The Truth About ‘5’

5. A word or maybe a number that causes even the most profane to turn a pallid green; that triggers the bile reflex in even those who can listen unblinking to Bob Saget’s version of The Aristocrats. So claims Verizon: amongst words like “fleshpopsicle” and “whiteswallow”, it stands testament to the deepest depravity of the human soul.

But what does it mean? Some Diggers posited that it was a secret code word for pedophilia; this was a gag. What dark haunts of humanity’s black heart does it so perfectly encapsulate?

Unfortunately, the reality is so much more pedestrian: it was, of course, a copy-and-paste error from Verizon’s PDF of 43 (or, apparently, 42) words you can’t say on their network. The list spread two pages, between page 5 and 6. Page five’s denominator was caught in the Ctrl+C.

Truth is duller than fiction.

Verizon’s Content Policy PDF (Thanks, Ben O.)
Previously: Words You Can’t Say on Verizon Wireless: ‘5’


Edit Your Comment

  1. Jesse in Japan says:

    I don’t buy their explanation one bit. The conspirators are obviously attempting a cover-up job, but they won’t fool me. If you scroll through that PDF file ever so slowly you’ll see that between the fifth and sixth pages the 5 goes back and to the left. Back, and to the left. Back, and to the left. Back, and to the left.

  2. JMC says:

    I’m still waiting for an explanation of “rubyredbag”.

    Oh, and note that “wop” is forbidden, so no “doo wop” MP3’s allowed.

  3. AcilletaM says:

    His version was one of the best and most creative. He just needed to do Drew Carey’s hand gesture at the end to put it over the top.

  4. mistress smarty says:

    Well, if it wasn’t before, it will be now.

  5. bambino says:

    Actually, ‘5’ means ‘Wal-Mart’.

  6. Ah, well, it was fun while it lasted. By the way, props to whoever decided to illustrate the article with I Saw the Figure 5 in Gold.

  7. steinwaytony says:

    Well, Consumerist bombs the gullibility test for the seventeenth time. What else is new? Five means pedophilia? Sheesh.

  8. Malaclypse says:

    There was just one person who said “5” referred to pedophilia, everyone else chimed in with “oh, I didn’t know” or “that’s interesting.” It’s quite likely that the original poster himself was just excercising a rather dry sense of humor.

  9. sock puppeteer says:

    Vagina is banned?
    Plus testicles, scrotum, masturbate, but not penis!
    Those are anatomy terms!
    And I guess you can’t refer to BJ Hunnicut of the MASH TV show on Verizon as BJ is banned.
    Actually all of the words are in lower case, so maybe ALL CAPS IS ACCEPTABLE.
    Verizon’s “standards people are totally whacked or is it that they’re all whacking off!