Talking Jesus Action Figure Sells Out At Walmart

If you were planning on getting a Talking Jesus Action Figure this Christmas (or whatever) you’re almost out of luck. Walmart has completely sold out of the toy and has “very limited supply,” according to the manufacturer’s spokesperson, Joshua Livingston.

“We feel blessed that the toys are now in the hands of thousands of children, teaching them the word of God. We knew that the toys would make great Christmas gifts, but to see them sell so well before the Christmas buying season begins proves that parents want alternatives in the toy aisle,” says Livingston.

It may also prove that goth kids still buy gag gifts, but we don’t want to hurt Mr. Livingston’s feelings or anything.

Talking Jesus nearly vanishes [Dallas Morning News]


Edit Your Comment

  1. BloggyMcBlogBlog says:

    He’s still no Buddy Christ.

  2. theWolf says:

    That talking Jesus action looks like he should come with a Trans-Am and a rolled-up twenty dollar bill.

  3. theWolf says:

    Um, action “figure.”

  4. DrGirlfriend says:

    I wasn’t planning on getting one. But now with this shortage, I feel like I should. Anyone out there scalping these for profit? I might be interested.

  5. Zodiack says:

    They make Jesus action figures? When did this happen?!

  6. SaveMeJeebus says:

    @theWolf: Don’t forget a pack of Camels rolled up in his sleeve, and coming soon–trailer park activity set complete with singing bass!

  7. Electroqueen says:

    @BloggyMcBlogBlog: Agreed. Dogma’s been out for about a decade, and yet the Buddy Christ statue still hasn’t caught on? We need action figures here people, statues and bobbleheads aren’t enough.

  8. lostalaska says:

    Jesus action figure ha!

    Hey kids you ready for an action figure that doesn’t play by the rules! Well get ready for talking Jesus action figure! That’s right when push comes to shove Jesus will be there to talk the sinners down. Act now and get 3 vouchers for damning a scientist to hell for eternity!

  9. Skiffer says:


    Before Garrett buys the rest!!!!!!

  10. Just let me know when Buddy Christ is for sale at my local Wal-Mart. I’ll jump right on that.

  11. protest says:

    @Papa Midnight:
    screw walmart, buy it from the man who made it:
    bonus: it comes “ready for action.”

  12. kris in seattle says:

    I’ve seen those things… Creepy as HELL!

  13. karlrove says:

    What about the Second Commandment?

  14. forgottenpassword says:

    I wonder how many of those kids actually wanted this for christmas?

    If any, then it is probably those slightly odd kids everyone grew up with. (like the flanders kids)

  15. emjsea says:

    God damn it.

  16. Freedomboy says:

    Can it be programed to spout Huckabee crap?

  17. SpdRacer says:

    Don’t forget to buy the Pedophile Priest w/ prepubescent alter boy.
    Yeah I know I am going to hell, but since I am catholic i think i will just repent right before i die and all is good.

  18. fdx3k1 says:

    Doesn’t this look like Barry Gibb? I think if you switched out the clothes for a white suit, you could tap into a whole other market.

  19. joeblevins says:

    I already got one. My parents sent me a cellphone pic a few months ago. Made them pick it up. I now bring it to Poker games when I need to be obnoxious.

  20. Geekybiker says:

    Oh man, and there is a gift exchange at work soon….

  21. Elviswasntmyhero says:

    “For God so loved the Bee Gees (not to mention foreign outsourcing), that He granted the exclusive contract to create a false idol in Barry Gibb’s image to a Shanghai businessman (and Clinton campaign contributor), so that unstable Jesus freaks in Des Moines (who own guns at 9 years of age and worship Sid from Toy Story) could have hours of fun testing out their Eugenics “experiments.”

  22. forgottenpassword says:


    dont give it to anyone from the middle-east … otherwise C.A.R.E will have you charged with a hate-crime.

  23. SacraBos says:

    I just can’t help but think that a Talking Muhammed Action Figure would probably start World War III.

  24. Skiffer says:

    @karlrove: Huh….I was gonna say false idols are in the 1st commandment, not the 2nd…but apparently different faiths group false idols differently into 1st/2nd…

    You learn something new everyday…

  25. Shadowman615 says:

    @SacraBos: Because you made that joke, you just landed yourself and The Conusmerist on the top 100 most wanted list in 7 middle-eastern countries. I hope you will take better care in your flip remarks in the future.

  26. Lin-Z [linguist on duty] says:

    @SacraBos: yes, but in the best way possible.

  27. Paul D says:

    @Elviswasntmyhero: Looks more like Chuck Norris to me…

  28. hexychick says:

    Search for it online – there’s also a talking Mary, David, Noah, and Moses. Oh my!

  29. forgottenpassword says:


    correction…. “C.A.I.R” []

  30. AshleyStIves says:

    Kinda makes you want to go to Walmart and scream, “Who do I have to blow around here to get a talking Jesus action figure??!!”

  31. Leohat says:

    I am Jack’s complete lack of surprise

  32. AuntieBubbles says:

    That Jesus is MANtastic!

  33. forgottenpassword says:

    You know…. I just cannot WAIT until there are reports of this doll saying obscene things! Because you just know it WILL happen! A talking jesus doll would be the ultimate target for these type of pranks!

