Travelers, Please Leave Your Tits At Home

And traveling just got a hell of a lot drearier: U.S. authorities are advising women not to wear gel bras when traveling, lest they be mistaken for a bosom-emphasizing terrorist.

This could not come at a worse time. As if flying weren’t hadn’t already become a a dull, plodding misadventure of inconvenience without the humiliation of forced flatness, the misery of a surroundings full of mammarian surfboards.

ABC’s “blog” is quick to point out that women have been suicide bombers before, although perhaps not by smuggling the explosives onto the plane in a couple of sloshing artificial Double D’s. Granted. But isn’t a world filled with beautiful, beautiful breasts worth an exploding airplane or two?

Authorities Warning Women Not to Wear Gel Bras As Worries of Possible Female Bombers Increase [ABC]