Restaurants Pretend To Not Know What's In Food

Here are the funny PR responses from when Men’s Health asked the PR people for several different restaurants for the nutritional information of their foods:

Outback: “Ninety percent of our meals are prepared by hand…Any analysis would be difficult to measure consistently.”
IHOP: “We do not maintain nutritional data on our menu items, so I am unable to assist you.”
Hooters: “Because of the millions of combinations available and our desire to frequently give you new menu options, it is impossible to provide accurate nutritional data,”
Fuddruckers: “Providing nutritional info would be “very extensive [sic] and timely.”
Papa John’s: “At this time, we have no additional regular menu items that are targeted toward eating lighter.”
Magginao’s Little Italy: “Sorry for the delay! I had to wait for corporate’s approval. Unfortunately, they have declined to participate.”

So they spend lots of money to focus group every aspect of their business, but don’t know their menu’s nutritional content? We’re not buying it.

16 secrets the restaurant industry doesn’t want you to know [Men’s Health]


Edit Your Comment

  1. num1skeptic says:

    it would be nice to know, but, its not like when i go out to a place like fuddruckers, i’m trying to eat healthy. if you want healthy, try cardboard. these restaurants want to actually sell good tasting food, and usually good tasting food is fattening.

    btw, some people don’t want to live to be 100 years old and while they are on this earth, want to spoil themselves with good tasting food.

  2. faust1200 says:

    Ha. I like Papa John’s answer. It’s basically a “if you have to ask, you can’t afford it. (in calories)”

  3. 92BuickLeSabre says:

    Magginao’s Little Italy’s response is excellent. I love relatively decent/cheery PR/CS people giving the bad news.

    “Oh golly, I really hate to tell you this, and you seem like a really perfectly good, sweet person, and maybe we could even be friends if we met under different circumstances, but they said, and I quote: ‘Screw you.'”

  4. lymed says:

    If McDonald’s does it, you would think they could do it.

  5. Add Texas Roadhouse to the list! How frustrating!

  6. DrGirlfriend says:

    At least they responded. Quizno’s outright ignores you. I googled the info and found out that many, many people have asked them for this info by using the email address provided on their site and they do not hear back from Quizno’s at all.

  7. num1skeptic says:

    mcdonalds does it because they don’t want to be sued by fattys. lol.

  8. DrGirlfriend says:

    @num1skeptic: It’s not about that. It’s about getting a fair idea of how many calories you are consuming.

    Also, whether or not IHOP is “good tasting food” is debatable.

  9. num1skeptic says:

    why are you eating at ihop if your concerned with calories? its already been proven that just because your eating a salad, doesn’t mean its less calories than a big mac.

  10. popeye_doyle says:

    Ben, “focus group” is not a verb.

  11. B says:

    What’s in Hooters’ food? Silicone.

  12. spryte says:

    @num1skeptic: “If you want healthy, try cardboard.” So you think that no healthy food tastes good? That’s such a childish outlook. Let me guess, you don’t eat any fruits or vegetables and the only way you want your meat cooked is fried? And the idea of wanting to “spoil [one’s] self with good tasting food” is fine, but that doesn’t mean one can only eat french fries, brownies, and fettucine alfredo. If you do it all the time, it’s not “spoiling”, after all….

  13. DrGirlfriend says:

    I am backing away from this conversation now.

  14. vanillabean says:

    @num1skeptic: these restaurants want to actually sell good tasting food

    Sure they want to. The thing is that most of it is frozen, pre-mixed, or pre-cooked. (Which makes it extra ridiculous that they can claim to not know the nutritional information.) To me, eating pre-processed chain crap is more like eating cardboard than fresh healthy food.

