So Long, Jerks!

[This post is in reference to the Consumerist layoffs announced two weeks ago.] Carey already said all the classy stuff last Sunday, so I’ll be brief. I had fun, this was an eye-opening experience (I actually learned how to better manage my finances), and blogging every day for a responsive audience is a little like smoking crack, except it makes you fat instead of bone-skinny, and it’s not quite as sexy. The best part of this job was watching a story produce results. In aggregate, we’re not really “the little guy,” and I’m thankful I was able to participate in a website that makes this possible.

I wish I could hug each and every one of you, and in some cases hug you around the neck with my hands, but since I can’t I just want to shout out to some particular commenters. Starred or not, you’ll always have a little star icon from me.

To Eyebrows McGee: On average, you probably had the most consistently useful and well-thought-out comments I read. I was always flattered when I saw a comment from you on one of my posts, and disappointed when I didn’t. I think you’re awesome and even though I like dudes I have a little bit of a blog-crush on you for your good deeds. Your husband is very lucky.

To Git Em SteveDave loves this guy–>: One of the funniest things I read all year was your idea to breed fainting-goat children in order to protect regular kids from playground predators. I wish I’d thought of that.

To Ein2015: Thanks for helping with the VPN post, and even moreso thanks for taking the time on your own to follow up on reader questions in the comments to that post. You didn’t have to do that and it was pretty awesome.

To SkokieGuy: I think I misrepresented myself. I only wish I knew how to dress a moose, although I’m probably too much of an animal lover to go through with it and would just set the moose free, half dressed. I don’t think I understand what “dressing a moose” means.

To HomerJay: A couple of times, you managed to bring out the really cranky, argumentative side in me. It was like you were channeling me, which is surreal. But it was kind of fun nonetheless.

To Buran: Where did you go? You made me aware of the fact that transcripts are highly appreciated for video clip posts.

To Crabby Cakes, snoop-blog, Bladefist, Antediluvian, humphrmi, pylon83, Rectilinear Propagation, Michael Belisle, Trai_Dep, DrGirlfriend, and everyone else who I’m forgetting who left a great comment, contacted me personally with a tip, made a useful correction, or in rare cases handed out a compliment. It was sincerely a pleasure to connect with you. Yay for a sense of community!

* * *

I’ll be leaving my Twitter account, ConsumerChris, active in order to continue micro-blogging interesting material that I think is Consumerist-worthy, so feel free to keep me on your buddy list. If I end up in a consumer advocacy position elsewhere, I’ll certainly announce it via Twitter.

Now I am going to go toast my year-long career as a Consumerist editor over a nice dinner with friends, enjoy my weekend, and start looking for new outlets for my indignation. I do not think it will be that hard.

You may leave your compliments and job tips below.


Edit Your Comment

  1. hi says:

    you forgot me

  2. LoLoAGoGo says:

    Thanks for the great run, Chris! You’ll be missed greatly!

  3. zigziggityzoo says:

    Good luck on the job hunt. I hear Education, Government, and Healthcare jobs are the most secure…

  4. BloggyMcBlogBlog says:

    Good-bye Chris. Hope you land on your feet.

  5. ? graffiksguru says:

    Damn it Consumerist! Why!
    Chris, I always loved your posts, you will be missed. Take care, and good luck in all your future endeavors.

  6. Crabby Cakes says:

    I hear the Tesla plant in MI is hiring!

    Oh, wait…

    The site won’t be the same without you, Chris. You’re dry sarcastic humor kept me coming back for more! You will be missed.

  7. Ben Popken says:

    Thanks for everything Chris. Hopefully we can be like all the cool companies and hire back everyone we just fired on a freelance basis.

  8. dakotad555 says:

    Chris thanks so much for your excellent work. You’ll be missed around here.

  9. rainbowsandkittens says:

    This whole downsizing thing really bites, and it’s terrible to see talent like Chris go.

    Hey, Gawker chief dude: this impacts the quality of great sites like Consumerist and lowers the # of page views I’ll be making on a daily basis. I know advertisers are going to cut back on media buys, but a decline in readership isn’t going to help you sink any juicy new contracts either. I’m not a media mogul–but what is the strategy to attract advertisers to sites like Consumerist, anyway? Seems to me too many of them would be afraid to buy space here, given the general topics.

