Does The TSA Consider Pie A Dangerous Liquid?

UPDATE: Cleavland confiscates traveler’s pies.

Our flight this morning aboard Air Canada’s s flying closet to Charlotte was fun.

To type, first we withdrew our left arm until it was flush against the seat arm. Amidst our maneuvering, our row partner regained command of the central armrest. Wand in hand, he probed a Treo-like device roughly 1/10 the size of our desktop replacement laptop. We placed our right elbow over our appendix. Our hands perched much like a Tyrannosaurus, but more useful.

Inside, a man asks whether the no liquid rules apply to his pie…

Not much fuss at the security pageant. We packed our liquids in our checked luggage, seeing no need to perform toilet mid-flight. A man waiting in line asked if it was okay to bring his pie on board.
“That aint’t a liquid,” said the TSA employee.
“Oh, good,” said the man.
We refrained from asking aloud whether cherry pie filling was considered a gel.
“Unless it’s sweet potato,” she said.
“It is,” he said.
“Then I’m gonna have to confiscate it!” said the TSA employee, to general laughter.

On the other side of the x-ray, one of the bins had a watch in it. It didn’t belong to the girl ahead of us. We held the watch up and asked if it was anyone’s. No one responded, so we handed it to the x-ray employee. Under his breath, we heard the attendant say, “Glad I came to work today.”

All in all, we’ve got no complaints. Hey, our ticket was only $143. We found it using Farecast. They’ve got a handy feature where you can see a graph of when exactly the prices drops before and after the holidays. Using Farecast’s x-y axis graph, were found able to find times that didn’t totally suck.

As our plane taxied for takeoff, we saw a jumbo jet waiting on the tarmac. Quelling a strange sense of jealousy, we thought to ourselves, “What a marvel of modern engineering.” — BEN POPKEN

Moral: Blow up plane w/pie. — MEGHANN MARCO


Edit Your Comment

  1. homerjay says:

    Ben, Why do you refer to yourself as “our”?

  2. Nifle says:

    YAY! If that guy can get away with bringing pie then I should have no difficulty bringing fudge and homemade truffles on the plane on Thursday!

  3. Ben Popken says:

    Because it’s classy.

  4. Triteon says:

    Ben is an altruist in the ultimate sense, sharing flights, wives, interns, appendices, arms, elbows… But if I were him I would have made use of the possessive pronoun to take half that pie!

  5. JeffreyK says:

    I’m full of liquid… and gas.

    Sometimes it’s lethal.

  6. ckilgore says:

    I’ve gotta start using the phrase “perform toilet” more often.

  7. Meg Marco says:
  8. Pelagius says:

    Ah, Air Canada! Whenever I hear complaints about US airlines, I recall my experiences with Socialised air travel north of the border. The only place I’ve actually been scolded for asking for water.

  9. Meghann:

    Does this mean that Ben is pregnant or did I miss something? ;)

  10. KesCaesar says:

    Lord, I hate Air Canada, and yet, as a Canadian living in America, I have to fly them almost constantly. Between United and Air Canada, it’s always like getting my teeth drilled crossing the border.
    And don’t think it represents Canadians or Canada as a whole – it’s just a sh*tty airline heavily subsidized by the government, like most US airlines.

  11. incidentist says:

    Good to know. I figured I’d have to check the bag containing the anthrax meringue pie I made for the in-laws.

  12. econobiker says:

    But you can bring candles on board just as long as you don’t have matches or a lighter. They’re classified as solids- or at least that’s what they told my senior citizen mother when they tossed her bags in Newark (also recent site of various screening check failures). She of course was freaked since she had pared and parsed all care fluids to ≤3oz into her finest store brand zip seal plastic bag. But all was well that ends well.

    Nothing like the old days of having the bags in front of mine getting smashed together and the contents of two bottles of gin splashing and dripping down the security belt onto my bag…

  13. CTSLICK says:

    We recently had to give up a 5 oz. bottle of artichoke hearts. My wife had forgotten to take them out of her carry on. I guess rules are rules…sigh

  14. soulbarn says:

    Haha. A few weeks ago, TSA at JFK’s American terminal made me throw out a small container of rice pudding. No foolin’.

  15. goaway147 says:

    Security is not a joking matter.

    > “Unless it’s sweet potato,” she said.
    > “It is,” he said.
    > “Then I’m gonna have to confiscate it!” said
    > the TSA employee, to general laughter.

  16. nobody-special says:

    God help the flyer if *he* had initiated the sweet potato banter. He’d have spent T’giving in plastic handcuffs.

    It’s a sad and sorry society which first gives up its sense of humor.