3 year term, Counterforce claimed that since I had not given them notice of termination at least 60 days prior to term end that contract was automatically renewed for another 3 years. The system never worked. My dog was the alarm company as far as I was concerned. After bickering with them for a couple months, I filed a complaint with the Better Business Bureau of Houston Texas at 2:30 am. I also informed Counterforce of the complaint. At 11am I checked my email and there was a letter from them releasing me from the contract. I still feel that they stole over $800 for the 2 1/2 years that they blackmailed me into and during which time the system was never used. Counterforce deserves a class action lawsuit on behalf of everyone that got screwed like me. This may have seamed funny until you read the contract that they hope you dont read.

    • vesper says:

      LOL,,,now there is another scam: automatic renewals. Didn’t this begin about 12 years ago? Now companies are too lazy to get on the horn and call you for continuing their contractual services. Oh no,,,now you’re on a automatic renewal even if you don’t ask for one. I can be a huge A-HOLE when this happens to me and I let companies know exactly how I feel. Scott’s Lawn Care did this to me back in ’05. I signed up for a summer’s deal and in April of ’06 they had showed up at my place and left a bill. Of course I was given the explanation that I was on a automatic renewal program (with which I didn’t not sign up). My new lawn service did this too so I cancelled them this month after getting their notice. AND they put me on notice that the charges would increase from $400.00 to $678.00. In one year? I’ll do the work myself. I always laugh at the sales rep explanations on how this automatic renewal is for our benefit. LOL.

    • parabola101 says:

      here’s a website that posts the comments of the people who actually purchase security systems… (search on security company)

  12. badgeman46 says:

    The ironic part is that if anyone is doing the raping, it is the alarm company. I had one of those systems and 4,000 dollars later I am finally free of that contract.

  13. Dondegroovily says:

    What I notice about these commercials, is that it’s always a man answering the phone in the control center. Classic sexism – The helpless terrified woman needs a man to protect her.

    • Eyebrows McGee (now with double the baby!) says:

      To be fair, in my experience of constantly accidentally setting off the alarm at a charity I volunteer with, it’s always a man answering the phone. And I must have done that two dozen times or so.

    • pecan 3.14159265 says:

      To be fair, when someone has a crash and calls OnStar, it’s usually a woman.

    • RandomZero says:

      And, of course, the would-be thief/rapist shows up the moment the man leaves. In short, the message is “If you ever leave the stern, prtective gaze of your big, strong man, you will be raped. In fact, you’re being raped right now.”

  14. NYGuy1976 says:

    Those commercials are disturbing. Every one of those women are living in at least a half million dollar well kept home. If you need an alarm set during the day for all the white male burglars in your neighborhood, you should move ASAP.

  15. Mr-Mr says:

    The thing that always irritates me about these “alarm systems” commercials is that the bad guy always runs off as soon as he hears the alarm go off. That’s unrealistic. If someone breaks your door down, with the intent of harming you, they’ll do it really fast and run off. If they break the door/window with the intent of robbing, they’ll grab whatever they can first. Besides, the way the cops are being used today, to give tickets instead of patrolling neighborhoods, it’s be a while before they respond to a call. I’m all for having an alarm system in your home/apartment. But, to think that it provides some sort of shield is a bit ridiculous and false.

    • Con Seanne-BZZZZZZZZZZZZ says:

      When every second counts, the police are only minutes away!

    • GuyGuidoEyesSteveDaveâ„¢ says:

      I agree. But these are usually in neighborhoods. I think about the less than city areas. Like this lady who had a drunk guy trying to break into her home. She had dogs, guard dogs, a fence, etc… Even when told she had a gun, he eventually broke through her back window and was shot by the home owner. IIRC, it took 16 minutes for the nearest police unit to get to her home at full speed after the call was received. I will caution, it’s a very emotional call. She didn’t want to do what she HAD to do, but did it as soon as he broke her back glass door down with some patio furniture.

      As Con said, they are only minutes away, and sometimes seconds count.

  16. Traveshamockery says:

    When somebody breaks in, dial 911 after dialing 1911.

  17. evilpete says:

    I like how all the people stop running from the intruder and answer the phone

    • Rectilinear Propagation says:

      I know! Who does that?

      In some of those ads it looks like the woman didn’t even get out of the room before answering the phone and in none of them locked the door of the room they did run into. It’s like they all assumed the chase was over once the phone rang.

  18. Blueskylaw says:

    Can anyone here supply an actual picture from their “command center”? I will bet you a month of free monitoring that it doesn’t look like the Hollywood set they use on television.

    As an aside, in one of the commercials I’ve seen it looks like the phone starts ringing a split second before the door actually gets kicked in.

    • dantsea says:

      Well, in theory if the alarm were triggered it could spit out a command at monitoring to autodial the number, like telemarketers do, and then only connect you to a human if you pick up. But like most autodialer situations, you’d probably get “please hold for an important call!” while the killer stabbed you to death.