    That’s why this site, which shows up in Digg and Reddit all the time, is really your workhorse. Consumerist is the gateway blog to other Gawker sites where you make your marketing dollars. I found Consumerist on Digg and quickly became addicted to Jezebel and Gawker, too–but if not for Consumerist, I might have never found you guys. Less writers = less insightful posts = less Digg traffic = less overall traffic = less marketing revenue, in my very humble opinion.

    • Rhayader says:

      @rainbowsandkittens: I agree about the reduced traffic. Cutting quality staff members won’t help in the long run.

    • Ayo says:


      You’re right, Consumerist was my first Gawker experience… Now my firefox tabs are all Gawkerized.

      • SadSam says:


        Agree, I’m a regular Consumerist reader, its the only one saved in my faves and then I jump over to Jezzie, Gawker, LifeHacker, etc.

        We’ll miss you Chris.

      • gStein_*|bringing starpipe back|* says:

        @Ayo: same here… i came for the consumerist, and stayed for the lifehacker and gizmodo

    • Trai_Dep says:

      @rainbowsandkittens: Yup. Used to go to Gawker, Defamer, Giz, Lifehacker, io9, Valleywag, Consumerist and Kotaku.
      Now (in light of Chris & Carey getting the boot, Mr Denton) I come here, i09 and scan Kotaku for Blizz or Valve stories. And participate mainly here and i09.

      So yeah, 1/2 my Gawker browsing, owing to the fact that I realized that, while Mr Denton is preternaturally quick to cut staff and change how they pay their staff downward to anticipate downward trends, he isn’t nearly as quick to anticipate paying more in anticipation of growth. (not that I’d expect him to, but let’s call it like it is: a bald-faced crutch to squeeze money out of his staffer’s pockets into his own). I’m probably not alone.

      I owe Consumerist for strengthening in me the recognition that one should consume with a higher purpose in mind: when you buy a product, you’re supporting the whole operation. Spend judiciously.

      And I owe Chris for a line that I use shamelessly on an at-least-weekly basis: if you don’t have a problem with this, you’re a s-l-a-v-e! Except not when visiting Mom, because she’s old-school about corporal punishment, withering sarcasm and the single upraised eyebrow.

      Loved your posts, Chris, your were filled with vim, vigor and vinegar. And were often very funny. And always informative. You’ll be missed!

    • veronykah says:

      @rainbowsandkittens: Have to agree as well, I started reading consumerist and am now completely addicted to Jezebel. My bookmark is still for comsumerist, making it my gateway to Gawkerland…
      Saying Consumerist is losing staff because of ad revenue is kind of ridiculous. It would seem to me a site like this SHOULD be ad free, how could you be trusted to be looking out for the CONSUMER if you are supported by Sears or WalMart???

    • trujunglist says:


      Agreed. Consumerist hits the Digg front page a lot so I’m not sure why they’re downsizing Consumerist. Personally I think some of the others are pretty crappy. I’m not really a Gawker fan at all, I just go to the blogs that I like. For example, I think io9 completely blows ass even though I’ve been a major geek with comics and things of that nature for a very long time. Why they think that one is going anywhere is beyond me, but hey, I’m not running their business.

    • Valhawk says:

      @rainbowsandkittens: We should use what the Consumerist has taught us and consider launching some EECB’s, that would be both highly ironic, and hopefully effective.

    • BrianDaBrain says:

      @rainbowsandkittens: Agreed with all the comments in this discussion. I found the Gawker network because a friend referred me to Consumerist. He discovered it through Digg. Without Consumerist, I would NEVER have discovered Lifehacker of Gizmodo or Jalopnik.

      No, nobody buys advertising on this site, because, well, just look at the subject. But since this site is obviously the gateway to the Gawker network for so many people here, it seems to me that cutting the dynamic content that can be offered by more editors is short-sighted and rather stupid. Once new traffic to the other Gawker sites starts decreasing due to the fact that less people are coming to Consumerist from places like Digg, because there are less articles to make it to Digg, maybe the higher-ups at Gawker will realize the error of their ways.

  10. dohtem says:

    Happy trails Chris.
    Take care.

  11. courtarro says:

    Now you’ll be able to do even bigger and better things with the knowledge that you’ve kept it real for the little guys (those of us who don’t own multinational corporations but still have to deal with them). Thanks man.

  12. Rhayader says:

    First of all, AWESOME pic and title. Go Bender.

    More importantly, great job at Consumerist, we are sad to see you go. Best of luck in the future, I’m sure you’ll land on your feet.

