Weave a circle around you thrice and shut your eyes with holy dread. Those gay guys in the row ahead of you are kissing on the airplane!

George Tsikhiseli and Stephan Varnier were coming back from an amorous vacation in South Africa on American Airlines Flight 45 when a stewardess with “Texas hair, like from the nineteen-sixties” advanced upon them and told them to knock off all that gay stuff. Orders of the purser.

So they called the purser. The purser hadn’t said anything like that at all, and rolled her eyes when the stewardess was identified. She assured them there was no problem at all and that their contact (which apparently was just fond, idle pecking) was appropriate.

But Tsikhiseli and Varnier pushed forward, questioning whether or not this was a heterosexual conspiracy against them. At which point, the purser went frigid, and the Captain eventually called them up to the cockpit to tell them that if they didn’t stop arguing about it, they’d have the plane diverted and met at the gate by the Anti-Gay Police.

American Airlines claims the entire thing wasn’t about them being gay, but exactly how far they shoved their tongues down each other’s throat holes. But an American Airlines CSR named Terri said no one cares about that either: “[We] just don’t want you to go into the bathrooms together.”

Air Kiss [New Yorker]

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