  15. ksevcik says:

    You think nutritional info is hard to get, try asking some chain restaurants about ingredients if you have a food allergy or intolerance. Some of their corporate lines *cough*Red Lobster’s*cough* wipe their hands of the whole affair and flat out tell you they can’t tell you anything at all about anything that may or may not be in their food. Since they buy some of it from food suppliers and don’t know what they put in it. So their defense is that they honestly have no idea what they’re buying except that it says “Sour Cream” on the side. Could be from a cow, could be from a moose… who knows?

    At least Outback goes to the (minimal) trouble of developing a gluten-free menu and actually having half a clue what they’re serving people.

  16. marsneedsrabbits says:

    So… is it safe to assume that, until we’re told otherwise, all of the above restaurants are profoundly ashamed of what they are serving?

  17. num1skeptic says:

    @vanillabean: outback only freezes the chicken fingers and ice cream. everything else is fresh.

  18. num1skeptic says:

    outback’s freezer is smaller than most people’s closet. my cousin is the manager of the one in my city.

  19. zarex42 says:

    I don’t see what the big deal is. You don’t have the right to nutritional information, nor (in most of these restaurants) is it expected to be consistent. If you really need to know how many calories your meal has, eat elsewhere. Pretty simple.

  20. saradanger says:

    They probably know that if they let consumers know how much fat and calories they are consuming their sales would drop.


    A salad can certainly have more calories than a big mac if it is covered in cheese, bacon and creamy dressings. This is why nutrional information is so important.

    Luckily, I disagree with you about food needing to be fattening and unhealthy to taste good. I wouldn’t eat this chain restaurant crap if you paid me.

  21. Juliekins says:

    @num1skeptic: Oh kiss my ass. Healthy food != cardboard. I’d go so far as to say that well prepared healthy food is in many cases better tasting than its less healthy counterparts. Good ingredients prepared with care don’t have to be covered up with salt, extra fat, etc. to taste good. Crap ingredients prepared by a goon with a microwave (like at Applebee’s, Fuddruckers, Chili’s, etc) have to be pumped up with salt and fat so that they taste “good.”

    You know, plenty of restaurants prepare food with astronomical amounts of calories, salt, fat grams, etc in them and publish that information. People still buy that food. It’s pure laziness (and a desire to trick people, imho) that these restaurants don’t publish the nutritional information for the food they spew out.

  22. bohemian says:

    Go buy a couple of the Todd Wilbur top secret recipe books if your dying for some of the chain food items. Then you actually KNOW what your eating and a relative idea of the calories your consuming. Bonus you don’t have to sit for 40 minutes like cattle to get a table.

  23. Crymson_77 says:

    @num1skeptic: that is just awesome…yet another reason to go there…

  24. num1skeptic says:

    beauty is in the eye of the beholder. good taste is in the holder of the tastebuds. maybe health food tastes good to you, and not me and were both right. ever think of that?

  25. ahursh says:

    Fuddruckers gave my favorite response.

    “Providing nutritional info would be “very extensive [sic] and timely.”

    They either deserve a second [sic], or a pat on the back for the best malapropism. Yes, Fuddruckers, providing nutritional information would be “timely.” As in: It’s about damn time you tell us what we’re eating.

  26. num1skeptic says:

    and my main arguement is that if your worried about calories, don’t go out to eat at these restaurants. not what food does or does not taste good.

  27. Crymson_77 says:

    @FitJulie: maybe they are trying to employ their own version of “Don’t ask. Don’t tell.”… I do know for a fact that when I cook at home and eat a very filling meal, I feel absolutely wonderful afterward because it was a healthy meal. It also usually includes one of a dozen different types of fruits…lovin’ them apples lately…

  28. realjen01 says:

    @num1skeptic: seriously, are you like 12 years old? in what universe does chain restaurant slop qualify as tasty food?

  29. MelL says:

    @zarex42: In my view, it shows the businesses have no idea what they’re serving customers and simply push out what the supplier sends them.

  30. erebusrat says:

    I have no idea if the food I cook at home is remotely healthy. I don’t care about the nutritional value of restaurant food. I prefer it this way. I want my food cooked to taste good, and don’t wanna know the gritty details (mmm, veal…) of what I eat. I eat what I like in moderation, and deal with whatever consequences there may be.

