Now Can You Guess What's In The Box?

If you’re a close Consumerist reader, you should now know what’s in this box. Leave your wild guesses in the comments.


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  1. ConsumptionJunkie says:

    The Golden Shit award

  2. nequam says:

    It’s the golden turd award for the worst company in America?

  3. bigroblee says:

    Gilded poo

  4. ideagirl says:

    I agree–the golden turd

  5. MercuryPDX says:
  6. Burgandy says:

    @nequam: I hope so!!

  7. sprocket79 says:

    I watched Dr. Horrible yesterday! I highly recommend it, it’s SO funny. “Whaaaaaaaaaaat-ever… Balls.”

  8. No_Pants says:

    Must be a gilded cat poo this time!

    …but, still wondering where Gawker hid Will Leitch if he’s not in the box.

  9. speedwell (propagandist and secular snarkist) says:

    Definitely the Golden Crap Award. Or something fake from Tiffany. :D

  10. sprocket79 says:

    uh why did my comment on the Dr. Horrible thing end up here instead of there? And before anyone accuses me of user error, I didn’t even click on this story until after I had read and commented on the other one.

  11. ironchef says:

    first you cut a hole in the box…

  12. My New Mouse says the cat?

  13. My new mouse says the Cat!

  14. North Antara says:

    Needs a bigger box. MUCH bigger box.

  15. avsfan123 says:

    You just got a box from Amazon with a iTunes gift card in it.

  16. Walrii says:

    @sprocket79: Sounds like you’ve got a case of the “timetravelenza” which is interacting with your “ihavenomemorywhatsoeveroids.” With treatment, it can be cured.

  17. hollywood2590 says:

    Gwyneth Paltrow’s head.

  18. opedog says:

  19. 3drage says:

    @hollywood2590: Perfect answer.

  20. ivanthemute says:

    I still say Martha Stewart’s vagina. It’s functional and goes with any decor (Lewis Black FTW!)

  21. storm says:

    Justin Timberlake’s dick?

  22. RoboSheep says:

    It’s way too small a box to be anything for shipping, everyone knows boxes must be at least two square feet for every sheet of paper inside.

  23. A mini Bag O’ Crap from Woot?

  24. stevejust says:

    @RoboSheep: LOL. Agreed.

  25. Skunky says:

    I still say it’s all the SSN’s from Gawker commentors.

  26. snoop-blog says:

    Well it was advertised to be a golden poo, but when they opened it there was nothing but some rocks.

  27. FrankTheTank says:

    “If you’re a close Consumerist reader, you should now know what’s in this box.”

    Well, if it’s like half the other posts on this site it’s either a “Grocery Shrink Ray” or a gift card packed in an overly large box.

  28. Leohat says:

    It’s a cat and a box, so it must be a fox or maybe lox for the train in the rain.

    Green eggs and Ham. Sam I Am

    //got nothin’

  29. MissPeacock says:

    @sprocket79: There was a post on Jezebel either yesterday or today saying that some people’s posts were being sent to the wrong story, and even attributed to other people. Guess it’s part of that?

  30. zsouthboy says:

    We know what it is.

    What I want to know is if you guys can get a very very tiny version of it made that you’ll ship to companies upon proof of grocery-shrink-ray of their products.

  31. MissPeacock says:

    Ben, is that your regal little kitty? What is his/her name?

  32. Do I see a skidmark on the pillow where the golden shat laid? DUDE.

  33. lotusflwr says:

    OOooooooOOoOoOoOoOoooooooooo, it’s the PoooooooooOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooOOOOOoooooooooo!!!!! (11!!11!!)

  34. jst07 says:

    At least the company that makes the Golden Shit Award is efficent at packing, otherwise we could have a whole nother story on it.

  35. Shannon says:

    I bet it’s a box in a box.

  36. ConsumptionJunkie says:

    @verucalise: No, it’s a golden thread: []

  37. sahhhm says:

    a box full of packaging peanuts!

  38. DrGirlfriend says:

    i never thought i’d say this, but that is one pretty poo.

  39. HeartBurnKid, creepy morbid freak says:

    OK, so now that you’ve got the shit in hand (sorry…), can we finally see the climactic clash of the titans between Countrywide and Comcast?

  40. azntg says:

    A psychological test! Aaah! I want out! ;-)

  41. pschroeter says:

    A kilo of grade-A Columbian catnip.

  42. Is it a Kimono for the upcoming launch of Consumerist Japan? Shall we call you Ben-san?

  43. homerjay says:

    Red things, Mikey, Red things!

