13 Headlines The Consumerist Editors Wish They Could Write

Here at the Consumerist we get a lot of emails requesting more “happy stories.” While we wait for some to happen, here are 13 headlines we would love to write. They are in no particular order.

  • Sears Repairman Buys A Calendar, Looks At It
  • Record High Personal Savings Rate Imperils Credit Card Industry Profits
  • Person With Consumer Protection Background To Run CPSC
  • Best Buy Geek Squad Replaces Your Current Porn With New, Better Porn
  • Company Responds To Website’s Fact-Checking Inquiry With Speed And Accuracy
  • Do American Airlines’ New Complimentary Hot Fudge Sundaes Come With Too Many Sprinkles?
  • Wal-Mart Receipt Checker Shrugs Shoulders, Says, Yeah, We Know It’s Total Bullshit Anyway
  • CSRS Complain About Hold Times To Speak With Busy Customers
  • Newspaper Wire Service Quotes Consumer News Blog By Name
  • Finally Accepting Reality, Microsoft Debuts “Refurbished XBOX 360 Of The Month Club”
  • Sprint To Pay Canceling Customers $50 “Sorry We Disappointed You” Refund
  • “Help! I Signed Up For FiOS And Verizon Sent Me Too Many Free LCD TVs!”
  • Payday Lenders Close Due To Lack Of Interest

(Photo: El Grande Mono )