Welcome To CarcinogenAir, Please Don’t Not Smoke While On Board

Finally! A flying cure house in which chain smoking travelers can turn themselves into strips of walking, talking, coughing jerky.

German entrepreneur Alexander Schoppman is starting an all-smoking luxury airline called Smintair (Smoker’s International Airline). Flying between Dusseldorf and Tokyo, the 747s will only pander to the wheezing, black-lunged traveling elite. Like a counter-gravitational Cotton Club, smoking will be allowed throughout the plane, with the upper deck turned into a smoker lounge.

Oddly enough, they are pitching their flying carcinogen aquarium to non-smokers as well, claiming the air conditioning system pumps fresh outside air into the cabin. This is probably true: the smell of a stogie is scarcely less pleasant than the 8-hour lingering flatulence of the old woman sitting in front of you, or the fetid stench of foot cheese when shoes pop off at the 30 minute mark.

Now if only someone would open an airline that makes parents stuff their wailing infants in pet carriers and shove them in baggage.

The Captain Has Turned On The Smoke ‘Em If You Got ‘Em Sign [Upgrade Travel]