Consumerist Reader Tshirt Slogans

Our contest for readers to create the next Consumerist tshirt is in full swing. Here’s the best of the bunch so far, in our humble opinions.


“Consumerist: Apply directly to the telemarketer”

Don’t be a jag

I Might be a Mystery Shopper

Buyer. Beware.

Consumerist Whore

Pic of a guy with oozinator jizz on his face and awkward facial expression. Caption: in bold lettering, “stick it to the man”

Remember, you’ve got until August 25th, 5pm to submit your idea and win fabulous prizes. Email us at with subject line “tshirt” or put ’em in the comments.

All the slogans submitted so far, inside, for inspirational purposes.

UPDATE: More slogans added!

Feel free to tweak these or just riff on ’em!

“Capitalist Piggy”
Complete with picture of cute fat piggy.

“for narrow minded liberals only”
“I buy witty T-shirts”
“Customer service ninja.”
“Did you cancel your AOL account yet?”
“Telemarketers’ nightmare.”
Consumer doesn’t mean “Con Me.”
On the front, “Companies should be afraid of their Customers.”
On front, “Because annoying the shit out of someone goes both ways.”
“Consumerist gives you the money shot”
“Demon Customer”
“Not made whole by just consuming? Bitch about it.”
“It really IS a conspiracy.”
“Get what’s coming to you.”
“Fuck Thee. Come worship at the Holy Church of the Consumerist”
“You have customer retention. I have an angry Irishman and a blog. We’re even.”
“What are you going to do about it?”
“I have a consumer blog. Give me a free t-shirt.”
“Thank you for calling customer service. How can I hang up on you?”
“Why the hell do I have to press 1 for English? “
“Psst, wanna buy some insurance insurance?”
Front: Complain like a woman….. Back:
Front: Computer geeks bitching on-line Back:
Front: I suck at shopping Back: Learn how to @
Front: Back: SUCKER
“I consume, therefore I am.”
“Get this mutha effen blog off my mutha effen shirt!”
“For People Who Buy Stuff”
Not just Pissed – Consumerist Pissed
Forewarned is Fun –
Before I open my wallet I open
Screw Back –
From Screwed to Scrooge –
If you f*ck with me you f*ck with
Bling Blog. – Not the Fuzzy End of the Lollypop
Consumerist.Com. Brand Killer.

UPDATE: New slogans below:

FRONT: “Fuck Me and I Fuck You Back.” (or “Eff Me and I Eff U Back.”) – BACK: THE
FRONT: “I Fucked the Man.” (or “I Fucked With the Man.”) – BACK: And All I Got Was This Goddamed T-Shirt. THE FUCKING
Let The Buyer [striked out] Seller Beware!
Say No to Corporate Douchery
I Complain All The Time About Lousy Service And All I Got Was This T-Shirt
Buyer: Be Aware – Making the BBB look like your PR firm
F: We know if you’ve been bad or good …and we’re telling everyone
Ripped from tomorrow’s headlines.
“Friends Don’t Let Friends Buy Extended Warranties.”
Front: Caveat Venditor ” Back:
Front: Consumers Reporting. Back:
Front: My manager can beat up your manager. Back:
Front: The dog ate my receipt. Back:
Front: Just blogging, thanks. Back:
Front: You go get your manager. I’ll get mine. Back:
“Don’t place the order.” (image of mouse/keyboard or phone + hand?)
“I would like to cancel my order.”
“I would like to cancel my account.”
“Dear Customer: Thank you for your money. Go F@!# yourself. Sincerely, Customer Service”
“RIAA? MPAA? Just go to and RTFA”
“As long as you’re getting screwed, why not make it hurt less?”
…just an image somehow showing money under the mattress.
“A capitalist nightmare”
“Don’t get customer SERVICED.”
“Your call will be ignored in the order it was received.”
“Press 1 to continue to be jerked around by a huge corporation.”
“It’s called a Happy Meal, not a Fuck-My-Order-Up-Totally Meal.”
What part of “You give me what I want and I pay you” don’t you understand?
This outfit was $2 a pound
Front: Stick it to the man Back: When he sitcks it to you
Front: Got Screwed? Back:


Edit Your Comment

  1. How about ‘Buy. Beware. Consume.’

    or ‘Somtimes Gaytarded.’