  31. B says:

    @erebusrat: The rest of us shouldn’t have to suffer because of your desire for ignorance.

  32. vanillabean says:

    @num1skeptic: They get all of those vegetables fresh? Good for them. So, Outback is the only chain restaurant selling fresh food? Any others?

  33. drkkgt says:

    Hey the Original Road House in California does it you bastards. Granted it’s a pdf and not as fancy as say Arbys where you can build a menu. but it’s still there.

    I think I will have steak tonight.

  34. Juliekins says:

    @zarex42: Yes, I definitely have no right to know the contents of the stuff I buy. That I paid money for. Especially not if it contains something dangerous like lead, GHB, or allergens. I applaud your logic.

    If the “Unwrapped” (it was that or a similar show) I saw about Chili’s is to be believed, that food is absolutely meant to be consistent throughout the chain. The “food scientists*” at Chili HQ go to great pains to make sure that the dining experience is consistent from restaurant to restaurant. If they can make the same mediocre burger or burrito taste the same here as it does at every other Chili’s, they for damn sure can get nutritional analysis done on their foods.

    * no really, they called them this. Not chefs, “scientists.” Mmmmmmm, this burger tastes science-y!

  35. Buran says:

    @popeye_doyle: Neither is “Photoshop” (it’s a proper name), yet it gets used as one. Languages change.

  36. mysticone says:

    I don’t think anyone is claiming that people have a “right” to know what’s in the food they’re purchasing. But, if businesses can’t take the time to actually let you know what their ingredients are, it’s pretty indicative of their level of concern for their customers. This also tells me they don’t care if the food has been handled appropriately, was prepared safely, etc.

    It’s ludicrous for them to claim that they have no idea what’s in the food they prepare for you. But, until they’ve proved otherwise, people who are concerned about such things should not patronize these businesses.

    To those who claim that healthy food doesn’t taste good, you can add enough fat, salt and sugar to just about anything to make it taste “good”. Salt is often used to cover up poor quality ingredients, and fat is no exception. It’s amazing how ignorant people can be about the things they’re putting in their bodies.

  37. csdiego says:

    @zarex42: Whether I have a right to know what’s in my food depends whether we’re talking about the law or what is right. With all the science that goes into developing food for chain restaurants, there’s no way they don’t know down the nutritional content of each dish down to the molecule.

    And that’s exactly why I don’t eat in restaurants.

  38. MikeB says:

    @DrGirlfriend: Quiznos has this info posted now, and I see why they dragged their feet on this, the damn sauces are high in fat/calories.

  39. new and troubling questions says:

    Nutritional info is good to have, but I’d be SO much more interested in just getting information on ingredients used, in detail. I’d much rather eat something that’s higher-cal but made with decent ingredients than something that’s light, but made with crap (which most of this food tends to be).

  40. MataHari says:

    I think that probably most chain restaurants know exactly how much of each ingredient goes into their meals. They have weights and measurements pre-calculated for the most part, to reduce waste and maximize profits and keep things consistent with other locations.

    In high school, I quickly realized this while working for Godfather’s Pizza. Toppings are measured and weighed (“over a pound of cheese” = 16.5 oz, EXACTLY), dough is weighed, everything is spelled out precisely. A large pepperoni pizza has 40 slices of pepperoni, medium is 30, small is 20, etc. We had to count! (Interestingly though, a large with double pepperoni only has 60 slices and triple pepperoni is 80 slices. Go figure.)

  41. DrGirlfriend says:

    @mbouchard: Wow, I thought that would never happen! Thanks for the heads-up.

    I always figured that their sauces were high in fat and calories, but at least if I have one of their sandwiches, I’ll know exactly what I’m doing to myself. :)

  42. youbastid says:

    @DrGirlfriend: Not sure where it was originally reported (maybe here?) but Quizno’s does have nutrition info on their website now. I was beyond flabbergasted to find out that a large tuna melt has 175 (that’s one hundred seventy five) grams of fat.

