Helio Call Centers Still Staffed By Nincompoops

Not only does virtual cellphone carrier Helio work by piggybacking off Sprint’s network, it seems to have leased their call centers’ famous dedication to customer service as well.

Brian writes, “”The short of it is that I tried out a Helio Drift, canceled my account and sent the phone back within 30 days (as per their policy), and have been waiting for a refund for the last six months, calling Helio roughly every 2-3 weeks and getting a slightly different story every time,” — and no refund. It’s now been 170 days.

Hey Sky Dayton, if you don’t want your company to go the way of Amp’d, maybe think about purging the body thetans from your call centers. *

Fuck Helio [Local Insanity]
Helio Call Centers Staffed By Retards

* Sky Dayton is a Scientologist. One of their beliefs is that, “75 million years ago, [Xenu] brought billions of people to Earth in spacecraft resembling Douglas DC-8 airliners, stacked them around volcanoes and blew them up with hydrogen bombs. Their souls then clustered together and stuck to the bodies of the living. Scientologists believe the alien souls continue to do this today, causing a variety of physical ill-effects in modern-day humans. [Scientologist founder L. Ron] Hubbard called these clustered spirits “Body Thetans”…”


Edit Your Comment

  1. zolielo says:

    Religion aside. Helio needs some work before I change over. More phones, more corporate outlets, better customer service (it seems), and better marketing.

  2. tedyc03 says:

    Three words for Brian:

    Small Claims Court.

    If their policy was followed and they refuse to honor the refund policy then they’ve broken their contract and he should sue them.

  3. FLConsumer says:

    Good advice (Small Claims Court). While it’s bewildering to the newcomer, the Clerk of Courts will be very helpful. Very good chance that Helios won’t show and Brian will win by default.

  4. crankymediaguy says:

    It’s not Sky Dalton’s fault that Body Thetans got stuck to Brian’s phone and caused his voice to be all garble-y when he calls Helio so that their CSR’s can’t understand his request to have his contract canceled.

    Damn Xenu!

  5. mattbrown says:

    The wikipedia page on Thetan seems to produce a different definition of Thetan, being not negative. Perhaps “Body Thetan” would have been more appropriate. What’s wrong with you people?! Don’t you have editors?! Jesus Christ!

    The use of “Jesus Christ” in this context would be…

  6. Nickelking says:

    wow, two examples of religious discrimination in two days… (the first being against hinduism since call centers are located in India) and you want me to suggest you get news status on google?

    I enjoy consumerist.com, but am slowly becoming less so as you discriminate against various religions.

    On the topic I’m not surprised by helio’s “service” the lack of that is what I’ve come to expect from cell companies. as a matter of fact if I were starting one up I’d think that would be a perk… have slightly less than horrible customer service and you’re above the norm!

    But please Consumerist, stop trashing people who don’t have the same religion as you.

  7. Ben Popken says:

    @Nickelking: Scientology is not a religion, it’s a scam.

  8. ncboxer says:

    @Nickelking: Where is he putting down Hinduism? I read through it several times and can’t find any reference to it or to India call centers. He said poor customer service- be it in the US or anywhere else. Its just that- poor customer service. It has nothing to do with religion.

    As for Scientologists, I don’t think a religious classification is appropriate for them. They seem to be more of a money making scheme that tries to wrap religion around them to protect them. Maybe you should have dinged consumerist for putting down a cult…

  9. dbeahn says:

    Scientology is no more or less of a scam or religion than “Man Made Global Warming”. Oh, wait. That would mean it is a scam and a religion.

    I have it! Xenu got the refund!

  10. Mr. Gunn says:

    Nice, Ben. Earthlink, the ISP Dayton founded, just rolled out municipal WiFi here for $7/month, but I think I’m gonna keep paying my $55 for my 7MBit cable that they keep upgrading, not blocking ports or protocols on, and that I’ve never, ever had to call about service on.

    “I’m going to invent a religion that’s going to make me a fortune. I’m tired of writing for a penny a word.” – L. Ron Hubbard.

  11. Marko_Vulvic says:

    Careful, the refund practices of Helio are copyrighted and secret, any attempt to discuss them will result in a lawsuit…

    I think raising the point the the CEO is a Scientologist is valid, as he probably has no issue with stealing peoples money, as his cult does.

  12. Haplo9000 says:

    I keep waiting to see Scientology cult members flood this site and threaten to sue the beejesus out of everyone here. You know it’s coming.

  13. superbeetle says:

    @Ben Popken: Scientology may be a scam, but I don’t see the need for an ad hominem attack on Sky Dayton just to make a fairly uninspired joke.

  14. Snakeophelia says:

    “I enjoy consumerist.com, but am slowly becoming less so as you discriminate against various religions.”