  13. Git Em SteveDave loves this guy--> says:

    Chris, anything I could have said will ever equal 1% of what you did for this site. You were part of the reason I joined Consumerist as a meek reader, and blossomed into the commenter I am now. I’m not sure your beliefs, but “May God stand between you and harm in all the empty places you must walk.”

  14. chucklebuck says:

    Best of luck, Chris.

  15. Sndtrkman says:

    Congrats Chris and godspeed on all your future endeavors.

  16. Traveshamockery says:

    Big Gulps, huh? Welp, see ya later!

  17. GavinEstecado says:

    Take care friend!

  18. Bladefist says:

    Chris – Always loved your tech-consumer stories. Enjoyed your few political posts (dont forget to add the (D) on the end of peoples names). Good luck to you!

  19. 3drage says:

    I’ll miss your posts, good luck out there and I hope this is just a springboard for better work. You’ve done the community a great service.

  20. novacthall says:

    Chris, you’ll be missed. Damn these cutbacks, damn them to hell!

    If it’s any consolation, the recession’s been hard on superheroes, too. Darn the luck! Darn, darn, DARN!

  21. Eyebrows McGee (now with double the baby!) says:

    Chris, you have comprehensively made my day. :) (And as my day consists of coughing up a lung with bronchitis, I totally needed it!)

    We will definitely miss you down here in comment-land!

  22. elisa says:

    We’ll miss you!

  23. Traveshamockery says:

    Is anyone seeing a “minimized” view of first posts in new threads? I’m not talking about responses, but about single posts.

  24. Invective says:

    If Consumerist isn’t able to help with keeping my daughter alive, I’m not really interested in their politics. Some pretty silly stories, in between the good ones. Some not so silly, but downright wrong. Some really made a difference.
    That said, I think it’s pretty dumb for the layoffs. There is about a gazillion ways to troll for cash on the Internet. (Legally and ethically, or ethically and legally…) You can improve the website in ways that can provide real results in the cash column…
    That said again, JUST like the companies a lot of us have issues with, Consumerist in reality has cut their customer service staff. Writers like Chris provide the customer service, we use it and in some cases like my daughter, (Who’s story was never mentioned..) people depend on the website for results. That’s an awesome responsibility really. So I doubt seriously, as good as Ben may, or may not be, this website and the challenges laid before it can be dealt with. So once again, there goes the customer service department. So really the headlines should read on Consumerist: “Consumerist Cuts Customer Service Representatives, Job Impossible…”
    Or some such.
    I’m guessing the thinking is somewhere around what CNN and other websites have done, like CNN’s iReport section. Saves on actually having reporters do the work and let’s face it, they receive free news tips and video, much like this website. (Hence the responsibility.)
    I really hate accountants. I think we should gather them all up and put them on an island with a calculator that doesn’t work right and complaint box with no holes in it. Also a shortage of all the things they might actually need. Say clothes, food, heating & cooling, medicine and medical supplies. Of course no customer service for anyone and the thing they would need most, therapy… ;)
    We could put them on an island right next to marketing personnel island and the career politicians island. Then to save money the U.S. Navy…

  25. Pylon83 says:

    I was actually shocked to see myself get a personal shout-out in your good-bye post. Admittedly, I have a tendency to point out all the flaws in the “victims” story, and occasionally advocate for the person who is not the victim (a/k/a “blame the victim). I am glad to see that the editors indeed can respect the views of the other side of the story, and can even enjoy/accept comments critical of the victim. Good luck in your future endeavors Chris, you’ll be missed.

  26. Parting says:

    Good luck!

  27. Burgandy says:

    Chris, you will be missed! I always liked your stories.

  28. catastrophegirl chooses not to fly says:

    may you be able to use your experience at consumerist as a positive on your resumes rather than have HR folks saying “hrm, troublemaker….”

    you will be missed

  29. kate not the plumber is ready for november says:

    Good luck Chris!

  30. Michael Belisle says:

    Man, I’m going to miss your super photoshop jobs. Reading your stories was always worth it just for the accompanying photo.

  31. homerjay says:

    Wow. Well, to once again infuriate you I’ll say this- you totally sucked. Your articles were crap, your writing was pedestrian, and your wit was humorless. All in all I’d say you had this coming.

    Naw, just kiddin’. Really, good luck. This kind of thing really sucks but you’ve probably already got something lined up. I hope they at least gave you a rockin’ severance!

