CVS Won’t Accept You’re Not Stacy

Like an insane serial killer calling from the attic, drooling and sharpening his knives, CVS just can’t stop calling Robert B.

Manically, they think his name is Stacy. A slobbering mental patient at the other end will not accept his name is not Stacy. They keep on calling him, over and over and over again. Not only that, but they delight in calling his mobile, racking up his precious free minutes.

The CVS employee will not identify himself, or the specific store he works for. In infinite, creepy recursion, Robert awaits the next call, unsure of how he can possibly convince CVS that his gruff, masculine voice is that of a man, not a valley girl trick.

Robert’s email, after the jump.

I have recently started receiving phone calls from CVS pharmacy, asking for someone called Stacy. Annoyingly these calls are coming to my cell phone. Each time the person calling is a bumbling idiot, barely able to put together a coherent sentence and completely able to grasp that:

1) Im not Stacy
2) Im male and therefore not Stacy
3) That they have the wrong number and therefore not Stacy
4) That they are calling a cell phone and racking up my cell phone minutes rather than Stacys
5) That despite me not being Stacy, calling back each and every day for the last week or so in the vane hope that Stacy will answer my cell phone is not going to happen

Ive tried asking them where they are calling from, telling them that they have the wrong number etc, but as soon as they figure out they hang up, only to call back the NEXT DAMN DAY.

I am currently awaiting the next call ala Groundhog Day.

I havent called corporate yet, but surely the staff should be intsructed on how to deal with wrong numbers, or does it fall to me to spend my time on fixing their mistakes?


Edit Your Comment

  1. bones says:

    CVS does the same thing to your doctor. They have an “automated” prescription refill service that faxes the doctor’s office with refill requests for patient medications. Initially one sees this as a good idea, ok so it’s 3 pages per patient but OK. But depending on who pulls the faxes, your doctor pulls the patient chart multiple times, multiple return calls to the pharmacy or patient. But, even if the doctor “answers” the fax, the automated system keeps faxing the doctor’s office twice a day for up to 7-10 days and it only stops when you call the CVS in question, and have a very aggressive conversation directly with the pharmacist to cut it out. Only then do they go to the “automated system” and pull the offending record out and the faxes stop.

  2. aka Cat says:

    Tell them Stacy’s dead.

  3. RandomHookup says:

    I think Stacy Keach will beg to differ that Stacy’s is only a chick name.

  4. KevinQ says:

    Next time they call, say “Yes, I’m Stacy. But could I give you my home number instead?” And then make up another number.


  5. Jess A. says:

    Why not have your cell provider block the number the calls are originating from?

  6. etinterrapax says:

    My local CVS called and left a message about someone else’s prescription once this past spring. I didn’t catch the call, so I just called them back, went through the automated menu to get to the pharmacy, and talked to whoever answered about how Evelyn Q was not at my number. That put an end to it, which is more than I can say for Premier BankCard’s collectors and the elusive Kelly Consalvo. I’m feeling kind of sorry for the collector assigned to this account now. She sounds increasingly forlorn as she leaves messages. Perhaps it is sinking in that this person is not here. If she’d only believed me four months ago, she could have mourned and moved on.

  7. Antediluvian says:

    I suggest you kindly explain:

    “Just a moment while I see if she’s free.
    [optional]Stacy! Telephone for you![/optional]
    [let a moment or two go by]
    I’m sorry, Stacy’s not available right now — give me your number and I’ll have her call you back.”

    Note how you’re not asking for the caller’s number, you’re gently demanding it.

    If they still decline to leave a number, explain that Stacy has a lot of meetings today and insisted that you get a number.
    Or just say she’s dead.

  8. If you tell them to stop, and they won’t, your state attorney general has a form you can use to report harassing “telemarketing” calls. This is only very loosely under the definition, but the AG will probably still send the phone number’s owner a nastygram. And nothing makes companies quit calling you faster than a nastygram from the state AG!

    I had the same problem with debt collectors calling twice daily for someone who hasn’t lived at this address for at least 10 years and two owners before me. They wouldn’t quit, and wouldn’t believe I wasn’t her, so I finally just sent the number to the AG as telemarketing and oh my did they back off and apologize fast.

    (But it makes me wonder – what did the previous owners do for the SIX YEARS they were here and being called by this chick’s debt collectors? And are these the world’s lazies debt collectors or what?)

  9. Pssssst... says:

    Okay, this one is real simple. Lets not make it any more complicated that it needs to be.
    1) Save the number in your phonebook
    2) When they call, reject it sending them straight to voicemail.
    By doing this you:
    – don’t have to accept the call
    – don’t have to waste minutes
    – don’t have to waste more minutes with and automated system trying to rectify it…and with a bit of luck the person calling will get the message (literally) that you are not Stacey and this is not her phone number.

  10. I still want to know how the cellphone companies in the USA managed to get people to accept the idea that when someone calls you, you should pay.

    Does it work like that in any civilised countries? It sure doesn’t here in Australia.

  11. These comments make the song ‘Freddie’s Dead’ by Curtis Mayfield, play in my head.

  12. Tankueray says:

    Personally, I’m a bit worried for Stacy. Is it the same idiot that keeps calling? Is he giving you Stacy’s full name? There may be the possibility that this is some jackass that was at the pharmacy the day Stacy picked up her prescription, and in the interest of getting it in less than 8 hours, she shot him a smile. He is now in love with her and stalking her. He thinks it’s a landline/you’re Stacy’s boyfriend and eventually she’ll answer and he can profess his undying love to her. (or that he slipped rufies into her birth control pills in the hope that he could hook up with her later.) So if you can, find Stacy, tell her that she has a stalker and get the guy fired for using patient information for trying to get a date. And if she sounds hot, get a date with her yourself; use those rufies to your advantage to get married in Vegas and get her pregnant on your wedding night. Or skip that last part and just get lucky…