    Criticizing a religion is not the same thing as “discriminating against” a religion. It’s absurd to suggest that a blogger with his/her own private site can’t practice free speech as they see fit. Quite frankly, I find $cientology, and $cientologists, so repellent that I would be hesitant to give money to any company associated with this cult, so kudos to Consumerist for mentioning it.

  15. CokeHobbit says:

    @Ben Popken:

    You’re totally right. It’s a scam and, as such, a fair and appropriate target of scorn for Consumerist or any other shopping, consumer, or finance-oriented website.

  16. scoobydoo says:

    @superbeetle: Uninspired? It made me chuckle.

  17. Msgundam84 says:

    I’m all for freedom of speech and the freedom to express yourself, but you have to be careful about how far you go. I don’t like scientology either, but that doesn’t mean I start bashing it.

    And scientology aside, what about the comment made regarding laptops in India being powered by the holy nipples of cows? What’s the reason for that comment? How does religion have anything to do with Dell customer service? That comment is offensive.

    I bet Comcast/Sprint CEO’s and customer reps are catholic or christian. Next time anyone has a problem with their service should I expect the Consumerist to make fun of Jesus or Catholic priests?

    I like the consumerist, and it definitely does more good than harm….but I urge the editors (‘especially Ben) to be at least someone careful about religious/ethnic remarks in the future. I don’t want the consumerist losing credibility for the sake of a joke or witty comment.

  18. Trai_Dep says:

    @Nickelking: “I enjoy Consumerist.com, but am slowly becoming less so as you discriminate against various religions.”

    @ncboxer: “Where is he putting down Hinduism? I … can’t find any reference to it or to India call centers.”

    Whoa, someone’s discriminatory mind making connections where there are none. Sort of like that Joe Biden guy.

    Nickel – why do you hate the Hindus so much? Would your mom be proud? Are you happy now that the little baby unicorns are crying? Geez!

  19. superbeetle says:

    @CokeHobbit: The Consumerist attacking Scientology is fine by me, but Ben wasn’t really attacking Scientology – Ben was attacking Sky Dayton for being a Scientologist. The guy’s a grown man who’s chosen his own belief system, and that belief system has nothing whatsoever to do with his company, as far as I can tell. Does every phone come with an ad for a free stress test?

    If the Consumerist wants to out every company run by a Scientologist, that’s their choice. But it’s not something I care for, unless it’s actually affecting consumers.

  20. Trai_Dep says:

    PS: when high-profile Scientologists scream on the street, Baby-raper… BABY-raper…’ to some poor guy wearing a snarky un-Scientologist t-shirt, their credibility goes out the window. So long as it’s funny, keep slamming ’em, Ben.

  21. DashTheHand says:

    All these whining, PC, bullshit religion comments aside, my satisfaction with Helio has been far from good in the week that I’ve been with them.

    My brand new Ocean has already malfunctioned – the flash stayed on constantly heating up the *PHONE* to levels where it could actually give you a burn. Eventually it broke or burnt out because now it doesn’t work at all.

    The reception is horrible for the service in my area. I made sure to check the coverage area before I got the phone. “Blanketed by 3G” is what the website showed me. Wrong. Helio’s customer support’s solution was to get me to reset the phone and then wait 1-3 hours in between before now sending me a replacement. If this one does not work, it will be rinse and repeat steps. If that one does not work, it will be more of the same. I asked several times how many phones I’d have to go through before someone actually came out to the area and checked the service here. I got about 5 different answers, none of which said it would be done or even implied that it was the cell towers fault. All this after having a great signal while I’m driving down the highway, but not in my home or office.

  22. Sasquatch says:

    @superbeetle: It is always funny, and socially acceptable, to mock a religion created by a crappy science fiction writer with questionable morals.

    People who defend Scientology as a religion are usually Scientologists themselves because anyone rational would realize that this “religion” is nothing more than, to quote Stan from South Park, “a big fat global scam.”

  23. John Stracke says:


    I bet Comcast/Sprint CEO’s and customer reps are catholic or christian

    You realize that’s not an “or”, right? Catholics are Christians.

  24. RandomHookup says:

    @John Stracke:

    Then why do those TV churches keep sending missionaries to Central America to convert the heathen Catholics to Christianity?

  25. John Stracke says:


    Then why do those TV churches keep sending missionaries to Central America to convert the heathen Catholics to Christianity?

    Broadly speaking, it’s because they’re loonies. I mean, we’re talking about people who go on TV to tell you Moses’s imaginary friend wants you to send them money. With people like that, “Why?” is not necessarily a reasonable question.

    More specifically, though, it’s just revisionism. A lot of the fundamentalists have redefined “Christian” to exclude all non-fundamentalists.

  26. MercuryPDX says:

    Why are the Helio stories on here such a lightning rod for political correctness?

  27. MercuryPDX says:

    P.S. Next time, can we call them “Asshats”? :)

  28. lalawgirl says:

    Contact the FCC and your local congressperson. That will make Helio listen (at least that’s what my boyfriend had to do).