  34. mk says:
  35. SacraBos says:

    So it’s okay to poke fun at Jesus and Catholic Priests, but… But really, I wasn’t trying to be funny per se, I really think there’s a lot of people that would go totally postal if you marketing it. I just like the irony of things like that.

  36. spinachdip says:

    @SacraBos: I think you’re confusing “different” and “ironic”. It’s like raaaaaaaain….

  37. floydianslip6 says:

    @spinachdip: Actually it’s more like that good advice…

  38. fuzzycuffs says:

    Looks to me more like a Kenny Loggins action figure.

    You sure he wont sing Highway to the Danger Zone when you make him talk?

  39. SacraBos says:

    God is an iron.

  40. parad0x360 says:

    The midwest makes me sad…

    Anyways, maybe if they made more then 12 of these things they wouldnt have sold out so quick?

  41. LatherRinseRepeat says:

    Does this Jesus action figure come with kung fu grip?

  42. LucyInTheSky says:


    i like the quote from whatshisface about this piece of plastic teaching kids the word of god. What a load of crap.

    i can imagine this thing sitting in a living room somewhere, the walls covered in paneling, a couch with filthy pillows reading “god bless america” and a singing bass.

  43. EtherealStrife says:

    @SacraBos: []
    He’s no Messenger, but his name is probably Muhammed. All the little Jesus Campers can use their Jesus action figures to beat down the terrorists!

  44. clocker says:

    Won’t the kiddies be pissed when the doll disappears on Easter?

  45. mammalpants says:

    after i get tired of playing with my Christ, i will have him hold my Grand Theft Auto boxes!

  46. EthnicRedneck says:

    The fact that Wal-Mart sells this just adds to the humor – cause, umm, pretty sure the son of God wouldn’t be loving their business practices and how they treat their employees. What do you want to bet the Golgotha action set will be the next hot seller?

  47. spinachdip says:

    @EthnicRedneck: Bbbbbbbut! Sam Walton was a Christian businessman! And really, that’s all that matters. It is not your deeds, but the labels you assign yourself.

  48. synergy says:

    @karlrove: “What about the second commandment?” I second that. It was my first thought as well.

  49. synergy says:

    @clocker: rotflmao you’re going to hell for that comment. I’ll be welcoming you for having laughed so hard. heh

  50. savdavid says:

    He sure looks more Anglo-Saxon than Middle-Eastern and what a fabulous haircut and figure!

  51. theblackdog says:

    @clocker: You owe me a new diet coke and a monitor for that comment.

  52. theblackdog says:

    I really bet that a lot of adults bought it just for the notoriety, and their kids will never be able to touch it.

  53. Does Jesus really need kung-fu grip?

  54. Trai_Dep says:

    @busydoingnothing: Of course. After all, he’s fighting those dirty, commie heathens in Iraq, Iran, Turkey, Lebanon and everywhere else that the NeoCons send him to say, “America – f*ck yeah!”

  55. Trai_Dep says:

    …Umm, despite the fact that our lil’ baby Jesus was – bless his subversive lil’ heart – a rag-head too.

  56. soundfx says:

    China appreciates your business. You are much easier to manipulate into buying the remade scraps from AK47 gun stocks than we thought. This is even easier than the “Support Our Troops” stickers that we made. We laughed about that one for months.



  57. cde says:

    Hmm. I see an Operation GI Joe/Barbie switch relapse in the making. Switch the Jesus Voice Chip with like the Undertaker or Hulk or Randy the Macho Man Savage…. Or Barbie…

  58. SacraBos says:

    @ETHEREALSTRIFE Given that Muhammed is a common name, could be true!

    I do wonder what this talking Jesus says. The first thing it ought to say is “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” But the real money is in the accessories. The Last Supper Table would also be popular (other action figures sold separately).

  59. Trai_Dep says:

    I want the stigmata-gushing Action Crossâ„¢, myself.

  60. LAGirl says:

    @theWolf: hahahahaha!!!

    “That’s what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older and they stay the same age.”

  61. Elle Rayne says:

    What does he say, I wonder? Whatever it is, I’m sure the real Jesus is laughing his head off at this.

  62. whippsa says:

    ” BY KARLROVE AT 12/10/07 03:51 PM

    What about the Second Commandment? “

    Dear Karl,

    This isn’t a ‘graven’ image but rather ‘injection molded.’ I hope that helps to allay your concerns.

  63. Shizlak says:

    “If you were planning on getting a Talking Jesus Action Figure this Christmas (or whatever)”

    When you said “Christmas (or whatever)” were you referring to the other holidays that happen around the same time as Christmas? Do you think someone would be getting a Jesus doll for Hanukkah?

  64. Benstein says:

    I think the demand for these are not because people are exceptionally religious, it is because of the striking resemblance to Chuck Norris.

  65. Upsilon says:

    Because America apparently accepts and embraces “white Jesus”
    Which is why I don’t go to church any more…
    I’ll believe a dude walked on water, but I won’t believe that Jesus was some pasty white dude living in Jerusalem.

    (And before I’m banned for seeming racist, [I’m] Caucasian, guilty.)