  43. youbastid says:

    Ah nevermind, mbouchard beat me to the punch.

  44. katewrath says:

    The PR quotes are great, but the rest of this article is a waste of time. With a headline like “16 Things They Don’t Want You to Know,” the reader should actually KNOW those things by the time he’s done reading the article.

    Typical quote:

    “Outback Steakhouse doesn’t want you to know that the only nutritional information it provides is for its Tangy Tomato Dressing.”

    Really? That’s the hot button info that this article has to offer? How about the nutritional info for that dressing? No? Hw about a run down of the menu? No? How about complete nutritional info on one dish? No?

    Okay, then just give me two random sensationalist tidbits and move on to Fuddruckers.

    Done: “An order of Outback’s Aussie Cheese Fries has 2,900 calories, and its Ayers Rock Strip has 60 grams of fat.”

  45. 44 in a Row says:

    The Papa John’s one is weird. They’ve had nutrition information on their website for a while; I definitely remember looking at it at least over the summer, if not before that. It looks like the quote is just saying they’re not planning on introducing “healthier” menu items which, I mean, I think it’d be great if they did, but I don’t think they should have to. And at least they’re being honest about it.

  46. TechnoDestructo says:

    I guess they just don’t take nutrition seriously.

  47. SaraAB87 says:

    175 grams of fat!!! Yikes! I was shocked enough to find out that a tuna fish sub at subway had 31 grams of fat, I thought that was bad. Fortunately they have other things on the menu to choose from, I don’t think I will be eating another tuna sub again!

  48. bradym80 says:

    The United States government maintains a nutritional database of items served at Chain restaurants in the United States. Many websites such as [] and [] utilize this database and present it in a user friendly format.

    I am not certain why the government has this data or if it is a requirement. All I know is that it is collected and is available.

  49. ladyinthestreet says:

    I can’t believe it has 175 grams of fat. You might as well go to McDonalds, The Cheesecake Factory, or bathe in fettuchini alfredo. Or how bout some of those Aussie Fries. At least there’s more of a possibility you’ll share them then a sandwich.
    This sandwich shops make you think you’re taking a healthful route (well, relatively so since you’re eating in a food court) and all you end up doing is eating worse! Bah!

  50. youbastid says:

    @ladyinthestreet: I didn’t believe it either when I read it in the report (thought it was a typo), so I went to the website to confirm – there it was! I don’t think there’s a single item at any fast food restaurant with that kind of fat content. You could probably suck down a couple double whoppers and still be under the line.

  51. ceejeemcbeegee is not here says:

    Outback: “Ninety percent of our meals are prepared by hand…Any analysis would be difficult to measure consistently.”

    Good answer! These places know that if they claim a number someone will double-check and sue the because it’s off by like, 2 calories. I don’t blame them for trying to cover their asses.

    McDs can claim with accuracy, because everything is pre-packaged and pre-made and pre-bad for you.

  52. DrGirlfriend says:

    I think they toss the tuna (eww) in full fat mayo, vegetable oil, and lard.

  53. DallasDMD says:

    The free market works guys! ::rolls eyes::

  54. Buran says:

    @realjen01: In a universe where, thankfully, dipshits who think that anything that doesn’t come from a goddamn micron-sized hole in the wall tastes like, well, you said it, slop. Fortunately, there are those of us who aren’t total snobs who have the good sense to realize that the size of the establishment has nothing to do with the tastiness of the food, which is a subjective thing.

    And yeah, I’m annoyed. I’m sick of the stuck-up behavior that I see coming from people who think that they’re elite connoisseurs or something and feel the need to sneer down their noses at people over something.

    Would it make your head explode to know that some people in this thread have, in all likelihood, shopped at Wal-Mart within the past year?