    Now since you’re outta there, can you finally tell us the truth about posting quotas? :)

  32. InThrees says:

    Here is to lucrative and fulfilling – I hope you find both in short order.

  33. Trai_Dep says:

    To Git Em SteveDave loves this guy–>: One of the funniest things I read all year was your idea to breed fainting-goat children in order to protect regular kids from playground predators. I wish I’d thought of that.

    Actually that was my joke. SteveDave just spelled out what I alluded to in an earlier comment…
    Yeesh! :D

  34. mariospants says:

    shitty indeed. Thankfully they’re not laying off us readers and commenters, too.

    I am guilty (as are probably the majority of readers) of not keeping an eye on the by-line so I suggest to the Gawker Media network, that since you’re having to cinch the waist so much and that might put off your writers, try increasing the visibility of the name of the contributors (scrambles to find a blog that does that semi-decently… and couldn’t so here’s one that at least places the blogger name under the title: []).

    Gonna miss you… (scans up page for name) Chris. And having now checked out your repetoire, I realize I AM going to miss you!

  35. SableHemlock says:

    Good luck with everything! You’ll be missed!

  36. SybilDisobedience says:

    You will be missed. You’re very talented, it’s clear you love what you do, and you always made it entertaining. Go knock ’em dead, and good luck in all your endeavors.

  37. Ein2015 says:

    *darth vader voice*

    You did an awesome job. Start your own blog or something!

    See ya on Twitter.

    • Coles_Law says:

      @Ein2015: Wow, that long NOOO of yours is not displaying right in my browser…

      Chris, sorry to see you go. Best of luck in all your future endeavors.

      • Ein2015 says:

        @Coles_Law: Heh wasn’t in mine either.

        I think it got moderated… as I now see a shortened version with an ellipses instead. I’m fine with that. ^_^

  38. DrGirlfriend says:

    Bite my shiny metal ass! Wait, I mean, good luck, Chris! You will be missed.

  39. ninabi says:

    Always enjoyed what you posted. You surely will be missed.

  40. mcnerd85 says:

    I am in love with you. Okay, not really. But I’d date you once, sucker you into checking out the cool new lamp the next day and actually consider calling the next day. I may have to stop reading the consumerist.


  41. downwithmonstercable says:

    Chris, I’ve enjoyed your writings for a long time. Awesome way to go out, love the bender reference. Good luck in your future journalistic adventures.

  42. hhole says:


    You were my favorite writer here and I hate to see you go. But, bigger and better things will be on the way.

  43. humphrmi says:

    Sigh. When Carey left last week and you were still posting, I thought / hoped that maybe I misread, and you were sticking around. One week of hopes, dashed.

    Good luck, You’ll be sorely missed.

  44. gibbersome says:

    Gonna miss you Chris. You were one of the best things about this website… *sniff*

  45. thoseturtles says:

    chris, thanks for all you’ve done for the consumerist. It was you who posted that first post that got me sucked into the whirling vortex that is the blogosphere. I wish you the best of luck. -turtle

  46. Jesse in Japan says:

    It really does suck that things have to be like this. Things aren’t going to be the same around here with you, man. Let us know when you’ve either gotten work with another site or made a new site of your own and I’ll add it to my list of sites that I read daily.

  47. ninjatoddler says:

    Best of luck in all your future endeavors! We’ll miss ya.

  48. kyle4 says:

    It’s very disappointing that you’re not going to be posting here anymore, Chris’ posts were and always have been great. The whole team dynamic worked so well.

    I wanted to say this before but didn’t, but I really think letting go of people and hiring others is complete BS. It just disappoints me big time that two great Consumerist writers are leaving when there are other sites that could’ve used cuts for their quality. It just doesn’t seem fair, and if it’s one thing I’ve learned here, businesses usually aren’t fair.

  49. razremytuxbuddy says:

    Best wishes Chris. Thanks for all of your posts here. I thought Consumerist of all businesses would know that layoffs signify a failure of management.

  50. Susie Bright says:

    You’re such a remarkable writer. I for one would like to know where your pen starts leaking next. Please spam me.

    susie who never commented but read like a fiend.

  51. SinisterMatt says:

    So Long and Thanks for All the Fish! Good luck on your next endeavor, whatever it may be.


  52. Antediluvian says:

    Bye Chris.

    I got to the point where if I really liked a story I’d look at the byline and it would be one of yours. Nothing at all against the other Consumerist editors, but I liked your stories most of all.

