Souls = Cheeseburgers

We saw this odd little list thanks to Church Marketing Sucks. It was originally posted over at the Revitalize Your Church blog. We’re just going to quote the whole thing, since we’re pretty astounded by it.

Percentage of McDonald’s franchises that did not sell a hamburger last year: 0%
Percentage of Ace Hardware Stores that did not sell a hammer last year: 0%
Percentage of Kaybee Toy Stores that did not sell a toy last year: 0%
Percentage of Salvation Army Outlets that did not help a needy person last year: 0%
Percentage of State Universities that did not educate a student last year: 0%
Percentage of airlines that did not fly a plane last year: 0%
Percentage of Wal Mart’s that did not sell merchandise last year: 0%
Percentage of Methodist Churches that did not receive a member by profession of faith last year: 43%

We’re going to beg to differ about the Percentage of State Universities statistic… we’re pretty sure the actual percentage of students who remain uneducated is significantly higher. But that’s beside the point… we just don’t understand guys like this. Asking someone to change their entire belief structure shouldn’t be the same as selling them a cheeseburger, or a hammer, or a Power Ranger toy, nor should you expect it to be.

We’re amazed that we — atheists — have to point out the distinction: souls are precious things. You don’t fucking count them like profit. It really bugs the crap out of us that so many religious people view their own religion so frivolously as to compare it to McDonald’s or think there should be a lesson learned in a successful Rodeo Burger marketing campaign. Numbers shouldn’t count in religion: like in shopping, it should be the individuals who matter, not the aggregate of souls saved.

Sometimes it seems like such a cynical, contemptuous outlook on Christianity could only come from a Christian.

How’s Business? [Revitalize Your Church] (Thanks, Church Marketing Sucks!)