  55. Buran says:

    @realjen01: add, after “slop”, “… aren’t in positions of authority to push their judgmental asshole opinions on others beyond stupid forum comments”.

  56. Juliekins says:

    @Buran: We used to have an Uno’s here. It went out of business over two years ago and my husband and I still miss it.

    Shhhh, it’s a secret. ;)

    There are tasty foods to be had at some of these chain restaurants. I don’t discriminate. I know there are good local joints around, but sometimes I like Pizza Hut, you know?

    Except for IHOP. IHOP is gross.

  57. Tim says: you don’t know what’s in your own food? well I’m gonna have to report you to the FDA.

  58. LoLoAGoGo says:

    @fitjulie: I used to eat a Uno’s, then I worked there. The reason they are able to give you calorie counts there is because EVERYTHING is pre-packaged and frozen. That and if you ever saw the disgusting shape of their kitchen, you would never eat there again. I quit after a very short stint. I even got sick once because Terminex came at bombed the place the evening before, and we couldn’t get rid of the smell/taste of it for a week. And we still had pest issues after that.

  59. zarex42 says:


    No one is talking about the foods containing direct poisons (yeah, yeah, you can try to argue that poor nutrition is poison. It’s not. Give me a break, that’s a total strawman.

    If you insist on having all ingredients and nutritional information published, simply eat at those places that do. It’s really not a big deal. If enough people decide to eat elsewhere, they will change their ways. There’s no need to legislate it. The government isn’t our nanny.

  60. zarex42 says:

    @ceejeemcbeegee: McDonald’s is actually quite healthy if you choose your meals appropriately. Start by staying away from non-diet soda, and the fries. The rest isn’t nearly as bad as people make it out to be.

  61. yg17 says:

    I’d say that if you’re eating at some place like Hooters or Papa Johns, you aren’t too concerned with nutritional info.

    And ditto on the argument about chain restaurants. I eat at places that have good food. Whether it’s the only location in the world, or one location out of thousands is irrelevant to me. Have I found that typically, the small family owned places have better food and service? Yes, but there are also several chains that have just as good food.

  62. Catperson says:

    To all the people who say that if you’re eating at places like this, you’re not concerned with nutritional info: this is totally false. I’ve been doing Weight Watchers for the past year and I’ve lost 35 pounds so far, but it’s difficult on occasions where family dinners are happening at restaurants like these that don’t post nutritional info. It would be nice to know if there is actually something I can eat there instead of eating beforehand and just ordering a salad. You can’t even assume that if you know the stats for a similar homemade dish, the restaurant’s stats will be the same. See the above ludicrous example with Quizno’s tuna melt sub. It defies logic how they even manage to pack that much fat into one sandwich. The only reason these places are dragging their feet is because they know their stats are awful.

  63. Buran says:

    @FitJulie: Yeah, I’m not crazy about IHOP either. And I agree on the “small places can be great but sometimes you feel like the chain stuff” thing.

  64. MercuryPDX says:

    @katewrath: Consider the source…. Men’s Health is not Time or Newsweek it’s the male equivalent of Vogue or Glamour. Replace scant female models with buff shirtless men, cosmetics ads with tech ads, and add more fluff than a pound of dryer lint.

    Oh… don’t forget the alluring numbered article titles:

    20 Reasons to Lose 20 Pounds
    14 Ways to Seduce Her Parents
    10 Tricks to Beat Back Pain
    7 Ring-Buying Tips for Every Guy
    5 Seconds to a New Body
    5 Steps to a Merry XXX-Mas
    5 Ways to Stay Sane This Season

    I think the request from a more respectable source source, the responses would be given more thought.

  65. MercuryPDX says:

    Edit: I think if the request came from a more respectable source, the responses would be given more thought.

    (Where’d the preview go?)

