Wal-Mart Will Help The Puny Humans Compete

In one of the weirdest business moves we’ve ever seen, Wal-Mart has decided to award business grants to their own small competitors, even as the company tries to smash them, Incredible Hulk style, into a bloody patina.

The initiative will offer business financial grants, advertising in Wal-Mart stores and training by the company themselves on how to compete with Wal-Mart.

If this sounds like Bruce Lee smiling in your direction and flicking you a butter knife to defend yourself with right before he leaps into action and kicks your sternum out through your back, or buying your toddler a small plastic car to putter around in right before you run him over with a monster truck, that’s because it is a lot like that.

Wal-Mart to Offer Help Near Urban Stores [New York Times] (Thanks, Boxtank!)


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  1. Halo says:

    Does this make any sense at all? I could understand if they were facing huge government anti-competitive lawsuits although maybe they are being proactive. Then again, maybe they are trying to get the mom-and-pop stores to pony up the cash to learn how to compete, then they’ll turn around and take it all back in the form of customers and souls… tasty tasty souls.

  2. Ben Popken says:

    Yes it does, as a gaping and puss-laden PR stunt.

  3. Bubba Barney says:

    How come no one speaks of Kmart? It’s like the red-headed step child of retail.

  4. OkiMike says:

    This is hilarious.