Check Out The New Commercial For Citibank!

Here’s what you can expect from a nationalized Citibank, courtesy of Funny or Die. NSFW warning: this thing is full of f-bombs, and even an r-mine. (Full video after the jump.)

(Thanks to Chris!)


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  1. seldon452 says:

    You know, even if you are against nationalization of citibank, you have to realize that half the stuff in the video is ridiculous/citibank was already like that before.

  2. ExtraCelestial says:

    Well I have to click it now if only to find out what “r-mine” means.

  3. Mobius says:

    r-mine means “retard” I think.

  4. Greasy Thumb Guzik says:

    It’s OT, but how much is semi-nationalized Bank of America paying Keifer Sutherland to do their voice overs?

    • dohtem says:

      @Greasy Thumb Guzik: Not enough. Don’t you dare say anything about Jack Bauer!!!

      • Greasy Thumb Guzik says:

        He makes more than enough from the Evil, Rupert of Murdoch!
        He doesn’t need the taxpayer’s money!
        BofA can go hire a cheap VO actor & get the same result with one more family getting an income.
        Keifer doesn’t need it & I hate Jack Bauer.
        Anyone that spawned such an idiot daughter needs to be killed off!

  5. CaptainSemantics says:

    This would have been so much funnier if they hadn’t gone the low-brow route of dropping an f-bomb in every sentence. I guess that’s what I get for clicking on a Funny or Die movie.

  6. Bladefist says:

    It’s not hard to believe. Think of the DMV w/o the curse words.

    Can anyone think of a government office that directly works with customers that provides a higher level of service then most privately owned companies?

    Most companies need your money. The government really couldn’t care less.

  7. thisisasignin says:

    Hey that girl has… a grasshopper on her shirt.

  8. iluvhatemail says:

    that was horrible

  9. Darklighter says:

    This whole panic about “nationalization” and letting banks fail is stupid, because when banks fail, the FDIC nationalizes them.

  10. Borax-Johnson says:

    and very large at that

  11. mac-phisto says:

    @bladefist: i can. MTA. specifically, metro-north. i know some people won’t agree with me, but i’ve always had great service from them (excluding the occasional ‘lifer’ at the subway booths that could give a shit whether or not you know that the 6 train is on the 4 platform b/c of not-so-routine maintenance).

    also, it really depends on what you consider “better service”. i don’t consider trying to sell me a checking account every time i walk in the door “better service”. i already have 3 – i don’t need another one. having 4 teller windows but only 1 window open at 4pm on a friday, despite the 46 people in the lobby? not better service. disconnecting my call between transfers multiple times when i call the customer service line about improper billing to my credit card? also not better service.

    yet all these things have happened to me at private banks like citi (& i’m looking at you bank of america. & you wachovia).

    • Bladefist says:

      @mac-phisto: Yea but stay on task. The question was to find a government place of business that gave better service then _MOST_ private companies. Sure, we can name a 1000 bad private companies, but that doesn’t mean the government would be better.

      Annoying sales related things are going to happen. And as consumerist has shown, in some cases there can be great rewards in those advertisements. Be happy that they have sales and rewards. The government would never have discounts or rewards for loyal customers.

      You named an example. Great. But I think my point remains. Dontcha?

  12. WBrink says:

    I don’t think Consumerist or Consumer’s Union is as fringe as its posters and readers. If you don’t believe in the free market in the most base function to provide a superior good in accountability and competition- and you believe that accountability to a government will- you’re nuts.

    • floraposte says:

      @WBrink: There is no truly free market for the financial sector. The current economic situation is a result of the nearest we’re going to get.

      Even Alan Greenspan is over the “Free Market Uber Alles” philosophy.

      • MostlyHarmless says:

        @floraposte: True.
        And not to mention the fact that the companies have found a way to become frenemies and create Conglomerates whose sole purpose is to rip people off and to not be accountable.

  13. Johnny Cache says:

    @ Mac-Phisto…
    I’d hate for you to leave out those masters of the suck and the fine people who will charge you with an overdraft…even when you signed up for overdraft protection…The useless Idiots at BB&T! I left and put my money in SUNTRUST.Not a single problem in 2 years.

  14. fuzzycuffs says:

    You know, this is precisely what the talking heads at Fox News want you to think we’re on our way towards. ;P

    Yet when I go to the post office, I’m absolutely amazed that I can drop off a note in Arizona and have it be at my friend’s place in FL in 2 days all for 43 cents.

