Fuck Myspace, We’re Deleting Our Profile

Tom is not our friend anymore. Neither is MAGIC CYCLOPS, ElectroBOOBIES, Larry TEE or Mr. Pacman.

We just canceled our Myspace profile. Or at least, initialized the proceedings. We are scheduled to receive an email shortly containing instructions we must follow to complete the cancellation. Thank you.

We don’t even use Myspace anymore, really. It was cool two years ago when we promoted parties. It helped get the word out and we could “monitor the scene.” Now that we have a real job *cough cough,* it sits as an internet artifact to a life we once led, a vestigial ligament, and a catch basin for the odd acquaintance who decides to send us a message through it, arriving with the charm of a telegram.

But mainly it’s a way for crappy bands and stupid people we’ve never heard of to market themselves to us. Which we were relatively okay with, we just set it so we don’t get notifications anymore. But then Myspace got creepy.

Our little brother and sister are on it. It got sold to Murdoch and the renovations began. Currently, the homepage is swathed in X-men. We hate X-men. And recent reports that schools are using Myspace to spy on their students, and even punish them for things said and done there have made us furious. Raging. Party’s over, kids.

We refuse to support this system, even as a passive “friendship” node.

Goodbye, Myspace. You are a loser.

After the jump, the step by step screenshots of cancelling one’s profile….

Step 1


Step 2


Step 3


Step 4


Step 5



Edit Your Comment

  1. hiphopnerd says:

    You’re not going to miss the scintillatingly intelligent conversations with Tila Tequila?

  2. matto says:

    Angela and Tila sure are a pair of cuties. Popken, you’re quite the interweb pimp!

  3. RandomHookup says:

    Gotta love the new “Fuck MySpace” category. How about a “MySpace Fucked Me” for all the idjits who are getting caught at something or other by the cops?

  4. mrscolex says:

    Look I know the myspace UI is terrible but do you really need to paste screenshots to lavish in it?

    Did you finally get tired of the vapid self-promotion? The tiled backgrounds that don’t match up with the text on the friends pages? The auto-playing mp3’s? What’s there not to love about myspace?

  5. Bubba Barney says:

    I agree. You may have even inspired me to close mine. I never use it unless I get some random message, but yah, it’s getting out of control.

  6. Melsky says:

    I never liked myspace, there’s too much confusing crap on everyone’s page. It’s like someone ate Livejournal and threw up.

  7. Smoking Pope says:

    From what little I’ve seen of MySpace, it’s a worthless piece of trash. Seriously, how is anyone supposed to glean any information at all with the horrible look and feel they’ve got? Plus everyone’s 14 and acts as if they’re huffing glue. If I wanted to deal with idiots like that, I’d go to the local mall.

  8. billhelm says:

    Myspace is the VHS of social networking sites. Technologically inferior to the alternatives, but everyone adopts it anyway.

  9. yerfatma says:

    Porn is credited VHS uptake. Am I missing out on something at MySpace? They should really require a registered letter before they cancel your account, just like those security paragons at the gym.

  10. ben says:

    MySpace is where HTML goes to die. It’s hilarious.

  11. Falconfire says:

    Actually, working in a school district IT department, there is a VERY good reason schools have begun to monitor Myspace. At least two gang fights have been stopped before they started in our district because they are using the space to plan their fights on school grounds. This doesnt even come close to the number of times we have found threats on faculty and students on the site (almost all of the time being informed from the student body themselves, there is no way we could actually monitor the place)

    Dislike it all you want, but the US has decided that the schools will be the parent. Its not something we want to do (or even like, we have more important things to focus on like god forbid EDUCATION) But when you have a student body who has no respect for elders or even each other to the point of teachers and students being assaulted, you take things very seriously these days. I dont have to remind people here how many children have been raped thanks to myspace (or as once girl in the town over from us had happened, killed by a man she met through myspace who is still out there.)

    Myspace isnt to blame of course, bad parents are. But when the parents wont step in to watch their children law basically says we have to. Course there are schools who take it too far and infringe on 1st amendment rights to free speech. But those rights dont protect the stuff we are finding on Myspace from some students, like naked shots of 14 year olds and threats to gangbang a boy for dumping a gangmembers sister.

  12. mand0 says:

    Wow, I just deleted my myspace account last night for many of the same reasons. I guess we’re on the same page.

  13. Benko says:

    myspace is a pit of self-aggrandizing emo kids and their crappy bands and their egos.
    look at me and the picture of myself i took with my razr in my parents’ bathroom mirror! thanks for the add!!!11 thanks for the add!!1!11!

  14. trixare4kids says:

    I’ve never, not even once, been to myspace. I didn’t even HEAR about myspace until I saw something about it on dateline a few weeks(?) ago. I am officially OLD and have been living under a rock, apparently.

  15. Kishi says:

    I like MySpace. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I hate all the stupid ad bullshit and getting messages from random bands that’re playing in a crap bar six hours away, but I’ve used it to hear from at least a dozen high school friends I’d lost touch with.

    Well, and two ex-girlfriends I’d rather never speak to again. You’re right- fuck MySpace!

  16. Transuranic says:

    Meh, I got tired of Friendster, like, LONG before Myspace even came on the SCENE, okay.

    No really, it’s true. I joined ISOL.ATR or whatever and haven’t looked back.

  17. Uglyshoe says:

    The real interesting thing about all myspace is that Murdoch holds an uncontestable worldwide license on anything you upload.

    This is probably just so no one complains that their content is accesible by anyone with an internet connection. but at the same time if you are a band, you might be hearing your first hit single during an episode of 24.

  18. RobotsonCasiotones says:

    I know I’m about a month late to the party here but, Falconfire – you raise a really good point. The kind of ruthless, violent “gangsters” who not only attend school but spend their free time chatting via myspace are clearly dangerous, hardcore criminals who we need off the streets badly enough that schools invading and policing students’ private lives and property is totally justified.