Customer: "I Have A Brain Tumor" Apple Rep: "Not My Problem. Okay. So You Want…"

You don’t have to believe everything customers say to you when you’re a customer service rep. You don’t even have to actually care. But if you can’t stop yourself from slipping in phrases like “not my problem” when you’re helping out a customer, maybe you need to try a different career. Like, say, parole officer.

This customer wanted to remove his active mobileme address and turn one of his existing email only addresses into his main account. Here’s how the chat went:

Brian: Hi Sheena!

Sheila H: Hello, Brian.

Sheila H: I understand you want to switch your main account and email only account, correct?

Brian: I have a little problem. I need to switch the main mobileme account to an email only account and switch one of my email only accounts to the main account. Is that possible?

Sheila H: Unfortunately, email only accounts are no longer available, so if you cancel your existing email only account, you will not be able to reactivate it.

Brian: I’m talking about current email only accounts. And I’ve been able to reactivate email only accounts since the Mac Plus was around.

Brian: Such as switching making yyyyy@me.com into the main account instead of xxxxxxxxxxx@me.com

Sheila H: I understand. However you wish to cancel one account and make it an email only account, that is not possible.

Brian: It’s the main account I wish to cancel. I want to keep the email only accounts.

Brian: Frankly, I’m being harassed and stalked and I just found out I the brain tumor I thought went away didn’t. So my day isn’t really peachy.

Sheila H: Not my problem. Okay. So let me clarify, you wish to cancel your main account (which will cancel your email only accounts), and reactivate your email only account as an Individual account, correct?

Brian: Yeah, um, thanks for the compassion, I just want to get rid of the email address on the main account. If I could convert one of my other email only accounts to a full account, that’d be great. Would that be free under the circumstances or would I just have to buy a whole new subscription to get it done and get started on my email to the Consumerist?

Sheila H: You will need to purchase a new membership because it’s a new account. However, you will receive a prorated refund for your current membership which will be applied to the card it was activated with.

Brian: That would be over six months at this point.

Sheila H: You will be credited for any unused portion of your prepaid membership. Would you like me to cancel?

Brian: Not right now, thanks. I’ll just visit an Apple Store fifty miles away. But thanks for the information and compassion. I hope Steve Jobs reads this.

You stay classy, Sheila!

(Photo: Getty)