Clearance Items: Fast Food Crime Watch!

We love Thursdays because it’s time for The Consumerist Grease Blotter

, chronicling the connection between crime and fast food since, uh, last month:

“Buy me some food or I’m gonna shoot you” [Tampa Bay 10]
“Hey buy me some food or I’m gonna shoot you,” one of them said.

“Well, shoot me then,” Stofer replied.

That’s when one of the teens fired the pellet gun, striking Stofer in the left side of his face.

Burger King robbed minutes after officer leaves [Des Moines Register]
“It is possible that the suspect saw me in the drive thru and waited until I left to rob the store, ” Officer Mandy Bernlohr wrote.

Passer-by was punched by man [Eastbourne Herald]
Then out of the blue he hit him on the left hand side of his eye, and he fell to the ground where Mr Oates’ punched him further…Oates dragged his victim out of KFC into Susans Road, ripping his shirt.

Restaurant Workers Accused Of Faking Robbery [KETV]
Employees told investigators that a man with a gun entered the business, demanded money and then ran away.

(Photo: stirwise)


Edit Your Comment

  1. Grrrrrrr, now with two buns made of bacon. says:

    It’s all because of the evil and posessed Big Boy!

  2. Crazytree says:

    You missed the best one!

    “Wendy’s manager shot by customer who wanted more chili sauce”

  3. Crazytree says:

    “A manager at a fast-food restaurant was shot several times in the arm early Tuesday trying to protect the chili sauce, authorities said.”

  4. timmus says:

    “In the past we have had officers of this department shot and killed by fast food addicts. We have traced the act of murder directly to the influence of burgers, with no other motive. We have found from long experience and dealing with this type of criminal that burgers are probably the most dangerous of all our food groups.”
    – J.F. Taylor, Chief of Detectives L.A.P.D
    Burger Madness, 1936

  5. paraxysm says:

    “Stofer says after he ordered, the teens told him to buy them some food or they would shoot.

    He said ‘no way.’

    “So the one leaning on the speaker threw a pistol pointed at my face about 3, 4 feet away and said, ‘if you don’t buy it for us, I’ll shoot you.’ And I said, ‘Well shoot then,’ and he damn sure did!” Stofer remembered with a chuckle.”

    What a fucking idiot. What if it was a real gun? Would he really rather die than fork over burger money?

    I guess if he could immediately tell it was a BB gun then ok, but most look almost exactly like a real gun.

  6. cde says:

    @paraxysm: Or he figured that the kids wouldn’t actually shoot him.

  7. guroth says:

    After the gun was pointed at him he should have said “hold on let me get some money from my wallet” then started adjusting as if to get his wallet, but then suddenly open the car door and slam the kid with it, then proceed to exit the vehicle and beat some ass.

  8. SexCpotatoes says:

    @guroth: but then mommy and daddy would sue, because their “precious little angel” would never do anything like that, and it must just be some old guy that likes beating the piss out of kids and then shooting himself in the face with a pellet gun.

  9. shoegazer says:


    The pellet left a red mark on the left side of his nose.

    True to his Marine roots, Stofer denied medical treatment.

  10. catnapped says:

    @dwayne_dibbly: Reminds me of Chucky!


  11. deltasleep says:

    @paraxysm: They used to call that “tough.”

  12. @paraxysm:

    He’s a marine. Judging by his reaction (the interview said he chuckled as he recounted the story) he knew that it was a pellet gun. To anyone familiar with real firearms, most pellet guns DO NOT look anything like real firearms. The fact that there’s a tiny hole at the end of the barrel is one thing that tips you off, another is noticing that the slide/cylinder and hammer are for show only.

    Which just goes back to one of my favorite rules to live by: Don’t try to bluff a marine.

    He still could have lost an eye though, which is why he’s a badass.

  13. I miss the Azar’s Big Boy we had here in Denver.

    Awesome cheeseburgers.

    Mmm. Cheeseburger.

  14. Charles Duffy says:

    @paraxysm: I would. Rather risk death than fork over burger money, that is.

    It’s one of those acting-in-society’s-best-interest things, see. Having a public which refuses to comply with a mugger’s demands makes mugging a far less attractive value proposition; those engaging in such actions then are put in the extremely unattractive (and unsustainable) position of being a murderer [and eventually getting killed for it — I’m in Texas, and we believe in the death penalty here — if not by court of law, then by some would-be victim acting in self-defense].

    Of course, battery is more likely than murder as a response when one refuses to accept a mugger’s demands — but either way, it makes mugging a higher-risk proposition, and that’s a Good Thing.