Target Motivational Song Brainwashes Employees Into Having Fun

Word has it that Target employees are strapped to a gurney and forced to listen to this corporate song (“Target – Everything I Wanna Be!”) a thousand times until they are either reduced to simpering pablum-minded idiots or exhibit the cheery anacephalic qualities of the ideal Target employee. Which, come to think of it, may very well be the same thing.

We admit it’s not the most visual of videos — that Target logo really ought to be hypnotically swirling. But the song itself is pretty hypnotic, with catchy lyrics like “I move fast! / I have fun! / Smiling comes with number one!” and “We’re a team / Every day! / Target’s where I want to stay!”

Found via Ad Freak.


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  1. homerjay says:

    In the lanes! / On the floor! / Check the back room we’ve got more! ?????
    Good God…. I have a feeling we’re gonna see this being ‘created’ on an upcoming episode of The Apprentice.

    “Teams, I want you to write a song for Target to help motivate their employees. The winning team witll habe their song will be featured on YouTube. The loser will be going to the boardroom where someone will get fired.”

  2. limiter says:

    Many a year ago I worked at Target and I didn’t get that video, but instead I got the very rare Penn and Teller video about Empowerment which basically meant I could do what I needed to make the customer happy.

    This empowerment phase quickly ended as Target, at the time, would have a new corporate policy on how to treat customers almost every month. Fortunately I continued to reference the Penn and Teller video for my entire stay, making good use of the “999999” code when I needed to change the price on a product to make a customer happy and the register wouldn’t let me. If anyone questioned me I just would start quoting the video. Good times.

  3. “Come along, you belong, feel the fizz of Koo Koo Cola. It’s the cola for makin’ you proud. Take another sip and be one of the crowd. You belong with Koo koo Cola. Get to the store and take all you can carry, we got the flavors – orange, grape and cherry. Feel the fizz of Koo Koo Cola.”

    Rescue Rangers? Anybody?

  4. AcidReign says:

    …..Eh. I’ve been on both sides of this equation. While I’ve never worked at Target, they do at least stock a water fountain my cats enjoy!

    …..I work at a company that requires their new hires to be drug-free, felony-free, and high-school educated. And this pretty much eliminates 75% of applicants. Then, they require that you take no less than three days off per year, and only a doctor’s excuse suffices. This wipes out another 15%, as the summer heat jacks up the “work” factor.

    …..Me, I like to live large. I like steaks, air-conditioning, good alchohol, and riding downhill gravity-fed with no seat belt! A steady job like this that gives seven days off out of fourteen is heaven, for a college flunk-out like me, but apparently most folk these days feel they’re being exploited.

    …..Wake up, people! The jobs you’re quitting are manna for Central American immigrants! Since our Federal Government would rather suck oil out of sand for lives in Asia, they aren’t going to close our borders! And if you can’t show up for work because you are “depressed,” those hard-working Spanish-speaking dudes will! And based on what I’ve seen, that’s not a bad thing at all!

    …..Target Fun is more or less a desperate plea to limit worker apathy. Show up every day, regardless of your capacity, and you will advance. Except no one does. Working as I do in a blue-collar environment, I’m expecting at least a half-dozen Cinco-de-Mayo casualties tommorrow night. And this is a holiday that most REAL Mexicans don’t think is very important…

  5. LLH says: