Our Purchasable Society: Firecrotch, Hoffa & Muckrackers

What use is it following celebrity-besotted news if you can’t buy a little piece?

• Are you Team Firecrotch or Team Silverspoon? Well too bad, Brandos, you can only buy t-shirts supporting the former, soon to be released at Choiceshirts.

• If you’re in Milford, MI, put out a hit on one of these Jimmy Hoffa hand cupcakes at the Milford Baking Co. FBI are searching the property of a nearby farm after hearing that Mr. Teamster might be buried underground.

• Show your support for the embattled, soclose to irrelevancy, Page Six gossip columnist Jared Paul Stern by sporting one of his Skull & Bones shirts. Possible spinoff: Why not a line of Skull & Dagger themed polos? Also, Jared, sidenote, a Yahoo! storefront? Not a good look, surely fey gangsters can muscle a more dapper webdesign.

In the future, everyone will be famous for fifteen dollars.