2 Young Scalawags Charged in Veteran Data Theft

Nineteen-year-old Jesus Alex Pineda 19, and Christian Brian Montano were charged Saturday in the left of a laptop containing 26.5 million veteran’s records.

The laptop contained unencrypted names, SS numbers and birthdays of millions of service members, both veteran and active.

The Veteran’s Affairs snafu was the largest data breach in federal government history, but that’s new to its perps, who were both wanted in conjunction with multiple other robberies.

“As far as we can determine, this was a random burglary,” Montgomery County Police Chief Thomas Manger said at a news conference. “They did not know what they had.”

VA announced plans to fire the analyst, Wayne Johnson, 60, who took the laptop home. Johnson has worked for the department for over 30 years and is challenging the dismissal.

Kids, they don’t got no respect for they elders these days.

UPDATE: Yet another Veteran’s Affairs computer containg 38,000 records has gone missing…