    • shmianco says:

      @fuzzycuffs: you’re overpaying!

    • Penny Dreadful says:

      @fuzzycuffs: Yet when I go to the post office, I’m absolutely amazed that I can drop off a note in Arizona and have it be at my friend’s place in FL in 2 days all for 43 cents.

      So am I. In my town, a medium-sized suburb of New Haven, it takes five days for a letter to travel from one end of town to the other.

      Oh, and don’t even think of paying your P.O. box’s rent in cash; they’ll just pocket it without giving you credit for paying, and then change the locks on your box because you “didn’t pay.” I’ve also been convinced for years (and I’m not the only one) that they’ve just plain been stealing stuff of ours out of the mail, but I’ve never been able to prove it.

      I’m convinced that the people who run our post office were Wal*Mart rejects. They’re not just totally incompetent, they’re mean about it.

  15. ColoradoShark says:

    Actually, I find my local DMV to be helpful and friendly. Sometimes there are a lot of people on line but you can just avoid those days.

    • Penny Dreadful says:


      I don’t know about other states, but here in CT, the DMV has special offices scattered around the state that do nothing but licences and registrations. I had to go get a new licence the summer before last, so I went to one of these, thinking that it’d be easier on me than going to the main local office (State St, anybody?). It was a little room in a mall with a giant desk/counter, a little waiting area, a photo-taking space, and a back room. (What surprised me was how small the whole thing was.) I got there at a good time, I guess, because only three people were in front of me. Start to finish – from updating my info to getting the new licence in my hand – took about 25 minutes, and the two employees I dealt with couldn’t have been more pleasant. The only drawbacks are that they’re open only two days a week, on Wed. & Fri., so you have to plan accordingly, and I have to drive a lot further to get there than to the other office. But it’s worth it; it’s way better than the other one – that one’s the usual nightmare.

  16. RogueWarrior says:

    Hmmm…that drug test concept is interesting. Oh wait, I guess they mean they want to be sure you’re ON drugs before getting a loan.

  17. Charlotte Rae's Web says:

    Very weak. I enjoy Funny or Die normally but the cursing here was too off putting.

  18. Johnny Cache says:


  19. AgentTuttle says:

    Thanks for pointing it out, I didn’t notice it lurking there in the shadows.

  20. GTB says:

    Weak propaganda.

  21. Satanicat says:

    I’m not watching the video, but what the hell is an r-mine? I can’t for the life of me figure that one out. Retard?

  22. Brian Westermann says:

    That video was effin great!

  23. rouftop says:

    Yes, gone are the halcyon days of “want a mortgate? no collateral? no job? sure, why not!”

    Also, nobody’s suggesting the US own banks for any length of time. If we do “nationalize” it’ll be to wipe out the board, sell off anything we can, and write off the rest. Which beats just giving them our money month after month.

    In short: L A M E .

  24. dazzlezak says:

    Hey get it right!

    I know someone who works there they don’t have dial up, they have 2 orange juice cans and string.

  25. RvLeshrac says:

    I’m on with the DMV/Tax Office thing. Getting my license only took me around 10 minutes, not counting the time spent on the driving test, and getting my tag renewed every year only takes me about an hour – including going to have the emissions testing.

    If you decide, for some reason, that the best time to go to do any of this stuff is Saturday, well… you’re an idiot, and you should know that there’s going to be a LONG line. I’m not sure what people want them to do about that – most states allow you to mail in your tag renewal, so you don’t even *have* to go to the office.

    The government spends *way* too much money on things, but the vast majority of services provided by local/state/federal offices are as speedy as possible. I’ve honestly never figured out where people get the idea that the government is worse than businesses are where that’s concerned.

    I mean, Wal-Mart had a huge ad campaign during the holidays just to tell people that they were going to *gasp* have more than one cashier working on Black Friday and Christmas. It took them at least five years to figure out that it might be a good idea to have more than one person working on the busiest shopping days of the year, and the *government* is slow and inefficient?

  26. jeffbone says:

    I always had excellent and efficient service when I went to the DMV offices in Tampa and Tallahassee. DMV offices in the People’s Republic of California and here in the Commonwealth of Virginia, on the other hand…those places are poster children for inefficiency, regardless of the day of the month.

    Tried to make this note a reply to one of the others on the subject, but the reply function is still borked. Maybe it’s just an IE thing.