Dr. Frankenstein Makes Bacon Good For You!

We know this is disgusting, but one of our favorite sandwiches is the peanut butter and bacon sandwich. It’s as simple as it sounds: fry up some bacon. None of the ham-like, Canadian or rasher variety — the crispier the better. Next, place it between two pieces of bread and slather this inside with a gooey layer of crunchy peanut butter. If you’d like, lightly grill it in a buttered frying pan.

Yes, it’s a great sandwich, but obviously, it’s pretty hard to eat without being accutely aware that every artery in your body has just begun to rupture thick yellow spurts of gelatinous fat. But good news for bacon aficionados! Geneticists have just managed to gene splice significant amounts of omega-3 fatty acids, which reduce heart disease, into our bacon. The Omega-3 fatty acids also apparently increase brain development and decrease risk of developing Alzheimer’s.

We know what you organic nuts are thinking — yet another monstrous mutation of the natural world produced by Frankenstein scientists ejaculating into the gene pool. Nevertheless, we’re excited about any technology that allows us to eat more bacon, especially as one of us lives in a country where an “Irish fry” essentially involves devouring an entire greasy hog.

Bring Home the Biotech Bacon [Wired]


Edit Your Comment

  1. Hawkins says:

    Not only disgusting, but smells like Elvis: you appear to have recreated a puny, de-jellied version of His Elvonic Majesty’s “Fool’s Gold Loaf.”

    From The Life and Cuisine of Elvis Presley:

    An entire loaf of bread is warmed and then hollowed out. The sandwich is generously spread with peanut butter and an equally thick layer of jelly. Finally, lean bacon has to be cooked, at least a pound fried to crispness, to fill the reamining belly of the loaf. The massive loaf is then downed while the bacon is still hot. The serving size? One loaf per person.

    42,000 calories, motherfucker.

    See http://www.byroncrawford.com/2005/12/why_elvis_died.html

  2. Yeah, a pound of bacon and an entire loaf of bread. That’s not the sandwich I’m fucking eating.

  3. Bubba Barney says:

    Funny you should mention peanut butter today. I brought a jalapeno bagel in for breakfast today, but left the cream cheese at home. The bage was too dry to eat without something.

    So I used some peanut butter I have stored [in a jar] in my desk. Interesting combo, and not too bad actually. The sweet/salty/spicy combo is unique.

  4. AcidReign says:

    …..I’m all for the omega-3 dealio. I use olive oil all the time, classico for cooking, extra virgin for critical stuff like salad dressing!

    …..But I’m leery of folks messing with my bacon! I was (fortunately) raised by a dad whose mom never met a piece of meat she couldn’t reduce to burnt shoe-leather. As a consequence, my dad (who cooked breakfast) felt that bacon was properly done when the ends started to curl. I’m still fond of over-extra-easy eggs and slightly warm soggy bacon. And you can always mop up all the delicious juice with some good white-butterbread toast! Since bacon and eggs were on the menu every day, I’m living proof that you absolutely cannot get trichinosis from raw pork in the USA!

    …..I only eat bacon on my vacations, though. I like my 160 total cholesterol, and I just don’t have 45 minutes in the morning to prepare a grease-fest. It’s usually Corn Flakes, banana and 0% milk for me. If I’m feeling especially sinful, I’ll microwave a slice of bologna or two.

    …..But for those vacations days, here’s what I do: Fry up a huge iron skillet of thick-slice bacon, and set the paper-toweled plate of finished bacon in a preheated 180 degree oven to hold. I cook bacon medium, meaning not crisp, but no raw, white fat left. I save all the bacon grease for future cornbread cooking…

    …..Next, I melt a half-stick of real unsalted butter in the hot skillet, add Ore-Ida frozen country-style hash browns, and half of a fresh red onion, coarsely chopped. I add freshly ground black pepper, and Lawry’s garlic salt, and fry for 5-7 minutes per side.

    …..After removing the finished hash browns (and all deliciously charred debris!) I add another couple of tablespoons of butter, and over-easy fry some extra-large eggs.

    …..This serves several folks a wonderful, cholesterol-death breakfast! Then you just have to clean up, and do something strenuous that morning…

  5. OkiMike says:

    You have to add mayonaise! Can’t forget the mayonaise! One jar is plenty!