  66. clinky says:

    In New York City, there’s a law (I’m not sure if it’s passed yet) that says if you have nutritional information available, you have to put it right on the menu. Which creates a huge disincentive for chains to have any information available for the asking. Because if you have no information, then you don’t have to put it on the menu. I think the lawmakers didn’t quite think this one through. This is probably why chains won’t give out info.

  67. brockmjd says:

    Here’s an interesting tidbit. Brinker International ( owns Maggiano’s Little Italy.

    They also own Chili’s, On the Border, and Macaroni Grill. And there’s plenty of detailed nutritional information for those. But none for Maggiano’s.


  68. Rusted says:

    @Buran: Yep, me too, I went to Walmart. It was a prescription though.

    The article was more fluff then substance. All they did was ask for ingredients, no following up on calls or actually getting the food analyzed. It was more like one of those rigged surveys then actual information.

    I could care less about calories since I have a high metabolism. Corn and dairy is a big hassle for me, so that’s my lookout. Fast food is more likely to have that so, that gets avoided.

  69. I still have no idea why this is even important, and here’s why. If you eat out every day you will be a big fat fuck. These restaurants should not be required to say how many calories are in their food. We know it’s a lot going in. The difference between too many calories and too many calories doesn’t really matter when you’re already getting too many calories.

  70. csdiego says:

    Hmm, I thought it was consumers who were whiners for not wanting to show their receipts at the door or pay for calls they didn’t make. But all these food producers and restaurants mewling about how they CAAAAAAN’T tell people how many calories are in their food, it’s too HAAAAAARD!…? Big, fat, whiny diaper-babies. Why the hell are we humoring them?

  71. Rusted says:

    @RamV10: What’s important is WHAT is in the food. I need know about corn and corn byproducts. Someone else is going to need to know about nuts as that can be lethal to them.

  72. Trauma_Hound says:

    There’s actually a book that comes out every year that will not only tell you caloric count but carb count of major food places, along with all different kinds of meats veggies etc.

  73. timsgm1418 says:

    I’ve actually shopped in Walmart this week!

  74. timsgm1418 says:

    @zarex42: amen! nobody is forcing anyone to eat at those places, eat somewhere else. I know I’ll get bad comments for this but, I feel the same way about government banning smoking in all food establishments and bars. Nobody is forced to go to any of them. If the owner of the business loses money because he allows smoking, he’ll stop it himself, he’s there to make money…government should stay out of private business

  75. Buran says:

    @csdiego: So, we’re whiners about not wanting something to do something we’re not obligated to do? That is entirely different from trying to weasel out of contractual obligations that state that you are responsible for all charges that are incurred BEFORE you report your phone stolen.

  76. Phantom_Photon says:

    Restaurants have to do something called “food costing” on all their menu items.

    This is something you learn in culinary school, and basically works out to knowing how much of each ingredient you use per portion of food so you know how much each portion of food is costing you relative to what you are charging for that portion.

    NO restaurant on the planet does not have up to date and accurate food costing stats on all their dishes.

    This means that all restaurants can quickly and easily compile ingredient lists and quantities for all their dishes, which means they can quickly and easily work out the nutritional content of their dishes.

  77. That70sHeidi says:

    Red Lobster is a whore about this. I wanted to know what the coconut shrimp contained and what the nutritional value of the clam chowder was (the only two things I’d eat there). They claim they rotate their menu so often they don’t have this data, but the clam chowder has been on there for YEARS. It’s BS.

  78. doireallyneedausername says:


    “…We are taking it seriously…”

  79. csdiego says:

    @Buran: You (if by we you mean you’re one of these restaurant owners or their lobbyists or whatever) might not be obligated now, but keep up the whining and footdragging and somebody might change your obligations.

  80. modena says:


    That is a silly, short-sighted, and unrealistic statement.

    It’s no longer 1952. Social and economic conditions are such that many people practically must eat out every day, or nearly as often. People have far less free time than in generations past (thanks largely to longer hours at work and longer commutes). Single-income families are a thing of the past — with both parents working full-time-plus, who has time to cook all of the day’s meals? Further, many people are single and have no “domestic support”. Others have to travel frequently. Under these conditions, Americans are relying on restaurants for their daily sustinence, not just indulgence (as it was in generations past).

