French Burger King Fans Unite!

A bunch of French Burger King fans are sick of shouting “O

est le boeuf?” unanswered into the void. And like crazies everywhere, they’re organizing on the Internet via petition.

If years of cerebral alcohol absorption hasn’t completely bled my high school French out of me, their petition reads: “Do you miss the delicious Burger King’s delicious Whopper hamburger? Since Burger King left France in 1997, are your taste buds in mourning? Sign the petition!”

Yeah, they’re crazy. But trust me. You’d want that ghoulish plasticine Burger King back too if you had to eat at the Quick. I’ve had burgers there that put to gastro-aesthetic shame any of the sadistic Argentoesque horrors that America’s line cooks have cooked up for me over the years. My last burger at the Quick was three paddies of glistening offal, stuffed between soggy maxi pads, ejaculated upon by every fry cook, then allowed to sit out in the sun. Like many terrible European institutions (see, also: Ireland’s SuperMac’s), these places only manage to survive by allowing Euros to keep their supposed superiority over us “idiot barbarians” by purposely eating at far inferior but Euro-owned knock-offs of the very American staples they so snootily deplore.

Petition for the return of Burger King to France


Edit Your Comment

  1. Rick Dobbs says:

    Someone’s been reading their Dennis Miller books again today…

  2. The Unicorn says:

    Some of the stuff at Quick actually looks pretty good, although I obviously have no way of judging the taste (yes, I went to the website; I’m a sucker for foreign fast-food).

    SuperMac’s looks…disgusting. Also: sad.

  3. Aaron D. says:

    may I reccomend people not eat fast food anymore?

    Fast Food Nation

  4. The Unicorn says:

    Whoa whoa whoa Aaron, hold up — you’re telling me that there’s a BOOK called FAST FOOD NATION? And its thesis is that FAST FOOD is actually BAD FOR YOU???

    Psh. That’s the craziest load of hooey I’ve heard since someone suggested my methamphetamine use was linked to my insomnia.

  5. kostia says:

    I had no idea Burger King had left France. When I was there (like ’91) I saved a placemat that proudly proclaimed there were NINETEEN Burger Kings in Paris alone. I wonder what they turned all those storefronts into.