Looks Like a Theme Park, Smells Like a Church

In a great leap forward for workers’ rights, but a disappointment to throngs of born-again tourists, management of the Holy Land Experience theme park in Orlando cancelled the daily crucifixion. “Park officials were apologetic but firm: None of their employees would hang on the cross during a lightning storm.”

Good for the Jesus impersonators, but the park has other problems. Thanks to some savvy lobbying, the park exempted itself from coughing up the shekels to the state of Florida by declaring itself to be a ministry.

Not everyone thinks this is kosher. The park, “a combination of the sacred and the profane,” sells all kinds of merchandise and food, including “Goliath burgers.” (Made of 100% grade A giant!)

Mmm… sacrilicious.

‘Holy Land’ park mixes faith, fun [Kansas City Star]


Edit Your Comment

  1. B says:

    “None of their employees would hang on the cross during a lightning storm.”
    Sounds like thier employees don’t have much faith.
    “biblical cookbooks”- Start with two of every animal….

    • killest says:

      You have no idea what you’re talking about… Faith isn’t doing something stupid for a blind reason. Faith is knowing and trusting that God will take care of you when you CAN’T control a situation.
      If you choose to act out a Crucifiction scene in a lightning storm, that’s not faith, that’s just stupidity, and that actor deserves to get hit.

  2. AcilletaM says:

    Yeah, avoid the biblical cookbook. The recipes aren’t that good. “Chocolate covered plague of locusts” is not appealing and the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” is really just a renamed “Pigs in a Blanket”.

    *sigh* My parents are going to Orlando in Nov. and they want to go here…

  3. Archon Divinus says:

    But the “Original Sin” makes for damn good eatings.

  4. magic8ball says:

    This is a joke, right? Clever social satire … somebody’s surrealist art project … no, seriously. “Golgotha Fun Park”?

  5. jeblis says:

    Pics, info, etc.


    Next thing you know we’ll have the ministry of Disney.

  6. Mary Marsala with Fries says:

    Yeah, ministry my ass. They’re running a business and they should be paying taxes. Hell, they’re running a religious-themed business so they should be paying DOUBLE taxes, IMO….one set for running a business, and another set for the privelege of spreading their dogma beyond the proper boundaries of church activity. Hmph.

  7. wil9000 says:

    Didya ever feel like the fly with the head and arm of a man at the very end of “The Fly”? Help Meeeeee. Help Meeeeeee.

    I personally think that if there were a god, and if it had any sort of actual “powers”, most of the people in the world who do most of the things in the world “in his name” would vanish in a puff of sulfurous smoke. And Karl Rove would never have existed.

  8. “Yeah, avoid the biblical cookbook. The recipes aren’t that good.”

    Eyebrows threw a (lingerie) wedding shower themed “Biblical whores” for a friend in the ministry and all her ministerial friends. Everyone had to come as their favorite Biblical woman of ill repute, and we had Biblical food, including lamb, apples dipped in honey, Fig Newtons (hey, figs are hard!), substantially too much wine.

    And yet it’s so much less sacrilicious than a Christian theme park. (And tastier than the Biblical cookbook.)