  2. ‘ i don’t make a living wage either. ‘
    ‘ to speak with a csr, lose temper and yell “fuck!” ‘
    ‘ lay off, my job sucks too. ‘
    ‘ i wanted a comment invite and all i got was this stupid t-shirt. ‘

  3. thesilentnight says:

    – FRONT: “Fuck Me and I Fuck You Back.” (or “Eff Me and I Eff U Back.”) – BACK: THE

    – FRONT: “I Fucked the Man.” (or “I Fucked With the Man.”) – BACK: And All I Got Was This Goddamed T-Shirt. THE FUCKING

  4. cudthecrud says:

    Your PR people can’t handle me.

  5. SigSauer says:

    How about:

    My Other Blog is a Ferrari

  6. SigSauer says:


    Brand Cist.

  7. GenXCub says:

    Endowing every ethnicity with X-Ray vision

  8. ‘ when you care enough to spend the very best. ‘
    ‘ consumerist. we’d charge, but then we’d have to suck.’
    ‘ consumerist- because no one else cares.’

  9. homerjay says:

    Front:”This conversation may be recorded for quality assurance”

  10. ‘ you only love us for your money.’

  11. ‘ you fuck with consumers, you fuck with us! you fuck with us, you fuck with you!

    (because ‘beauiful girls’ was an awesome movie.)

  12. Yep says:

    Has nothing to do with consumerist, but I always wanted a t-shirt that says “asphinctersayswhatsthatsay?”
    …’cause I’m mature like that.

  13. ‘ consumerist: we can kick ralph nader’s ass.’

    okay, time for a break.

  14. Kos says:

    I hereby claim all anagrams. A few are below

    “Because you can’t spell Consumerist without ‘Cost Miser'”

    Consumerist: Putting “Nicest Smut” back where it belongs (It’s an Anagram people). Actually, that’d be better for Fleshbot. So would “Score in Smut”

    Consumerist: Scaring CSRs with Sonic Muster.

    Consumerist: Rinse to Scum

    Consumerist: Scum Site to CSRs

    Conusmerist: Cums in Riots (actually, better for Fleshbot too, also “Cums in Stores”

    Consumerist: The Scorn Site

  15. benko29 says:

    “Because consumers pay good money for the right to bitch.”

  16. Orthodork says:

    “I’m recording this conversation for the amusement of others on”

  17. consumerist (n) 1. corporate karma, generally bad.

  18. ‘ no mercy for the wicked.’
    ‘ beware, all ye who are mentioned here.’

  19. MrBartokomous says:

    “You’ll wish you helped me more.”

    “I help spread bad word of mouth. No Pressure.”

    “Help me send Consumerist a happy story.”

    “AOL Retention Specialist.” And then on the back: “No, I never worked there.”

  20. Jesse in Japan says:

    On the front: “I didn’t sign up for this service.”

    On the back: “I’m disputing the charges, bitch!”

    Or: “I demand to speak to a Level 3 CSR.”

  21. ‘ 90% of unhappy customers never complain.
    …we never did fit in.’
    …i’ll take their cut.’

  22. olegna says:

    Seller Beware

    (Think big bold military font or something like that with Consumerist logo, maybe a desert Chamoflauge mask under the font on a simple white 100% cotton Beefy T – dont skimp on the T brand, dude, Fruit of the Loom sucks.)

    Can I have my treat now?

  23. He says:

    How about a middle aged guy in a business suit with one of those vapid manager smiles bitch slapping some average normal consumer person on the front and on the back, some big dude kicking the company guy’s nads from behind while the consumer smiles from the ground on the back. the caption on the back would be “The Consumerist Strikes Back” or “A Morning After Pill for Corporate Rape”.

    Get the folks who drew that NSFW corporate destruction pamphlet to draw it and make the consumer a gay female minority for extra sympathy points.

  24. Y’all should use several of these instead of just one.

    My favorites are from:
    dave the wet sprocket (the consumerist definition and the following comment)
    TheBrianIsAstonishing (bad word of mouth)
    olegna (Seller Beware)

    I also like “Consumerist: Apply directly to the telemarketer” except I think it should be CSR instead of telemarketer since that’s who you usually deal with and what more of the posts are about.

  25. much gracias, muchacho. i like mine, too. and i’m jealous of whoever came up with “i might be a mystery shopper”.

  26. ‘ cogito, ergo consumerist ‘