    I often hear: “Why are you going to Chipotle if you’re concerned with calories?” But, that’s absurd! Do these people apply the same standard to other areas of their lives? For example, do they believe you shouldn’t shop if you have a budget? Or that you shouldn’t embark on a trip if you have to ask how long it takes to get there?

    Of course not. Logical people ask “how much does it cost?” and “how long will it take?” before they do something. Only in dining out do people feel that they must accept an unknown amount of (caloric) cost when they order a meal.

  81. Nemesis_Enforcer says:

    Ahh not Maggiano’s! It’s the only Italian chain I actually like. My wife and I can go and share an entree and still have enough left for 2 full lunches the next day. The family style meal is great when you know your limits. She usually orders a appitizer and I get the entree to share. Plus we can usually make it out under $40 with tip. Unless she orders a cocktail, I don’t drink.

  82. RvLeshrac says:

    Keep in mind that it takes years of painstaking research to produce accurate counts for hand-prepared food.

    That frozen chicken sandwich from the gas station is easy – every piece of chicken is weighed out to a precise measurement by robots, as is every bun and every square of cheese. Notice that they rarely include vegetables and condiments which, in addition to being hard to freeze (and reheat!), are difficult to measure precisely (who wants to eat a laser-cut tomato?).

    McDonald’s, Burger King, Arby’s, Schlotzsky’s, yadda yadda yadda… they all have taken into consideration vast amounts of data on how people prepare the food. They have taken measurements on how people over- and under-measure every single item on a sandwich. They have statisticians designing precise formulae used to produce a model of the ‘average’ food item.

    Hash brown? Easy, always the same weight.

    Fries? A *little* more tricky. What does one extra shake of salt do to the sodium content on average? What if the server ‘packs’ the fries into the container? What if they don’t pack? What if you ask them to pack? What’s the average length of a fry? How high do they stick out of the container, on average? How much more fat is absorbed by a fry of average length and thickness if they’re left in the fryer for an extra 10 seconds? 13? 18? 26? If they aren’t shaken before they’re dumped? If they’re UNDERcooked? If the basket drips oil onto them in the warmer?

    Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese? What happens if the preparer adds an extra half-slice of cheese by mistake? Extra catsup? Extra sauce? One more tomato? Leaves off half a slice? Will someone sue because they got less cheese and the calorie count was lower? What’s the ratio of consumers who will sue over a lower calorie count vs. consumers who will sue over a higher calorie count? How about sesame seeds? If a bun has 20 more sesame seeds on it, what will that do to the count? What happens if the burger flipper leaves the burgers on a few seconds too long? A few seconds too short? Over-seasons the patties? Under-seasons the patties? What effect does the heat lamp have on the burgers? Are burgers made with beef from cows in a colder climate going to be a little more fatty than cows in a warmer climate, and if so, how much fattier? Is it offset by having less meat in the burger? If there’s an extra quarter-ounce of fat in the burger, how much less meat is there?

    Done! Here’s your average nutritional information! Your burger may have an extra 100 calories, or it may have 200 calories fewer, since we picked a slightly higher average caloric content as it was determined that you’re X% as likely to sue over a higher content as a lower one. Good luck, and have a nice day!

  83. RvLeshrac says:

    And would you like a hot apple pie with that?

  84. RvLeshrac says:


    I don’t think people understand that “Family style” means ‘FAMILY STYLE.’

    A 2lb plate of spaghetti isn’t meant for one person, it is meant for a FAMILY of four, hence FAMILY STYLE.

    Also, if fat little Johnny doesn’t need an extra ten scoops of sauce, just push some sauce off to the side.

    They give you a lot of food. There’s no law requiring that you eat it all and lick the plate clean.