  19. mbz32190 says:

    I ditched my monitoring years ago when I realized it was a waste of money. Buying some ADT signs off 3bay is just as effective (although they are harder to find now). I can still set my alarm box (installed when I bought the house) to make noise, which which should deter most amateur burglars.

    • SacraBos says:

      So steal them from someone that has ADT monitoring. The signs themselves usually aren’t monitored.

      I did not advocate the above statement.

  20. LastError says:

    These ads annoy the crap out of me, for making men look awful and for making women look worse.

    Cower in fear ladies! Run! Hurry! He’s coming to get you! The big bad wolf!

    The reality is that modern women are much tougher than that. Many of my women friends are much more liable to shoot first and run AT the burglar/rapist. IF the attacker lives, they may even call for an ambulance.

    Instead of chocolate, I gave boxes of ammo this year. Very well received by the recipients.

  21. dolemite says:

    That was quite humorous.

  22. Aaronjk says:

    .357 revolver, learn to use it, threat neutralized before “Broadview” even calls. Plus, you don’t have to worry about the 10 minutes its gonna take the cops to finally show up.

  23. Ronin Democrat says:

    You ALL missed a big point.

    Who takes a KNOWN name like Brinks.
    Which essentially MEANS safety and security and changes it into Broadview, a name that implies a condo conversion.

    Marketing FAIL!!!!!

    • nybiker says:

      If I understood my brother (he’s currently working there as a salesman, though not for long, as they keep getting undercut by ADT & the big shots don’t let the salespeople meet the ADT price) the Broadview name is for homes & small businesses. Brinks is still for the big guys.
      In any event, the video is still funny. And you are also correct that using a different name is still a FAIL as it means people have to wonder who you (Broadview) are.

    • Rectilinear Propagation says:

      Or a consulting company

  24. stuckinms says:

    I would personally like the use the approach taken in an old Saturday Night Live parody. I would feel so much safer with a mannequin, dressed as an intruder, with a knife poised over me behind the couch. It tells the bad guys that someone’s already breaking into this house.

  25. Snakeophelia says:

    Yeah, the Broadview commercials are a tad over the top. On the other hand, we have their security system, and when I accidentally set the alarm off, they called my cell phone, husband’s phone, and my work before I was able to get back downstairs to my cell phone. I think if I hadn’t been able to reply within 60 seconds, they would have sent the police, which in my area means my house would have been surrounded by squad cars within three minutes.

    I think we’re getting our money’s worth. There were quite a few break-ins in our neighborhood this spring, and we’re away enough that it’s nice to know the police would be alerted if someone kicked in our back door. I also like the fire emergency button which automatically sends the fire department. All in all, I think if you’re going to go with a pro, I’d recommend Broadview. There was no hard sell (we wanted the most basic package, we got the most basic package), and their terms were quite reasonable.

  26. Rectilinear Propagation says:

    Why are they always busting through the door? Why are they always able to bust through the door? (Dancing strengthens the legs?)

    They can afford a big house and a security system but not a door stronger than plywood? Heck, in one of them the intruder doesn’t even break the door, he just kicks it open. It IS possible to buy windows and doors that are tough so that it isn’t easy to break into the house in the first place.

  27. Con Seanne-BZZZZZZZZZZZZ says:

    These commercials are almost comically racist. What I get out of them is that a) only white people rob houses, b) all rapes are committed by white men, and c) white men are easily scared off.

  28. verdegrrl says:

    Ask most cops and they say you are on your own. They usually arrive in time to write the report and not much more.

  29. jayphat says:

    Personnally, I’m more concerned over the fact that EVERY door in these commercials seems to be made out of a sheet of plywood. It seems a 185 lb guy is easily able to just give one kick and every door flys open. Perhaps they should have skimped on the alarm system and spend more money on the front door.

  30. Chuck Norris' wig says:

    It’s been pointed out by Anthony Cumia that every robber/rapist in these commercials looks just like me, when in reality they um,,,,,,don’t look like me.

    But we can’t have that on tv in these enlightened times.

    Truth is for racists.

    • Rectilinear Propagation says:

      Unless you’re purple then yes, some of them look like you.

      But everyone in these ads is white. I think it’s more likely that the ad is targeting white people with money (all of the houses in these ads are HUGE) than trying not to offend anyone racially.

  31. INsano says:

    Not going to watch a video with 30 seconds of crap in front of it.

  32. chulo_allen says:

    Hey, as long as you stay way from white men in sweats you will be A-OK

  33. hdavis says:

    Yeah, we have a home security system and it does not cost no $99. Like mentioned below it usually is a one time $99 installation fee and then the monthly monitoring fee is anywhere from around $30/month to $45/month depending on what monitoring company you go with. Home security systems can get very expensive but you can save some money if you do it yourself.