  44. nsv says:

    Since it’s completely wrapped up in red, I’m guessing it’s American Airlines.

  45. MyPetFly says:

    >> I still say Martha Stewart’s vagina.

    Well, it IS great for picking up dust.

  46. nsv says:

    A red fringed scarf from Ten Thousand Villages. Obviously. The box is a dead giveaway. I didn’t know they sold cats, though.

    Nice wood floors, by the way. Recently finished?

  47. howie_in_az says:

    Will the grocery shrink ray ever effect the golden poo award? INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW

  48. If it rhymes with “Jimmy Hoffa”, i don’t wanna know.

    (by-the-way; the 35th Anniversary of Jimmys ‘disappearance’ is coming up on July 30th – lets all celebrate by eating a can of pork-N-beans!)

    O Jimmy, we hardly knew ye…

  49. it’s clearly too small of a box to be something of golden poo size, it must be a grain of rice and a lot of bubble wrap!

  50. ElizabethD says:

    Something microscopic packaged in lots of styrofoam peanuts, crumpled paper, and plastic bubble “bladders”.

  51. ElizabethD says:

    Oops, pfblueprint beat me to it!

  52. Paladin_11 says:

    Doesn’t that depend on the name of the cat? Let’s say it’s Schrodinger. That means that there’s probably a cat inside the box, and it’s both alive and dead. At the same time, people. AT THE SAME TIME.

  53. Rachacha says:

    The Grocery Expansion “Laser” (in my best Dr. Evil voice)

  54. boxjockey68 says:

    It’s got to be the golden shit award, but I hope the grocery shrink ray didn’t get to it, that box looks a bit small for such an award..

  55. boxjockey68 says:

    @nsv: Great guess!

  56. parrotuya says:

    It must be an iPod from Amazon!

  57. redfork says:

    i still say it’s eddie murphy’s career waiting to be disposed of in the most humane fashion.

  58. cinlouwho says:

    I guess it is the golden poop award. But I am more interested in the kitty. The kitty looks a lot like my first cat, Joey! I miss him.

  59. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot says:

    Of COURSE its the poo!! Take a big whiff!

  60. akalish says:

    A single atom. And a leaflet that says “Thank you for shopping with us!”

  61. boxjockey68 says:

    Oops! I meant to say poo, not shit, sorry!

  62. Suttin says:

    You guys are all missing it, its an over sized box for the golden poo. Come on….

  63. ogremustcrush says:

    Matter. It is 100% pure matter. If you exclude any dark matter that may be present that is.

    I can’t believe people are still guessing something other than the golden poo. I meam someone even linked to an old post showing that exact box containing a previous golden poo. For shame people, for shame.

  64. Kajj says:

    Nathan Fillion fans fear not – he does eventually show up, after the 12 minute mark.

    Also this is very funny and excellent.

  65. donkeyjote says:

    Hmm, the cat seems to have lost interest. Funny thing… So have I >_>

  66. luvlyssa says:

    it’s a lovely bunch of coconuts (deeldee dee)

    (also… that beautiful black kitty looks *exactly* like my baby that I lost a month ago… :()

  67. chrissz says:

    Peasant 1: Bread.
    Peasant 2: Apples.
    Peasant 3: Very small rocks.
    Peasant 1: Cider.
    Peasant 2: Gravy.
    Peasant 3: Cherries.
    Peasant 1: Mud.
    Peasant 2: Churches.
    Peasant 3: Lead! Lead!
    King Arthur: A cat’s excrement guilded with the finest gold colored paint.

  68. TCameron says:


  69. tasselhoff76 says:

    I think it’s just Act 1 until the 20th. My understanding is Act 2 just became available today and will be up longer.

  70. RogueSophist says:

    Seriously, this is so good.

  71. winstonthorne says:

    Golden sh*t.

  72. chucklebuck says:

    I’m still holding out hope that it’s presents for Jay, Carey, Meg & chucklebuck.

  73. muffingal says:

    It’s the Golden Poop!

  74. bunt says:

    thats a cute ass cat. or a cute, ass-cat. take your pick.

  75. hexychick says:

    Ooooh! Does this mean we have a winner to bestow this gift of golden poo upon?

  76. failurate says:

    A bunch of Cenobites?


  77. jsnorcal says:

    I can has golden caca?

  78. mizmoose says:


  79. biofreak says:

    NAPKINS!!! n00bs….

  80. Meathamper says:

    I still stand by my statement that it’s a nuclear warhead from Iran