Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez wants to give you 100 gallons of free heating oil to help survive the cold cruel capitalist winter. The hogshead of liquid warmth is available to anyone enduring a financial hardship who fills out a handy online form.

Eligibility is determined with two questions: First, do you live in one of these 16 states?

Maine, Vermont, Massachusetts, Rhode Island, Connecticut, New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Virginia, Washington DC, Delaware, Maryland, Alaska, Wisconsin, Michigan, and Indiana.

Second, do you need the oil? Need is relative, but if you have a family and make less than $40,000, you probably qualify. Citizens Energy, which administers the program, evaluates each application on a case-by-case basis and issues eligible applicants a voucher redeemable for 100 gallons of CITGO heating oil.

It’s almost sweet of our communist friends to shove the inequalities and harsh realities of capitalism in our faces with a program that actually helps people pay for an increasingly unwieldy cost of living expense.

For more information, call Citizens Energy at: (877) 563-4645, or fill out their online application.

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