AOL Still Retaining Like A MoFugger

AOL may be free, but that didn’t stop them from calling up Matt W. in Chicago, begging him to come back. The rep offered Matt a “new” version of AOL called, “Security Edition.” After an initial “trial period,” Matt could continue using AOL for $9.95/month.

We believe this is called “telemarketing.”

He explained to the rep, “…the only reason I had AOL as long as I did was that I had set my father up with a screen name six years ago and didn’t have the heart to make him change to another ISP and e-mail system….Well, pops is [dead]…and hence my cancellation. Sorry, but I’d rather stick bamboo chutes under my fingernails than use AOL.”

Instead of hundreds of discs in the mailbox, perhaps America can look forward to a currently unspecified number of calls on the phone line…

Bonus game: What issue of 2600 contained an article about the Merlin program used by retention consultants?

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