    Hey, do you still have the power to grant stars before you go? :-)

  53. nsv says:

    Good luck Chris.

  54. humphrmi says:

    I once knew a guy. You look like him. He wasn’t, neither. Brrrrg. I’m a good captain.

  55. TheHeartless says:

    Good luck Chris, I wish you all the best in your future endeavors. The Consumerist won’t be the same without you.

  56. PhilanderCachondo says:

    I wish you the best, and would like to join the chorus of people who discovered Gawker through Consumerist, and visit the other Gawker sites only after getting our daily Consumerist fix. Consumerist has empowered us, and I for one feel less helpless and alone thanks to your posts.

  57. Consumerist-Moderator-Roz says:

    Chris, working with you for this short time was always a pleasure. You’re a talented and sincere individual and I am sure that you will enjoy great success.

  58. dlynch says:

    it’s a shame Chris and Carey are gone…. if they weren’t, maybe there would have been a new post in the last (nearly) 24 hours….

  59. djanes1 says:

    Yeah, if there aren’t going to be anymore weekend Consumerist posts, maybe they could at least repost the Consumerist Comments Code every hour.

  60. Alex Chasick says:

    XOXO. I’ll miss your sexy and disgusting stories.

  61. IrvCrapper says:

    It is very quiet around here today – Saturday.

  62. D-Bo says:

    Thanks for the hard work Chris we’ve all benefited from it.

  63. Serenefengshui says:

    I am so missing the weekend updates. This is sad!

    • dlynch says:

      @Serenefengshui: it’s very sad. getting to the point where this will no longer be a site i keep always open in a tab………..

      guess i will have to just start checking 2 or 3 times a week instead of 10-20 times a day :(

    • closed_account says:

      @Serenefengshui: Exactly my thoughts…. no need to keep it up anymore. I wonder how long it will be before they see what an ignorant decision this was. I will stop reading the rest of the Gawker blogs (mostly lifehacker) in protest as well. All good things must come to an end I guess.

      • humphrmi says:

        @chadbailey: This has been a prevailing sentiment in comments since Consumerist first broke this news to us, yet Gawker has yet to respond.

        I think it’s sad that a site that holds companies to such a high standard can’t meet those standards themselves.

  64. tamoko says:

    Good luck Chris…. just think of all the free time you’ll have to play Gears of War 2?

  65. closed_account says:

    So with these two gone there are… NO weekend updates… at all? for real? I will probably stop reading just because of the random inconsistencies that I will experience with no updates for 48 hours…

  66. MissPeacock says:

    Good-bye, Chris. I’ve always enjoyed reading your posts on a lazy weekend. The site truly won’t be the same without your wit. I wish you the best of luck in each and every thing you do.

  67. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot says:

    I hate this – I could always count on there being new posts on Consumerist during the weekends, and always looked forward to them. I think Gawker media is shooting itself in the foot.

  68. mcjake says:

    Yeah, totally feeling the pain of you guys leaving this weekend.

  69. downwithmonstercable says:

    So… since these cutbacks have happened… are there any highly skilled wannabe-journalists who could even come close to filling chris/carey’s shoes that wanna do it for free?

  70. Pants_11 says:

    Thanks for being a part of one of my favourite blogs. :)

  71. banmojo says:

    here’s hoping you land a career making so much money that obama mama will tax you. cheers.

  72. mmcnary says:

    Don’t make any long term plans. I suspect that this blog is going to only get more important as more and more businesses approach the extremes of great customer service or non-existent customer service.

  73. SkokieGuy says:

    It’s a sad day for us Consumerist readers. We’ll miss your posts and insight.

    I hope you move on to bigger and better things.

  74. PageMagumbalee says:

    You will be missed.

  75. ageshin says:

    Chris I wish you all the best, and your leaving has diminished the ‘consumerist’.

  76. MerleJibran says:

    Today was the first day I visited Consumerist in about 4 to 6 months. Previously, this site was beloved to me and I checked it out several times a day. I STOPPED coming here as a direct result of the shenanigans Chris Walters and Carey were given free reign to commit (the disemvoweling of non troll, dissenting opinions, cutting and pasting of articles with no actual “writing,” etc).
    Reading that they have been cut from Consumerist, tells me that I have not been alone in these feelings., and there is still hope for the site I once loved.
    Looking forward to a return of REAL consumerism.