  29. justinsane says:

    Sky was born into Scientology (his parents were Scientologists). If he was born Jewish, would Ben still target him? I doubt it. This is just one more example of religious bigotry.

    If Scientology has helped Sky, great. He seems to be a smart and well-rounded guy. He’s always been polite in each interview I’ve read.

    His religion has nothing to do with Helio as a business. Helio employees come from all walks of life and their religions should not be the target of bigotry.

    Nobody’s pushing their beliefs on anyone here, so live and let live.

  30. FLConsumer says:

    @John Stracke: There’s quite a few Christians who would say that Catholics aren’t Christian given their current practices and beliefs.

    On the whole $cientology issue, come down here to Clearwater, FL… Home of Mindf*ck Central for $cientology. It’s the only religion I’m aware of which has a larger “security” force than the city has police officers. I could go on & on… Seriously, once you’ve seen it in action, it’s just a huge scam.

  31. shdwsclan says:

    As long as they do not interfere with the lives of my close family, i really do not care how many they have, how many people they kill, how many people they enslave, and how many people they scam. Also, if they did approach my children, they would not go for it since they know better….

    Anyways, there is no such thing a secondary ghosts, xenu, nor dc-10 space ships. But bio-electric energy and resistance changing and the mind becoming more stable due to meditation is nothing new, and therefore dianetics is a considerable book, but dont be swayed into the scam thought. Its called buddhism, it costs nothing and anyone can practice it, you dont even need to change your religion, since its not considered a religion but a set of beliefs, they dont really worship buddha, they follow his teachings and try to find their own inner happiness before death.

    As you can see, this ideology is different than using somesort of ascension levels, prohibition of psychological drugs[even thought they do mess up ones meditation goal of enlightenment, like Prozac etc…], and then there is the asbestos ships, and enslavement of people, and the govt conspiracy, and the overpriced galvanometes…like $5000 for a device that costs $25 at ACE hardware….

    But anyway, if people are idiotic enough to beleive such stories, then they deserve to belong to such a band of people.

    The only thing thats even remotely close to Scientology is Islam….forced donations, and once you join, the only real way you can get out is in a body bag….
    Only 2 religions that welcome you with closed fists…..

    I know…your probably asking…..what about the Church of Satanism…well, actually, that church is actually better than christianity….way up there with buddhism…..attend when you want, harming children is strictly forbidden[not so in christianity and judaism,..or even islam]….stupidity a sin ?? wow, could it get any better, registration is $200, and de-registration is free, all you have to do is send in your member card….

    Church of Satan, should be called the Church of Capitalism and Efficiency….because thats what it really is…..i mean..their basic message is use your time wisely, and dont be stupid….

    Catholicism is free.
    The only tradeoff, is in child abuse.

    Oh, yeah…..the call center’s are staffed by scientologist….if you get the 3 phone family plan, you get a free copy of dianetics and a coupon for a free reading…

  32. bgurly says:

    I’ve been with Cingular, Verizon, Sprint, T-Mobile, and now Helio. This company supercedes all in the worst customer service category by far. Aside from their billing not being itemized by category of how many minutes of peak time were used and how many were overages, they also decide to steal from you by setting you up for automated billing and doubling what the true amount *should* be. And godforbid you want to contest this. You’ll be placed on hold listening to obnoxious music for 40 minutes only to be greeted by some hick who doesn’t know their elbow from their asshole. And then when they realize their robotic replies arent’ cutting it and need to transfer you, they’ll disconnect you instead to start the process all over. AVOID THIS COMPANY AT ALL COSTS!!!

  33. sbc9474 says:

    I too have had an ongoing port resurrection/screwed up saga dating back to the beginning of August. I have spent somewhere in the neighborhood of 10-12 hours on the phone (mostly on hold with their excruciatingly loud hold music) with the same runaround from every DIFFERENT customer service rep. They canceled the number I had requested to have ported from Nextel and had me in the “it’ll be completed in 24 to 72 hrs” loop for about 2 weeks. I called every couple days to get an update, of course no one ever knows anything. Tried everything from telling me Nextel wouldn’t release the number to telling me there was nothing else they could do and I’d have to wait for them to contact me. Problem was escalated, then come to find out it wasn’t escalated correctly, then it would be 2 weeks, then it would be 3 days, then it would be by the end of the day, then the systems were updating and they couldn’t look up anything for my account.

    Tier 2 and Tier 3 have been involved and apparently are totally unaccessible or held in such high regard they aren’t accountable to the end consumer.

    Fortunately for me they have given me a month free and a credit for the trouble, but that still doesn’t help me with getting my number back that is printed on business cards, with my bank accounts, family, friends, etc…….

    I have been told several times that the notes from one system can’t be accessed by another system. What company starting out with the possibility of a HUGE business thinks NOT integrating their systems is a good idea????